She had seen him six months ago, in Verona. Their eyes met across the Piazza dei Signoria. They were both pretending to be Italian. France held the city, but matters were complicated by the Austrian army marching about the countryside trying to take it back, and the Veronese hated all foreigners equally, which was not unreasonable of them. She and Hawker had both deemed it prudent to turn in the opposite direction and walk away.
He had grown since she last stood this close to him. He was not tall. He would never be tall. But he was now taller than her.
She said, “I must see her, you know. I do not come here often.”
Hawker put his knife away in an inner jacket pocket, a single ingenious disappearance. He gazed upon her, looking dangerous. Looking familiar and being very much a stranger. “You shouldn’t be here at all. Now what do I do?”
“You will let me go, of course. I am not spying upon all these fields of cows. I have no work in England at this time. Do you think agents do not take holidays?”
It had begun to rain harder, which was the favored choice of English weather. Hawker was bareheaded and water dripped down his forehead, pulling his hair into thin black lines, sharp as the knives he was so menacing with. He was becoming very wet. This would not sweeten his temper.
He said, “The trouble dealing with you, Owl, is that there’s no way to tell whether you’re lying.”
“What use would I be to my country if any passing British Service agent could tell I was lying? I will admit it puts me at a disadvantage when I happen to be telling the truth.”
“Fortunately, that doesn’t happen often.” He looked around as if the dripping woods and the little running stream would give him advice. “This is awkward. I should probably take your weapons off you.”
“A cautious man would do that, certainly.”
“But I don’t think you’ll stab me a couple hundred feet away from Sévie. It’s surprisingly difficult to get rid of a body in Oxfordshire.”
“As you will know by experience, no doubt.”
He would not harm her. The possibility of that had passed. He also would not drag her into William Doyle’s house in disgrace and indignity. “Neither of us will do anything to hurt Séverine. It is the most perfect of truces, is it not?”
He only growled at her, less pleased with this stalemate than she was.
She said, “Why are you here, anyway? It is very strange of you to be wandering in the damp shrubberies of Oxfordshire. Me, I would be inside in front of one of your English fires on a day like this.”
He wiped his face with the sleeve of his jacket. “Right you are. I don’t know why I’m standing in the rain anyhow.” He turned his back on her and stalked off into the drizzle.
She had forgotten, in three years, how much he was master of such simple, brute subtlety. A shrug, a turning away, and he discovered whether she meant to attack him. Or he invited her to escape so he need not be bothered with deciding what to do with her. She would not, however, shoot him or try to run away. She possessed her own subtlety. She followed him and caught up and walked alongside. “Where are we going?”
He gestured ahead, along the path. “I have a place up that way.”
Of such unpromising material, great plans are born.
She had thought of him, often and often, in the three years since they parted in Paris. He was a person one remembered vividly. Sometimes, confronting some particularly egregious stupidity of this long war, she imagined telling him about it. She could almost hear a caustic, cynical reply spoken over her shoulder.
She had collected every small scrap of rumor about him, all across Europe. She still carried his excellent knife. And here he was. They met upon a neutral ground. Fate served him up to her on a lordly platter.
Perhaps . . . A great perhaps grew in her mind.
He was no longer the grubby boy she had known in those desperate times in Paris. He was expensively and well dressed. Not as a young country gentleman or a town beau, which were modes altogether different. He wore the loose soft collar and casual neckcloth of the liberal artistic set. He might have been a student or painter walking about on holiday, strolling through the countryside with friends, going from inn to inn, carrying luncheon and a sketchbook in that leather bag over his shoulder.
He glanced at her from time to time as they walked. He said abruptly, “You grew breasts.”
“Thank you. Do you know, there are many things one may notice without commenting upon.”
“When did you get to be a woman, Owl?”
“I was a woman when you first met me.”
He shook his head, perfectly serious, as if he’d given the matter consideration. “You were a kid. A scrawny one.”
“Tu es galant. I am immeasurably flattered.”
They spoke French, having fallen into it naturally, without thinking. He sounded utterly Parisian now, with the bare soupçon of the Gascon tongue underneath. If she did not know better, she would have thought he came from the south of France when he was a child. This suited him, with his Gascon looks and the arrogant assurance of the Gascon male. His voice was deeper than it had been.
“We might speak English,” she said. “I have never heard you do that.”
But she had. She remembered suddenly. Three years ago, in Paris, when she was following him secretly, she had overheard him hiss a dozen harsh words in an English she barely understood, it was so much the language of the London poor.
“They don’t want me speaking English.” Humor sliced across his face. “I don’t do it right.”
She would like to hear him speak English, “not right.” It would make him seem even more himself. “I will cajole you. I have lured many men into disobedience.”
“I’ll be one more of your dupes.” He said it in English. “I fall into lots of bad habits.”
Ah . . . but he no longer spoke the Cockney of London. His English had become overprecise, slow, careful of every syllable, as if it were not his native language. It was a pleasure to see him a little ill at ease. He had entirely too much self-assurance.
She, on the other hand, was very proud of her English. She had almost no accent. “You have not explained why you make the squashings about in the wood of the house of Doyle. Why are you haunting the bushes?”
“Somebody’s got to keep an eye out for French spies in the underbrush. And what do you know, I found one.”
“I am the delightful happenstance, am I not?”
“Too bloody right.”
Nineteen
THE DIRT LANE WAS MUDDY, OF COURSE. EVERY LANE in England was muddy. She followed him and they kept to the grass in the middle, between the wagon wheel ruts. A fine drizzle fell lightly upon them.
“Not far,” Hawker said over his shoulder. He walked like a cat, both assured and infinitely circumspect, with not one wasted motion. And also like a cat, there was no inch of him that was not elegantly constructed. Bone to bone and nerve to nerve fit together as deftly as the parts of a clock. It was as she remembered.
It would be Hawker. Hawker and no other.
When had she decided? Was it the moment he lowered his knife from her throat and they knew each other, there in the brush by the stream? Was it when he spoke his careful, uncomfortable, upper-class English to her? Or had she known this for months? From the beginning?
For a year she had planned, putting one face and then another into her thoughts, and saying, “No. Not that one. He is not right.” Had she discarded every other possibility because they were not Hawker?
I thought it would be a matter of cold calculation, but it is not. He is the man I want. If not here and now, with him, I think it will be never.
How stupid of me.