“What can I do with you when you are blind?” he said, smiling, rushing, happily waving his arms around as though he was about to take flight.
After walking for a while, in front of us unfolded the most beautiful, the most mysterious scene in my life. The Big Water. Huge. Wondrous. Oh, God! Dear God, it greeted us with motherly eyes, with a bright, sweet look. I went dumb, I swear.
The children stopped as though on command.
“It’s coming!” cried the boys like birds.
“She will come,” an unfamiliar voice spoke to us. A woman we did not know dressed all in black was slowly coming towards us. She was the matron Verna Jakovleska, the good Verna Jakovleska.
I can still see that water. The dream of Kejtin, our dream. Curse me, our whole dream. We could walk beside the water for as many days and nights as they made us, we could walk beside the water without resting for a century. The exhaustion, the difficult road, the hunger and the thirst that were with us as we were led to the Home disappeared at once. It was as if all of our pain, all our misfortunes were melted by the good soul of the Big Water. The snow, the mountains, the burned down villages, the abandoned farms, the barren fields. It was all left far behind; all that was in us was the Big Water. The water was all around us, curse me, it was as though the Big Water was waiting for us. I swear she recognised us, she recognised us at once. It was as if her gentle voice was saying to us, “Go little ones, my little ones, here is the road, go, don’t give yourselves up.” And we went, comrades’ honour, we went, I swear on the good name of comrade Olivera Srezoska, we went.
In a line, under command. Curse me, in line. Dear mother, in line. Remember that word if you don’t want to get kicked at each step. Those who thought of such a stupid thing as the assembly line must have been beasts. And there it was, like a prize for all that was lost, like in the most beautiful dream, we stood spellbound on the bank.
The dear water. The setting sun was lying above the waves, had given itself to them. Look! Thread by thread the golden ball of the day is unwinding. In that moment the Big Water looked like an enormous loom that was quietly, wordlessly, wondrously weaving. Following some secret path, you could see it being carried to the shore. Curse me, the trees and birds that had flown to their branches were woven with gold; spider webs were wafting over the shallows. Splendid nests, I swear. It was as the same thing was happening to the people who, with a strange excitement, were now appearing, now disappearing behind closed windows. Curse me, as though they were afraid to open them. But their looks gave them away, you could see everything in their looks. The water, everything has turned into a huge wondrous loom which continuously, tirelessly, gently weaves. Before we knew it, the twinkling southern sky opened over our heads. A thousand, no countless little lamps burst into flame on the southern vault. And it seemed the lake had been waiting for just this moment, you hear how she is letting herself go, how freely, powerfully she starts to roar. Just then she is everywhere, she reigns. Oh that golden wave! I swear, that was the voice of the Big Water.
“Come on,” Kejtin said to me softly, putting his long bony hand on my shoulder. “Come on, little one,” he whispered. “Can’t you hear, she is waiting for us!”
Curse me, that was the truth. I forgot about the punishment; what meaning did even the biggest punishment have before such beauty? I didn’t ask him where, nor why; softly, without a word I set off after him, like a captive giving myself up to his lead. Like a black demon, he slid down the bank, then, like a goat, he jumped from rock to rock waving to me all the time, urging me to follow him. We climbed right up to the highest point on the peak. Curse me, the highest one.
Everywhere around, there was water and stars.
A million little stars, curse me. Their soft light set fire to the whole sky, you thought they were shining, twinkling from everywhere. They’d descended into the water, they were floating. At one time, all of the lake and its banks began to blaze, green, blue — it called out to us with a human voice, enticed us. Curse me, maybe I am imagining it, maybe it was just the gentle dark waves but that voice was truth. Maybe it was the green soul of the water, what did we know — speechless, squashed, one next to the other, we sat on the highest cliff. In a dream, under a spell. Without a word we listened to the waters roll in and retreat; how the stars were quickly multiplying in the sky and how in the morning even more quickly they melted away, turning into a fine blue dust. Oh, beautiful stars of the southern sky. We watched how the snow was disappearing from the home fields, we were returning home, curse me, home. At the door, a dear face with big, very deep eyes, blue, clear, the most beautiful eyes greeted us. Oh dear God! One wave looks like Mount Senterlev. I swear, at that moment we saw all the dear images, all the lost images returned, everything was back in its place. Everything returned, we were home. You recall even some thing which had been totally forgotten, a small thorn stuck in your bare foot, you remember how your mother had carefully worked it out with a needle, and, so that it wouldn’t hurt you too much, she blew coolly over her work, with her own breath. Oh, my dear little one, mother’s heart! You hear her voice.
Everything was there in the Big Water. Curse me, all of it was that simple and that beautiful. It was a happy time, an unforgettable time which became eternal.
“Kejtin,” I called him by name like an old friend, “Kejtin, my brother.”
“Leme,” he replied, as a friend. He patted my head, like a little puppy, he stopped the tears which appeared by themselves in my eyes and said, “Leme, little brother.”
That night a wave entered us, a wave which no-one could take from us. Such a wave stays in a person for all time, I swear.
Where did his strength come from? Many sleepless nights, many difficult days brought me only one answer, I swear, it was his human goodness. So, I’ll have to tell about it all, oh God, how he knew about the dead; he knew how to give breath to inanimate objects bringing them to life, transforming them, making them authentic. Curse me, real. One time, in the Home, many people became suspicious that his was not a human birth. He frightened them with his spirit (even though they preached most vehemently against religion). Some thought that he was the son of the evil one. Curse me, offspring of the evil one. What other explanation for his sharp pointed head, pointed shoulders? Was it some frightening, midnight coupling between an unfortunate girl and the evil spirit? He didn’t have any sort of family character record. I don’t recall him ever saying even a word about his mother, father, brothers, sisters — curse me, he never mentioned the Kejtin family. What could his family have been like? One thing was known, I swear, anyone who reached for him would then lose his strength. And it wasn’t a single incident — he could see everything that was invisible; everything that was far away, unreachable, he could have. Everything which looked firm would turn to dust at the touch of his bony hand. Lastly, was he not the one and only cause of the death of Ariton Jakovleski? Wasn’t he the one who destroyed the wall and let in the water? Curse me, he was accused of the most awful things; things he certainly never did in his whole life. So you will understand how much he had to endure; at the end, he had to pay for it in an unthinkable way. Curse me, just that, he had to pay.
The wall
We still didn’t know anything about the wall then. About the mornings in the Home, about the wake-ups, about dreaming in this accursed place. In the beginning, the wall wasn’t noticeable. Our heads were still swimming, intoxicated with the sparkling, moist air from the water. I do not have to remind you of the rapturous, wondrous hours of happiness we spent that night by the Big Water. Curse me, the Big Water was a beautiful dream. I always believed in fiction.