Here at the station was already a scent of autumn; it was a cold evening.
11 It's time for me to go north," thought Gurov as he left the platform. 11 High time I "
III
At home in Moscow everything was in its winter routine; the stoves were heated, and in the morning it was still dark when the children were having break- fast and getting ready for school, and the nurse would light the lamp for a short time. The frosts had begun already. When the first snow has fallen, on the first day of sledge-driving it is pleasant to see the white earth, the white roofs, to draw soft, de- licious breath, and the season brings back the days of one's youth. The old limes and birches, white with hoar-frost, have a good-natured expression; they are nearer to one's heart than cypresses and palms, and near them one doesn't want to be think- ing of the sea and the mountains.
Gurov was Moscow born; he arrived in Moscow on a fine frosty day, and when he put on his fur coat and warm gloves, and walked along Petrovka, and when on Saturday evening he heard the ringing of the bells, his recent trip and the places he had seen lost all charm for him. Little by little he became absorbed in Moscow life, greedily read three news- papers a day, and declared he did not read the Mos- cow papers on principle! He already felt a longing to go to restaurants, clubs, dinner-parties, anniver- sary celebrations, and he felt flattered at entertaining distinguished lawyers and artists, and at playing cards with a professor at the doctors' club. He could already eat a whole plateful of salt fish and cabbage. . . •
In another month, he fancied, the image of Anna Sergeyevna would be shrouded in a mist in his mem- ory, and only from time to time would visit him in his dreams with a touching smile as others did. But more than a month passed, real winter had come, and everything was still clear in his memory as though he had parted with Anna Sergeyevna only the day before. And his memories glowed more and more vividly. When in the evening stillness he heard from his study the voices of his children, pre- paring their lessons, or when he listened to a song or the organ at the restaurant, or the storm howled in the chimney, suddenly everything would rise up in his memory: what had happened on the groyne, and the early morning with the mist on the moun- tains, and the steamer coming from Theodosia, and the kisses. He would pace a long time about his room, remembering it all and smiling; then his mem- ories passed into dreams, and in his fancy the past was mingled with what was to come. Anna Sergey- evna did not visit him in dreams, but followed him about everywhere like a shadow and haunted him. When he shut his eyes he saw her as though she were living before him, and she seemed to him lovelier, younger, tenderer than she was; and he imagined himself finer than he had been in Yalta. In the evenings she peeped out at him from the bookcase, from the fireplace, from the corner — he heard her breathing, the caressing rustle of her dress. In the street he watched the women, looking for some one like her.
He was tormented by an intense desire to confi.de his memories to some one. But in his home it was impossible to talk of his love, and he had no one out- side ; he could not talk to his tenants nor to any one at the bank. And what had he to talk of? Had he been in love, then? Had there been anything beau- tiful, poetical, or edifying or simply interesting in his relations with Anna Sergeyevna? And there was nothing for him but to talk vaguely of love, of woman, and no one guessed what it meant; only his wife twitched her black eyebrows, and said: " The part of a lady-killer does not suit you at all, Dimitri."
One evening, coming out of the doctors' club with an official with whom he had been playing cards, he could not resist saying:
" If only you knew what a fascinating woman I made the acquaintance of in Yalta I 11
The official got into his sledge and was driving away, but turned suddenly and shouted: " Dmitri Dmitritch I "
" What?"
11 You were right this evening: the sturgeon was a bit too strong I "
These words, so ordinary, for some reason moved Gurov to indignation, and struck him as degrading and unclean. What savage manners, what people I What senseless nights, what uninteresting, unevent- ful days I The rage for card-playing, the gluttony, the drunkenness, the continual talk always about the same thing. Useless pursuits and conversations al- ways about the same things absorb the better part of one's time, the better part of one's strength, and in the end there is left a life grovelling and curtailed, worthless and trivial, and there is no escaping or getting away from it — just as though one were in a madhouse or a prison.
Gurov did not sleep all night, and was filled with indignation. And he had a headache all next day. And the next night he slept badly; he sat up in bed, thinking, or paced up and down his room. He was sick of his children, sick of the bank; he had no de- sire to go anywhere or to talk of anything.
In the holidays in December he prepared for a journey, and told his wife he was going to Peters- burg to do something in the interests of a young friend — and he set off for S. What for? He did not very well know himself. He wanted to see Anna Sergeyevna and to talk with her — to ar- range a meeting, if possible.
He reached S in the morning, and took the
best room at the hotel, in which the floor was cov- ered with grey army cloth, and on the table was an inkstand, grey with dust and adorned with a figure on horseback, with its hat in its hand and its head broken off. The hotel porter gave him the neces- sary information; Von Diderits lived in a house of his own in Old Gontcharny Street — it was not far from the hoteclass="underline" he was rich and lived in good style, and had his own horses ; every one in the town knew him. The porter pronounced the name " Dridirits."
Gurov went without haste to Old Gontcharny Street and found the house. Just opposite the house stretched a long grey fence adorned with nails.
" One would run away from a fence like that," thought Gurov, looking from the fence to the win- dows of the house and back again.
He considered: to-day was a holiday, and the hus- band would probably be at home. And in any case it would be tactless to go into the house and upset her. If he were to send her a note it might fall into her husband's hands, and then it might ruin everything. The best thing was to trust to chance. And he kept walking up and down the street by the fence, waiting for the chance. He saw a beggar go in at the gate and dogs fly at him; then an hour later he heard a piano, and the sounds were faint and in- distinct. Probably it was Anna Sergeyevna playing. The front door suddenly opened, and an old woman came out, followed by the familiar white Pomera- nian. Gurov was on the point of calling to the dog, but his heart began beating violently, and in his ex- citement he could not remember the dog's name.