Dot was right about one thing: There were no examples to follow. No card that read, I'm so sorry your son killed your husband. "It seems (air," Sabine said helplessly. "I'm feeling sorry for myself all the time these days."
The snow in the sun had a certain ground-down, glittery brilliance. In the white bed there were flecks of color, bright pinpricks of green and yellow and red, the colors you saw when you pressed in on your eyes as a child. Parsifal may have taken the hardest hit, but he had gotten away, safe, in his boat. Dot and Kitty had stayed, circling that same spot on the kitchen floor. Dot was crying now, and Sabine knew from too much experience that crying in the morning practically guaranteed a headache for the rest of the day. She leaned over and stroked Dot's hair, felt the stiffness of the curls beneath her fingers. Then she did something that she had seen a million times but had only done herself years before on the rarest of occasions. She extracted a hen's egg from Dot's ear.
White and cold, it came out smoothly. She had applied just the right amount of pressure so as to give the feeling of the egg being birthed through the tympanic membrane-not too much pressure, of course. More than once she had seen an amateur crush an egg against the side of some unsuspecting head, a mixture of yolk and white slipping beneath the shirt collar. Sabine, who had been nervous about pulling this off, felt so enormously pleased with herself she considered palming it again and trying the other ear. Dot Fetters touched her ear nervously and then took the egg from Sabine's hand as if it were something more miraculous than her breakfast.
"Oh," she said. "Sabine." She traced her finger across the chalky white shell. "This is so sweet of you."
"Plenty more where that came from." Parsifal's line.
"I should have told you."
"You should have."
"In California, it was all so overwhelming. You and that house and the palm trees."
"So what was the story in the Sheraton? What was all that about his being gay?"
Dot tilted her head towards her right shoulder, her ear coming close to the wool of her sweater. "Well, it's true that I knew he was gay and it used to worry me when there was free time to worry. Guy's being gay and his going to Lowell got tied up together in my mind somehow. I think that really sealed things for him. Maybe if he'd been brought up in a better home, stayed in Nebraska, it would have gone different."
"Not a chance," Sabine said.
"You think?"
"He liked men. No, one knows that better than me. That's just who he was." Who he was in the bone marrow. He loved the comfort, the sameness of himself. He loved the narrow hips and the rough brush of the cheek.
"So you aren't mad at me? You aren't leaving?"
"I'll leave eventually." Her mind was still on the egg. "But I just got here."
There were too many other things to know. It doesn't just happen that one day the father knocks down the mother and the son knocks down the father and then everybody goes their own way. And besides, even in this short time Sabine had gotten the thing she'd most hoped for: She felt closer to Parsifal here. It should have been in Los Angeles, in the house where they lived, in the clubs where they played, on Mulholland late at night; but all the places she knew him to be only showed up the fact that he was gone. In Nebraska, where she had never imagined him, she could see him everywhere.
"Guy could do the silver dollar really good towards the end." Dot made the movement of taking something out of her own ear. "Smooth as silk. All the kids in the neighborhood waited around for him. They were crazy for it, even if he wouldn't let them keep the dollar. But he never could do the egg. He tried it on me, but I always saw it coming. Not that I ever told him, of course. But he knew." She patted Sabine's knee, happy and proud, like a parent. "You, on the other hand, wow. I felt that thing coming right out of the center of my head. I don't mean to compare, but you're a lot better at this magic stuff than he ever was."
"Oh, God, no," Sabine said, strangely shaken that such a thing could even be said. "He taught this to me. I don't know a thing about magic that I didn't learn from him. Taking an egg out of somebody's ear, that's nothing. It's a kid's trick. The things he could do… Well," she said, struck by the loss of all those things, "you wouldn't have believed them."
Dot nodded appreciatively. "I'm not saying he wasn't good. He was wonderful. Good at everything he tried his hand at, baseball and math and cooking, even. All I'm saying is that with this magic business you've got something…" She pursed her lips together. A mother looking to be completely fair to all parties involved. "Extra. You've got a good move. I think it's because you don't ever draw attention to yourself. Beautiful as you are and elegant, you don't do anything to make people look at you. You don't show off. When you pulled that egg out of my ear, you looked just as surprised about it as me."
"That's because I didn't think I could do it." The praise irritated Sabine. Dot didn't understand. She had missed those crucial twenty-five years in the middle of the story.
"Well, I'll drop it, I just don't want you to sell yourself short, is all." Dot stood up energetically, relieved to have the weight of that conversation thrown off her. She kissed the shiny crown of Sabine's head and held the egg out to her. "I'll make you breakfast. Any way you want it. How about that?"
At ten-thirty Dot left the house to go work in the cafeteria of the high school, where Kitty's boys were in the ninth and eleventh grades. She stood on the side of the hot-food line opposite the students and dished mashed potatoes and creamed corn into indented plates. Sabine believed Dot would be fast and give out fair and equal portions. "It's good work," she told Sabine. "I like seeing the kids. Not just Kitty's boys, but all of them. Kitty says I shouldn't work now that we've got this money, but I'd miss it. What's there to do at home all day? There'll be plenty of time for that." Up until four years ago, Dot did forty hours a week at the Woolrich plant and overtime when she could get it. But then the money that Parsifal sent once in a while became regular and generous, and though she could never ask him if she could count on it, after a while, she did. That was when she quit the plant and went to the high school.
"I hate to leave you here like this," she said when she was bundled inside her coat. "You're sure you don't want to drive me over, keep the car?"
"I'm going to be fine," Sabine said.
"Not that there's much to drive to, really. It's not like leaving someone alone in Los Angeles for the day."
"Go to work."
Dot nodded but didn't go. She stalled at the door, fussing with her gloves. It had been the same way at the airport when she didn't want to get on the plane. She was afraid that if she left Sabine alone she would lose her. Alone, Sabine would start to think. Losing Sabine would be too much like losing Parsifal again. The very idea froze Dot to the floor. "Do you have my number?"
Sabine opened the door. The air was so cold she stepped back as if slapped. Dot, not wanting to chill the whole house, hurried outside.
Sabine waited, craned her neck to see the car turn around the corner. Its exhaust threw a huge plume in the frigid air. Then she went to the phone and dialed her parents' number. She was glad when it was her father who answered.
"Angel," he said. "You'll never guess who's here, who is sitting right on my lap helping me read the newspaper."
"You'll spoil him."
"No such thing as a spoiled bunny. This is an animal who possesses a limitless capacity for affection."
In Alliance, Sabine curled inside the soft arm of the recliner and held the phone with both hands. She closed her eyes and studied her parents' living room. In the gold morning light of Los Angeles her father, her mother, her rabbit were together, safe, waiting. "How are you, Dad? How's Mother?"
"We, Angel, are always the same. We are fine except for missing you. Tell me how is this Nebraska? Are there many cows?"