I was not sure, but I fancied Toby looked reluctant, and that she was urging him, but he said: “All right then. Come on, Carmel.”
So we went into the sitting-room and Elsie went out and left us alone.
I looked in consternation at Toby. I was certain now that all was not well.
“There’s something I have to tell you, Carmel,” he began, and hesitated.
I looked at him questioningly. It was unlike him to be at a loss for words.
“I thought there was something,” I said.
“You were different then.”
“It’s a big decision.”
“About what?”
“Well, you see, Carmel, things have been happening at home.”
“At home?”
“At Commonwood House. It’s the doctor.”
“What about him?”
“He’s not expected to live.”
“You mean, he’s dying?” I said stupidly.
“He’s had a lot of worry … and that’s how it is. Estella and Adeline are going to live with Florence, and Henry, too, of course. So you see”
“You mean, they won’t go back to Commonwood House?”
“Yes, that’s about it.”
“And the doctor is very ill? How can they be sure he’s going to die?
Mightn’t he get better? “
Toby was looking over my head. I had never seen him like this before.
“You see,” he said.
“We have to think of what is going to happen to you.”
“Is Miss Carson going with Estella and Adeline?”
“I don’t know about Miss Carson. I should not think so. I only know that Adeline and her sister are going to Florence. She will look after them.”
“You mean there is no place for me?”
He looked relieved.
“The problem is,” he went on, ‘that I haven’t a home there. Just a lodging and then I must be away most of the time.
You see what this is all about? “
I felt very uneasy, for Toby was obviously very worried.
He must have sensed my fear, for he put an arm about me.
“There’s no need to worry. Not while I’m around,” he said.
I clung to him.
“I know.”
“You’re my little girl and I’m here to look after you, so there is really nothing for you to worry about. You won’t have to go to Florence.”
“Oh, I know that. She wouldn’t want me.”
“But this is something that has to be considered very seriously.”
“Yes. Elsie knows, doesn’t she?”
He nodded.
“She’s helping to figure it out. She thought you shouldn’t be left in the dark but should be told as soon as possible.”
“What should I be told?”
“I can’t take you back to England with me because there would be nowhere suitable for you to go when you got there. You’re only eleven years old. That’s too young to be alone when I’m miles away at sea.
Besides . after this trip, I shall be away from England for a year at a time. The Lady of the Seas is more often on this side of the world. In fact, she’s reckoned to be based in Sydney more than any other port. I shall be calling here fairly frequently. Elsie had this idea, and I must say it seems a good one.
The best we can come up with at short notice. When I sail next week for home, you stay here with Elsie. In about four months’ time I’ll be back in Sydney. “
I looked at him in utter dismay and he went on quickly:
“I know your voyage is only halfway through. I did not think this could possibly happen. I thought things would be straightened out at Commonwood by the time we got back and then it would all be more or less as it was before, and when Estella went to school you would go with her. What is most important is for us to be together as much as we can. Is that not what we want?”
I nodded vigorously.
“I know what a blow this is. We have been wondering how we could tell you. Elsie thought there was no point in pulling the wool over your eyes. You should at least know what had to be. She said you were too smart to be bamboozled. This is our plan … Elsie’s and mine … and yours now. You can trust Elsie. She is one of the best. She says you should stay here. You can live with her. There’s a good school not too far away. A boarding-school where you can get a good education.
You’ll go there and in the holidays you’d be with Elsie, and when my ship comes in, you and I will be together. “
He drew back and looked at me searchingly. Then suddenly he put his arms round me and held me tightly.
“It’s the best thing, Carmel, my darling child. I assure you, in the circumstances, it is the only way.”
I was too bewildered to take it in. I could only cling to him and assure myself that he was still there, that he was my father and he would love me for ever. But the wonderful journey home would not take place. He would go away in a very short time, and it would be a long time before I saw him again. This new country was to be my home.
It was too sudden and too bewildering to take in all at once. I was in a way like one of those people who had been taken from England and sent to a new land uncertain, disbelieving that this could really be happening to me. But I was not like those people. They had had no one, and I had Toby to love me, even if he had to leave me. And there was Elsie at hand, and I was already fond of her.
My thoughts went back to that early morning when I had suddenly heard the mocking laughter of the kookaburras. I had thought that the laughter sounded like a warning. Perhaps it had been in a way.
Life had seemed too good, and perhaps life is not like that.
Then I thought: But Toby is my father. Nothing can change that. I may not see him for a long time, but he will come back. He is truly my father and he will always be there.
The Sundowner
Gertie and I had said goodbye to all our old school friends to the school itself, and the way of life which had come to an end after more than six years. The long end of term holiday was before us only it was more than the end of term for us. I should probably spend some time at the Formans’ property in Yomaloo, and Gertie would come to stay with me for a time at Elsie’s. It was a pattern we had followed over the last years.
In March of next year I should be eighteen years old, and it seemed a long time since Toby had told me I should not be returning to England.
It had all happened so quickly then. Long-term arrangements had been brushed aside and in a few days a new way of life had been established. I had been so bewildered in the beginning that I seemed to have been caught up in a whirlwind, and suddenly deposited in a new home, in a new country. But I never forgot how lucky I was to have two people such as Toby and Elsie caring for me.
When Toby had taken me away from England on that fantastic trip, I had escaped into a wonderland and thought that I had found happiness for ever after. Now, from the wisdom of my maturer years, I could look back on the child I had been then and smile. Happiness is not like that. It cannot be there for ever. It has to be waited for and that is why it is so precious when it comes.
How grateful I should be to Elsie! She was, I supposed, my stepmother.
She was more like an older and so much wiser sister. She told me, in a rare sentimental moment, that she had always wanted a daughter. I had filled that need.
It had been February of that year, just before I was eleven years old, when Toby had sailed off in the Lady of the Seas, leaving me alone with Elsie, whom I had known for about one week.
I shall always remember going on board and saying farewell, and that lost, empty feeling because I was not going to see him for a long time. But Elsie understood my grief and helped me to bear it. Toby had tried to be merry and succeeded to a certain extent. He kept assuring me it would not be so long before he would be back, and then we would make some exciting plans.