“Shit, Kendra.” He moved toward me before I could release my hold on the t-shirt. He brushed his fingers over the skin, the look on his face melting me.
I smiled and moved back a little, clearing my throat. “Yeah, so I had to grow up in various orphanages. Life was tough, but I learned to defend myself at a young age.” I cleared the emotion from my throat. “I miss the idea of having someone to unconditionally love me like parents are supposed to, but I’m not sure I would change who I’ve become.”
“We are all somehow a product of our environment.”
“I agree. I promised myself a long time ago that I would find joy in all things. Life was too fleeting to be miserable. It hasn’t been easy, and I’m still waiting for my big break, but I’m pushing forward.” I glanced down at Tyson and smiled. “After I get my career together, I’m going to focus on finding a good man and then starting a family. I love these little guys.”
“Starting your own business is a ballsy move. Especially in fashion. You should be proud of yourself.”
I swallowed. “I am to some degree, but my drive and ambition truly come from having to half raise myself. I was a good kid, but getting adopted by a family is damn near impossible to do after you’ve passed the infant stage.”
“I get that, I guess. Having to raise Tyson alone is going to be hard enough, but if he were older... that’d be fucking scary. He would judge me and my wicked ways, no doubt.”
“You, wicked?” I smiled and reached for my phone as it buzzed. Just an e-mail I could check later.
“Talk to me about happiness. If you’re looking for joy or happiness in all things... you’re finding it, right?”
His question was loaded, but seeing that he was being so open with me, I wasn’t willing to clam up. Not just yet.
“No. I wish I could say that it’s easy or that it gets easier the more you exercise that muscle, but it just doesn’t. It almost seems like a mirage, an illusion I’ve been pursuing relentlessly.”
“And what have you found in your search?”
“Besides disappointment?” I smiled and let out a shallow-sounding laugh. “It’s a journey. Ask me in ten years.”
“Tell me how you know Hunter. He’s my top trader at the firm. I couldn’t do half of what I’m capable of doing without that guy. He’s a nerd and a half though. How does a fashion designer and an engineering geek become close friends?”
I rolled my eyes and gave him a look. “You’re far too shallow for your own good.”
He laughed. “You, pretty girl, would not be the first person to have pointed that out.”
I chuckled and let the comment go. “His father founded the first orphanage I went to. He was there off and on helping, and we played everything from hop-scotch to spin the bottle together. I was shipped off to another orphanage in my early teens, but was able to go through high school back with him and his father. His dad was the closest thing to a father I had. I kinda clung to them both, I guess.”
“And since then? Any feelings for the guy?”
“Hunter?” I shifted, needing to bring feeling back to my feet. I stretched my legs out and turned back toward Jax as his eyes moved down to watch my actions. The desire in his gaze made me feel beautiful, but there was no way I was acting on it. This deal he was offering me was far beyond anything I could hope for anywhere else. I wasn’t messing it up by falling for the one guy I would never get. “No. He’s like a brother to me.”
“Me too.” Jax yawned again, which caused me to yawn.
“Why were you going to Hunter for childcare advice? He’s a bachelor and plans on remaining that way. I don’t think the man has any desire to settle down at all. Him having a viable source for you to call for Tyson seems highly unlikely.”
He raised a hand to his face, rubbing at his eyes. “I was more like bitching to him about my lack of sleep and shitty parenting. I have no clue what I’m doing. I invited some of my college friends over last night and between the six of us, nothing was resolved. Tyson kept crying and I was honestly beside myself.”
“Your mom’s still alive, right?” I had to ask.
“Yeah, but she’s still suffering a lot over Alice’s death.” Jax averted his gaze from me.
His mother wasn’t the only one suffering. I almost felt like shit for having nefarious thoughts about the man. Here he was just having lost his wife and I was thinking about how good he must look under his slacks.
“No other leads for a nanny?”
“No. No one I’ve hired to watch him has been nearly good enough. They seemed alright at first, but they all turned out to be less than trustworthy.”
“How so?”
He shifted as if uncomfortable and I almost started to back track and save him, but he answered too quickly.
“They were more interested in getting to know me. Know my money or spend a night in my bed.” He shrugged and glanced back over at me.
Maybe I wasn’t any better than the other girls. I already cared for the babe in my arms, but I could see myself becoming quickly infatuated with the handsome billionaire in front of me. I knew nothing would come of it as he was way out of my league, which was comforting and not.
“I get it. I’m not interested in your money or your bed, so we’re good.” I smiled as his lips turned down into a subtle frown. Had he wanted me to be interested? No. I was making things up.
“Good. Then I don’t have to give you the hands off speech.” He sat up and moved to the edge of the couch.
“Nope. Tyson is the only one having anything to do with my hands.” I closed my eyes and leaned back, relaxing as my phone buzzed again. “Are you pleased with the way he and I have interacted so far?”
He didn’t respond, so I opened my eyes to see a sexy, nefarious smile on his face. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“Um, yeah. That’s why I asked.” I shook my head and picked up the phone to see Brian’s text. He was locked out of the house and needed my help. “Oh no.”
“What’s wrong?” Jax glanced back after he turned the TV off.
“My roommate. He’s locked out of our apartment and is standing in our hall. He thought I was home.”
“Your roommate is a guy?” The narrowing of his eyes told me quickly that he didn’t like it.
“Yep. The guy from the picture. Can I tuck Tyson in, run over there and come back when I’m done?”
“You’re good. Just tuck him in and then head home. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“You sure?” I stood and tugged at the bottom of the shirt.
“Yeah. You want some sweats to wear home?”
“Um, yeah. I would die if someone saw me half dressed.”
“But you’re okay with me seeing you?” He laughed and I blushed. The sound of his joy was warm and welcoming.
“Just get the sweats and I’ll tuck the baby in.”
“Yes ma’am.” He walked away mumbling about being unsure of who was working for who.
8 - Kendra
The sunlight that streamed through my window woke me the next morning. I stretched and turned on my side, my body warmed in all the right places from the long sexy dream about my new boss.
The clock beside my desk said it was ten, which was too early in my book, but it wouldn’t be put to waste. I needed to use the rest of my day to get my website back up. Then I could work through getting my bank account opened again should Mr. Wilder want to pay me with direct deposit. I didn’t want the embarrassing conversation with him on why it was closed down in the first place. Lack of funds sounded better in my own head than it would in a conversation with Richie Rich.
I slipped out of bed and walked to the desk before putting on my glasses. His white t-shirt and sweats laid over the back of my study chair and I couldn’t help but bring the t-shirt to my nose and breathed in deeply.