“Kitty’s quarters,” said Phillida.
“Will she be able to manage the house?”
“Yes ... for the time we are here. As we keep saying, it isn’t going to be very long.”
“I’m sure it is not,” added Roland.
Phillida looked at him and laughed. “It really is so exciting,” she said.
I wished I could agree with her.
Darkness fell. Kitty filled lamps with paraffin oil and lighted the wicks. The place looked dismal in the shrouded glow they gave. I felt an impulse to run out of the house.
In the dining room we partook of the stew which Kitty had made. It was hot, quite appetizing and I felt better. Roland was watching me anxiously. “You’ll get used to it,” he said quietly. “Remember it isn’t going to be for long.
We’ll soon find something, then you’ll laugh at all this.”
“I think it’s fine,” said Phillida.
Kitty had made an apple pie which she brought in proudly.
“The oven’s quite good,” she said.
“You’ve done wonders, Kitty,” Phillida told her. “Don’t you think so, Lucie?”
“Oh, yes, I do.”
When the meal was over I said I would finish my unpacking.
Roland said he wanted to go out to look at the stables and see about horses for us.
He had wanted to consult me and tomorrow would go and see what he could find. I went up to the bedroom which had been allotted to Roland and me. There was a large walk-in cupboard which would be useful. I tried to lift my spirits by repeating what Roland and Phillida were constantly saying: it will not be for long. Yes, it will, I thought, it will be for ever.
I toyed with the thought of telling Roland. I knew he would be sympathetic and understanding. It would be better than letting him think I had turned from him. I could not bear to contemplate his caresses. I knew now that I could not be happy with any man but Joel.
There was a knock on the door. It was Phillida, bright and breezy as ever.
“How are you getting on?” she asked.
“Oh, quite well.”
She came into the room. “I’m afraid you are a little disappointed in this place.”
“Oh... it’s all right. It is rather lonely.”
“You feel shut off from everything, do you? But there are the three of us. We’ll be all right together. Roland and I are getting used to it. It was just that we couldn’t find anything else and we thought... just for a short time ...”
“It will look a lot brighter when the sun shines.”
“We’ll start in earnest tomorrow. I just love looking at houses... particularly with the prospect of buying one. Houses are fascinating, I always think. Ugh ... it’s a bit chilly in here, don’t you think?”
“Yes, it is a little.”
“The window’s open. Shall we shut it?”
“Yes,” I said and went over to it. I froze with horror. Standing below, looking up at the window, was a figure in a cloak and opera hat.
I gave a little cry.
“So chilly,” Phillida was saying. “I think we shall need some fires in the bedrooms.” I was not listening. I was just standing there, staring down. And as I did so, he lifted his hat. Clearly I saw the widow’s peak.
I heard Phillida’s voice, “What is it, Lucie?”
She rose and came to stand beside me. I turned to her almost triumphantly because he was still there. Phillida was staring blankly out of the window. “What is it?” she said. “What are you looking at?”
“Look-look! He’s there.”
“What? Where””
“Down there.” I turned to her. “Surely you can see ...”
She was looking at me incredulously. I saw fear in her face. “Oh ... my God!” I heard her murmur. She sat down on the bed.
I went to her. “You saw, Phillida. No one can say I imagined it now.”
She looked at me pityingly. “Oh, Lucie... Lucie ... I don’t know what to say.”
I dragged her back to the window.
He was gone.
“You saw him... you can confirm ...”
She shook her head and avoided looking at me.
“Lucie... I’m sorry ... I saw nothing. There was nothing there.”
“You can’t mean that. You’re lying ...”
“Oh, Lucie, I wish I were.”
I was astounded and angry.
I cried, “You did see him. You must have. He was standing there. He took off his hat and bowed. You must have seen his hair.”
“Lucie, my dear, dear Lucie, there was no one there.”
“I saw him, I tell you, I saw him.”
“Lucie dear, you have had a terrible shock... sometimes it takes a long time to get over these things.”
“You are not telling the truth. Why do you lie?”
“How I wish I were! How I wish I could say I saw him. I’d give anything to say I did. But I didn’t. I just didn’t. Truly... there was no one there.” I covered my face with my hands. She was lying, I was telling myself. She must be.
But why?
Roland had come into the room. “What on earth is the matter?” he asked.
“Oh, Roland ...” said Phillida. “It was terrible ...”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“Lucie saw ... or thought she saw ...”
“I saw! I saw!” I shouted.
“It was the ghost again.”
“Where?”
“Down there. Outside, the one Lucie thought she saw before.”
“Oh, Lucie,” said Roland. “My dear Lucie.”
“I was there with her, Roland. There wasn’t anybody there.”
“She saw him,” I said. “She must have seen him. She’s not telling the truth. Why?
Why?”
“I think you should get to bed, Lucie. Phillida...” He looked toward the door. He was telling her to go. She disturbed me. “Come, Lucie,” he went on. “Tell me about it. Was it ... the same?”
Phillida was at the door. “I’ll get something to drink,” she said. “It will do her a lot of good.”
Roland sat beside me.
“Tell me all about it,” he said soothingly.
“I went to the window and I saw him there. I called to Phillida. She came. She was right beside me. She said she couldn’t see anything. She must have seen him. He was there... right there.”
He stroked my hair. “Lucie,” he said. “Why don’t you get to bed. You’re tired out.”
“Please don’t treat me like an imbecile, Roland,” I said sharply.
“It’s the last thing I want to do. But you are tired out.”
“I don’t like this place.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not for long, you’re going to say. I don’t like it for one night, let alone a month.”
“Look, Lucie. You’re here with us ... with me. I’ll make everything all right. We’ll find something soon. There’ll be all the fun of getting it how we want it.” I wanted to shout at him, I don’t want a new house. I want to go to Joel. “Look. Why don’t you get undressed and slip into bed? You’ll find everything different in the morning.”
“Why did Phillida say she saw nothing when she so obviously did?”
“It could have been a trick of the light.”
“That’s nonsense. He was down there. I saw the opera hat and his awful unmistakable hair.”
“Perhaps Phillida couldn’t see as well. The light ...”
It was no use. Mechanically, I undressed and lay down. I wanted to shut out everything ... I longed to be back before that tragic day when my father was killed. I felt an overwhelming need to leave this house which I had begun to dread. I wanted to go back to Celeste tomorrow. I wanted to meet Joel at the Round Pond and talk and talk until we found some solution. I wanted to say: I am coming to you. I cannot live any other life.