“Ben.”
He looked up and saw that Mary had gone. It was getting dark and he was still in the Village Hall, a half-empty glass of whiskey clutched in his hand, drool on his chin.
A chair scraped and somebody sat down. It took a moment for his eyes to focus and for him to see who it was. “Aaron,” he said. His voice was croaky and it hurt his throat to speak.
“How are you feeling?” said Aaron.
Aaron was a few years older than Ben. His dark hair was run through with grey and white and pulled back in a ponytail. The beard that covered his face was similarly coloured.
Ben shook his head. “I’ve been better.”
“I’m sorry for your loss,” said Aaron and poured what was left of the whiskey into a glass. He smelled it, shrugged and then poured it down his throat. “Your sister was a good woman,” he said and wiped his arm across his face.
“Yeah, I know,” said Ben. He didn’t feel much like talking.
“If there’s anything me or Karen can do just say the word.” Karen was Aaron’s wife. A slim red headed woman who had been one of Cora’s few friends.
“Thanks man,” said Ben.
They sat in silence for a while. Ben wished that he would just leave him alone. The gathering seemed to be winding down. He looked around the room and couldn’t see his mum or Nicholas anywhere. There were fewer people and no one had lit any lamps.
Eventually Aaron stood up and clapped him on the back, right between the shoulder blades. For a moment he thought he was going to throw up but he managed to hold it down.
“Listen man,” said Aaron, “I know this isn’t the time but when you’re feeling up to it come by and see me. There’s something we need to discuss.”
He nodded, not really thinking about what he might be talking about, just wanting him to go.
“Sorry for you loss,” he said and then he was gone.
Ben stared into the darkening room for a while until Mary returned. He looked up at her and managed to smile. Just seeing her made him feel better. “Are you ready to go?” she said.
“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah I am.”
He pushed back the chair and stood up too quickly. His head felt to big for his body and the room started to spin. Mary grabbed his arm and held him steady. Eventually he felt ready to move.
She led him across the room to the door with his arm over her shoulder. People called to him but he didn’t hear what they said. She led him out into the cool dark night. There were no clouds in the sky and the slight breeze cut right through him.
“The kids,” he said as if he had forgotten all about them.
“They’re staying with my parents remember,” she said.
He nodded, it sounded like something she would have told him but he couldn’t remember it.
She helped him down into the boat which wobbled reassuringly beneath him as he sat down. She climbed in and he watched her row.
The candles on the river burned blue. It had been Cora’s favourite colour and made him feel as if he’d missed some sort of ceremony. “I shouldn’t drink,” he said.
He couldn’t see Mary’s face clearly in the darkness. “You had a good excuse tonight,” she said between breaths.
“Let me help you,” he said and leaned forwards to grab an oar. The boat rocked alarmingly and for a moment it seemed as if it would turn over and deposit them both in the icy cold river.
“Sit down,” she said sharply and he obeyed her.
When the boat had settled she started to row again.
4
“Is he warm enough?”
Mary leaned over him and put her hand down Zack’s top to feel his chest. Adam was in her arms and she continued to jiggle him without missing a beat. “He’s a bit cool. Maybe sit by the fire?”
He stood up slowly and walked to the fiercely burning wood stove. The air was thick with heat and he could feel himself sweating but somehow the boy was cold.
Zack’s mouth began to curl up, to reveal his pink gums and new teeth. He didn’t make a sound but his body became rigid and Ben could tell he was about five seconds away from total melt down, all because he’d gotten up to move him somewhere more comfortable.
He rocked gently back and forth and whispered ‘shhh’ into his ear continuously until his face started to relax and his body once more went limp.
Ben sat down. He felt as if he hadn’t slept in a week. The boys had only been sick for a couple of days but two days without sleep seemed like a lot. They had been confined to their boat but the doctor had visited and told him there was something going around the village and that a lot of the little kids were sick.
The world had taken on the aspect of a dream. Everything seemed painted on and unreal. He yawned.
“How’s he doing?” he said because if he didn’t say something he thought he would fall asleep.
“He’s alright if I keep jiggling him,” she said.
Mary seemed able to handle the lack of sleep a lot better than him. She yawned but she still had the energy to move around non-stop. At times he occupied himself thinking up excuses to leave her to it and get some sleep. He never would though.
“Knock, knock!” said a voice at the door.
He turned to see his mum there. Suddenly he couldn’t tell how much time had passed between Mary speaking and his mum arriving. It seemed like no time at all but he doubted she would have been able to get aboard without him noticing if he had been awake.
“How are you getting on?” she said, walking down the stairs and closing the door behind her.
“Hi Hannah,” said Mary.
Ben just sighed.
“I thought as much.” She put a tattered canvas bag on the table, he could just about make out the faded Tesco logo on it.
“What’s in the bag mum?” he said.
She smiled. “Something to make little heads feel better.” She took out a bunch of green leaves and held them up as if they were magic. “It’s Lemon thyme.”
He shook is head and looked over at Mary.
“Trust me,” said his mum. “Can I use your kettle?”
“Be my guest,” he said. The gust of cool air she had brought in with her was making him feel a little more awake. He stood up and carried Zack over to the kitchen to watch her work.
Zack mumbled and groaned in his sleep as the kitchen filled with the high tone of lemon. It was starting to make Ben’s eyes water and cleared out his sinuses.
“Done,” said his mum.
She held up a cup of yellowish green liquid with steam rising off it.
“Let that cool down and we’ll see what they think of it,” she said.
Mary yawned and her whole body seemed to shudder.
“Can I have a hold?” said his mum.
Mary nodded but couldn’t speak until the yawn had passed through. She handed Adam over.
“You need to rest,” said his mum. Then she turned to Ben, he was feeling quite numb again, the reality of the boat and the people in it was starting to dissolve. “You too,” she said.
“I’m alright,” said Ben.
“Nonsense, you’re falling asleep on your feet. Let grandma take over for a bit.”
Ben looked at Mary, eager to take his mum up on the offer. She apparently didn’t have the energy to protest. She nodded and turned towards the bedroom. She walked like a zombie along the narrow corridor and a few moments later Ben heard her collapse on the bed.
“You too Ben,” said his mum.
He nodded and carefully placed the sleeping Zack into his crib. He mumbled something and went stiff but after a moment relaxed and continued to sleep. Ben looked at him, convinced that he would wake up screaming at any moment but he turned his head away and continued to sleep.