I’ve made a terrible mistake…
Chapter 11
Gray Wing woke up, blinking at the sunlight that streamed into his den. The kits who shared it with him were nowhere to be seen, their nests cold. Where have they gone? he wondered, struggling to his paws and trying to ignore the ache in his joints. I hope they’re not getting into any trouble. He would never forget how Tom had taken the kits away, and how Turtle Tail had been killed when she went to look for them. And now Tom’s in the forest again…
Leaving the den, Gray Wing saw that the sun was already high in the sky; it was a crisp, cold day with a hint of frost on the breeze. Tall Shadow was sitting on her rock keeping watch, as usual.
Lightning Tail and Shattered Ice were returning from a hunting expedition, a rabbit dangling from each of their jaws, while the three newcomers were practicing their hunting moves in the middle of the clearing.
I must have slept in again, Gray Wing thought guiltily, remembering the days when he would always be the first cat to wake up.
An ear-splitting yowl roused Gray Wing from his memories. That’s Wind Runner!
His pelt prickling with apprehension, Gray Wing turned toward Wind Runner’s den, seeing that several cats were clustered around the entrance. His fear deepening, his heart beginning to pound, he raced over to join them.
Shouldering his way between Jagged Peak and Dappled Pelt, he saw that Wind Runner’s kit
Morning Whisker was lying on her side just inside the den, her belly horribly swollen. Blood was dribbling from her mouth and from sores beneath her fur. Nausea gripped Gray Wing’s belly at the same time as deep compassion welled up inside him.
She has the sickness!
“I can’t bear it!” Wind Runner whimpered. She was standing a couple of fox-lengths away, leaning on Gorse Fur for support. “I can’t lose another kit! Why couldn’t it be me instead?”
Then Gray Wing spotted Pebble Heart slipping into the den beside Morning Whisker and leaning over her, opening his jaws to push some chewed-up herb into the sick kit’s mouth. Her littermates, Moth Flight and Dust Muzzle, watched anxiously from their mother’s side.
Instinctively Gray Wing sprang forward and knocked Pebble Heart away from the struggling kit, spinning him around to face him. “What are you doing?” he demanded angrily. “Stay away from that kit! She’s dying!”
Pebble Heart set the lump of chewed leaves down carefully. “I know,” he replied. “I was helping to treat her. Cloud Spots says that tansy—”
“Where is Cloud Spots?” Gray Wing interrupted. “He should be dealing with this, not a cat as young as you.”
Pebble Heart rubbed his cheek affectionately against Gray Wing’s shoulder. “Cloud Spots went to gather herbs. We’ve been using the tansy, and we’ve nearly finished what we had in our collection.
We need more, so Cloud Spots left me in charge.”
Gray Wing closed his eyes, feeling like a complete mouse-brain. “Oh…” he muttered. His instincts still screamed at him to keep Pebble Heart away from the sick cat, although he knew that that poor little Morning Whisker had no other hope. Pebble Heart is special, he reminded himself. He has his own path to follow.
“I’m going to give this tansy to Morning Whisker,” Pebble Heart mewed, picking up the chewed-up lump and gently forcing it between her jaws. “Don’t worry. Cloud Spots told me to be careful not to touch her sores or let her breathe on me.”
As Gray Wing watched, Owl Eyes slipped up to his side and touched noses with him. “Morning Whisker will be okay, won’t she?” he asked anxiously.
Gray Wing let out a long sigh. “I don’t know.” There’s so much I don’t know these days…
Gray Wing padded over to Gorse Fur and Wind Runner, laying his tail comfortingly over the distraught she-cat’s back. “Morning Whisker will be okay,” he told her, wishing he believed his own words. “You mustn’t lose hope.”
Wind Runner broke off her pitiful yowling and sank to the ground. “That’s easy for you to say,” she whimpered. “All your kits are alive and healthy.”
Gray Wing rested a paw on her shoulder. “My kits may be alive,” he mewed gently, “but my mate is gone, and I know grief as well as you. You cannot let the misery overwhelm you. Your other kits still need you, and you must focus on helping them.”
Wind Runner blinked and turned her head away, still trembling, but Gorse Fur gave Gray Wing a grateful nod. “We don’t know what will happen,” he murmured to his mate.
Gray Wing padded away, leaving the two cats to their suffering. Then he realized that one of his kits was still unaccounted for. Beckoning to Owl Eyes, he asked, “Where’s Sparrow Fur?”
“She went to find our father,” Owl Eyes replied.
Gray Wing flinched, though he tried to hide the pain he felt to hear one of the kits call Tom his father. Even though it’s true… “Wait a moment,” he meowed. “Why would she go off into the forest without telling me?”
Owl Eyes scrabbled at the ground with his forepaws, not meeting Gray Wing’s gaze. “Jagged Peak said it was okay. Anyway, we’re all one big group now, aren’t we?”
“Sort of,” Gray Wing responded, wincing as he realized he wasn’t sure what the rules were anymore. He couldn’t help thinking of Tom’s treachery in the past—the way he had stolen the kits, and that he might have been involved in Turtle Tail’s death.
“No, this isn’t right,” he growled, glancing around wildly. Fear surged over him as he imagined what Tom might do to Sparrow Fur, or what other dangers the kit might encounter alone in the forest without him or any of her denmates. Foxes, dogs, Twolegs… she might meet any of them! “We have to form a search party. We have to get her back.”
He spotted Jagged Peak, who had joined Holly and the other newcomers, and beckoned him over with a commanding flick of his tail.
“What’s wrong?” Jagged Peak asked as he limped up.
“Sparrow Fur— my kit—went off to find Tom the kittypet, and Owl Eyes said you gave her permission!”
Jagged Peak’s eyes widened with surprise. “Yes, I did. Is there a problem?”
“A problem?” Gray Wing was stunned. “You let her go? She’s just a kit!”
Jagged Peak began to look uncomfortable. “I’m sorry. I thought it would be okay. After all, he is their father. And she’s not a tiny kit anymore.”
Gray Wing had to admit that his brother was right. The kits were growing up. And Sparrow Fur always knows what she wants, just like her mother.
Gray Wing’s heart pounded as he thought over what Jagged Peak had just told him. It sounds so reasonable, he thought. And yet… “They have no mother now,” he meowed. “I’m all they have. I must protect her.”
Jagged Peak twitched his whiskers to show he understood. “That’s true,” he responded gently.
“But the kits are nearly grown. They aren’t helpless anymore. They’re old enough to make their own decisions, and all three of them wanted to train with Tom.”
Gray Wing shook his head. “But what if… what if…”
“What if what?” Jagged Peak asked, amusement glimmering in his blue eyes. “You can’t protect them forever. You can’t protect any cat forever, Gray Wing, no matter how hard you try to. That’s a lesson I must learn, too.”
Gray Wing looked at him and wondered whether the young cat was talking about how Gray Wing had treated him. It’s true. I have always tried to protect him. But where’s the harm in that?