This deep? Yes. Of course it does. ‘No,’ she gasps.
So he rocks inside her. Suddenly like a whip passion curls and races through her body, surprising her with its ferocity. It erupts in a strangled cry that surprises even him. He looks at her possessively, proudly, as if he has branded her. He is the owner of her lust. In his hands and mouth and body he holds her pleasure. He said he wanted to fuck her senseless and he does. His pace becomes punishingly hard and fast, but she loves the pounding.
Something is billowing through her; it feels as though it could bring some kind of release. When it comes it is a riotous, glorious tidal wave that rips through her. She becomes one with him, one body, one mind, one soul. But he is still moving. Unfinished.
Then her name tears past his lips. The tidal wave is upon him.
She comes back slowly. The lethargy is luxurious. She remains spread-eagled in her ecstasy. He gathers her tired limbs gently and shuts them. She looks up at him dreamily.
He pulls a sheet over her naked skin, and then he leaves her. The door shuts with its thick click.
Seventeen
By the time Lana arrives at the Black Dog, it is heaving with lunchtime trade and Jack is already sitting at a table by a window nursing a pint. As always, the sight of him makes her feel safe. She longs to run into his arms, he’s been fighting her battles for her for as long as she can remember, but this time he can’t help.
She makes her way through the crowd, many of whom she knows, towards him. His straight brown hair is still wet and has been slicked back carelessly. He looks so dear and yet so far away from her. He has always been a deeply mysterious person. Hardly anyone really knows him.
He looks up and sees her. He has the pained blue eyes of a tortured artist. He should have been one. He stands slowly, and, unsmiling, opens his arms to her. With a sigh, she goes into that place where she has felt safest since she was a child. She breathes in the familiar smell of his soap, so clean, so honest. When she pulls away, he looks at her carefully.
‘Your hair…’
Lana smiles. ‘Yeah, it’ll grow back.’
‘No, it’s good like that. You all right?’
‘Yes,’ she says.
‘Take a pew and I’ll get you a drink. What d’you want?’
‘Orange juice.’
He raises his eyebrows. ‘And?’
She dimples at him. ‘Vodka.’
He nods and makes his way to the bar. She watches him. He is tall and broad-shouldered and Julia is watching him eagerly. For as long as Lana can remember Julia has lusted after Jack. And now that he is studying medicine, her desire for him has grown to unmanageable proportions. Julia catches Lana’s eye and waves. Lana smiles and waves back. Immediately, Julia begins to make her way towards Lana. Lana sighs inwardly. Now she will have to make small talk. Besides, she is only coming to talk to Lana because Jack is here.
‘Hey,’ she says. She is dressed from head to toe in shades of pink.
‘Hey,’ Lana replies.
‘So Jack’s down?’ She lays a palm down on the table and drums her fluorescent-pink, plastic nails on it.
‘Mmnn.’
‘Are you guys having lunch?’
‘Yup.’
She looks lingeringly at the empty chair next to Lana, but Lana doesn’t invite her to join them. She knows Jack will be irritated and besides, she needs to talk to Jack and explain.
Jack has arrived and is standing beside the table with her drink and two packets of salt and vinegar crisps—their favorite flavor.
‘Hi, Jack,’ Julia simpers up at him, fluttering her eyelids like a black and white movie star.
Jack smiles tightly. ‘Hi.’
‘Lana was just telling me that you are about to have lunch. Mind if I join you?’ She smiles invitingly.
‘Not this time, Jules… We have private things to discuss.’
‘Oh.’
‘Sorry.’
‘Maybe next time then,’ she says, and, flashing a hurt smile, flounces off.
‘Thanks,’ Lana says, and takes the drink off Jack.
Jack smiles at Lana and sits down. He takes a sip of his pint. ‘Well, then,’ he probes. ‘How’s it going?’
Lana can tell that he is in a bad mood. Perhaps he is even angry. ‘Great. No problems,’ she says.
His eyes narrow on her face, flash down to her clenched hands, then he focuses on trying to read her eyes. ‘Don’t lie to me, Lana. I know you better than that.’ His voice becomes hard. ‘Has he hurt you?’
‘No, course not.’
‘Then what is it?’ he prompts.
‘I’m just confused, I guess. This is not how I thought my life would be.’
‘Your life? I thought it was only for a month.’
Lana sighs. ‘It was three months or no deal.’
Jack draws his breath sharply. ‘I wish you hadn’t done it, Lana. You never even told me.’
‘I knew what you’d say. It was a spur of the moment decision.’
‘But to sell yourself.’ Jack looks openly angry.
‘I’d do it all again, Jack.’
‘Yeah, but this treatment you’re paying for, it’s not even properly recognized. I’ve looked up this Burzynski character on the net, and he seems well meaning enough, but it’s not proper medicine, Lana. All his results are anecdotal. Some of his critics are even accusing him of selling hope.’
Lana leans forward. ‘Do you really think after all these years that the FDA wouldn’t have locked him up and thrown away the key if he was just selling hope? Hundreds perhaps thousands of people have been cured by him,’ Lana insists passionately. ‘Some people are even calling his method the greatest find of the century. They’ve already warned me that Mum’s chances are slim at best, but maybe she’ll be one of the lucky ones. Even if she has only got a one percent chance of recovery, I’m going to take it. I’ve got nothing to lose. Everything else has failed.’
Jack drops his eyes to the scratched wooden table. ‘Remember that time when you were six years old, and I left you outside the newsagent to go in and get some sweets, and when I came out a pervert in a car was trying to persuade you to accept a lift?’
Lana nods. ‘Yeah, I remember it as if it was yesterday. Your face, as you came rushing out, and punched the guy through the window. He hit the gas pedal, swerved, nearly hit an oncoming car, and screeched up the road. How old were you then? Sixteen?’
‘Yeah. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I leave you for one minute to buy some sweets, and you are almost snatched by a pedophile.’
‘We didn’t tell my mum, did we?’
‘No, we didn’t. You know what, Lana? It feels like I’ve just gone into the sweetshop for some sweets and I’ve come out and a pervert has driven off with you. It feels like I’ve failed you. I thought I was going to study medicine, get a good job, and be a proper brother to you and your mum. And now it turns out you’re out there selling your body.’
‘Please don’t be angry with me, Jack. I can’t bear it when you are.’ Her eyes well with tears. She blinks them away.
His face softens. There is sadness in his voice when he speaks. ‘And I can’t bear it when you cry. I’m not angry with you, Lana. I’m angry with myself for failing you.’
‘You haven’t failed me, Jack. I’m so proud of you. Of everyone we know, you’re the only one who has made it out of this vortex of poverty and hopelessness. I’m not your responsibility. I’m a big girl now. I can take care of myself.’
Jack nodded. ‘I know. I just wanted better for you.’
‘It’s not so bad. It’s just sex, Jack.’
‘How’s your mum, anyway?’
‘She’s bad, Jack. Real bad. The good days are less and less. You do see that I had to do this, don’t you?’
‘Maybe, but I don’t like it, though.’
‘Since we are openly discussing my sex life…are you gay?’
‘What?’