In truth, my lovers had been few, but they had all been formidable men who were not without sensitivity and a certain acceptance that I was a woman who was not a woman. I was the body and sensibilities of a woman with the power and drive of a man, and to take away from me was to take away from themselves. So they gave the best they had, even my ex-husband. Tony, who was the least evolved in the lot, and sexuality was a shared erotic competition. Like two creatures of equal strength who had found each other in the jungle, we tumbled and took as much as we gave.
But Benton was so different I still could not quite believe it. Our male and female pieces had interlocked in a manner unparalleled and unfamiliar, for it was as if he was the other side of me. Or maybe we were the same.
I did not quite know what I had expected, and certainly I had imagined us together long before we were. He would be soft beneath his hard reserve, like a warrior sleepy and warm in a hammock tethered between mighty trees. But when we had begun to touch on the porch in the early morning, his hands had surprised me.
As his fingers undid clothing and found me, they moved as if they knew a woman's body as well as a woman did, and I felt more than his passion. I felt his empathy, as if he wanted to heal those places he had seen so hated and harmed. He seemed sorrowed by everyone who had ever raped or battered or been unkind-as if their collective sins had cost him the right to enjoy a woman's body as he was enjoying mine.
I had told him in bed that I had never known a man to truly enjoy a woman's body, that I did not like to be devoured or overpowered, which was why sex for me was rare.
"I can see why anyone would want to devour your body," he matter-of-factly had said in the dark.
"I can see why anyone would want to devour yours," I said with candor, too.
"But people overpowering people is why you and I have the work we do."
"Then we won't use devour and overpower anymore. No more words like that. We'll come up with a new language." The words of our new language came easily, and we had gotten fluent fast.
I felt much improved after my bath and rummaged through my carry-on bag for something new and different to wear. But that was an impossibility, and I put on the deep blue jacket, pants, and turtleneck sweater I had been wearing for days. The bottle of Scotch was low, and I sipped slowly as I watched the national news. Several times I thought of calling Marino's room, only to put the receiver down before I dialed.
My thoughts traveled north to Newport, and I wanted to talk to Lucy. I resisted that impulse, too. If I could get through, it would not be good for her. She needed to concentrate on her treatment and not on what she had left at home. I called my mother instead.
"Dorothy's staying the night up there in the Marriott and flying back to Miami in the morning," she told me.
"Katie, where are you? I've been trying you at home all day."
"I'm on the road," I said.
"Well, a lot that says. All this cloak-and-dagger stuff you do. But you would think you could tell your mother."
I could see her in my mind puffing a cigarette and holding the phone. My mother liked big earrings and bright makeup, and she did not look northern Italian like I did. She was not fair.
"Mother, how is Lucy? What has Dorothy said?"
"She says Lucy's queer, for one thing, and she blames it on you. I told her that was ridiculous. I told her just because you're never with men and probably don't like sex doesn't mean you're a homo. It's the same thing with nuns. Though I've heard the rumors" - "Mother," I interrupted, "is Lucy okay? How was the trip to Edgehill? What was her demeanor? "
"What? She's a witness now? Her demeanor? The way you talk to your simple mother and don't even realize. She got drunk on the way up, if you want to know."
"I don't believe it!" I said, furious with Dorothy yet again.
"I thought the point of Lucy being with her mother was so something like that wouldn't happen. "
"Dorothy says that unless Lucy was drunk when they put her in detox, insurance won't pay. So Lucy drank screwdrivers on the plane the entire trip."
"I don't give a damn if insurance pays. And Dorothy isn't exactly poor."
"You know how she is about money."
"I will pay for anything Lucy needs. You know that, Mother."
"You talk as if you're Ross Perot."
"What else did Dorothy say?"
"All I know, in summary, is Lucy was in one of her moods and upset with you because you couldn't be bothered to take her to Edgehill. Especially since you picked it out and are a doctor and all. "
I groaned, and it was like arguing with the wind.
"Dorothy didn't want me to go."
"As usual, it's your word against hers. When are you coming home for Thanksgiving?" Needless to say, when our conversation was ended, which simply meant I could take no more and got off the phone, my bath had been undone. I started to pour more Scotch, but stopped, because there was not enough alcohol in the world when my family made me angry. And I thought of Lucy. I put away the bottle and not many minutes later there was a knock on my door.
"It's Benton," his voice said. We hugged for a long time, and he could feel my desperation in the way I clung to him. He led me over to the bed and sat beside me.
"Start from the beginning," he said, holding both my hands.
I did. When I was finished, his face held that impervious look I knew from work, and I was unnerved by it. I did not want that look in this room when we were alone.
"Kay, I want you to slow down. Do you realize the magnitude of our going forward with an accusation like that? We can't just close our minds off to the possibility that Denesa Steiner is innocent. We just don't know.
"And what happened on the plane should tell you that you're not being a hundred percent analytical. I mean, this really disturbs me. Some bozo on the ground crew's just being a hero, and you immediately think the Steiner woman's behind that, too; that she's screwing with your mind again."
"It isn't just my mind she's screwing with," I said, removing one of my hands from his.
"She tried to kill me."
"Again, that's speculative."
"Not according to what I was told after making several phone calls."
"You can't prove it. I doubt you'll ever be able to prove it."
"We've got to find her car."
"Do you want to drive by her house tonight?"
"Yes. But I don't have a car yet," I said.
"I have one."
"Did you get the printout of the image enhancement?"
"It's in my briefcase. I looked at it." He got up and shrugged.
"It meant nothing to me. Just a hazy blob that's been washed with a zillion shades of gray until it's now a denser, more detailed blob."
"Benton, we've got to do something." He looked a long time at me and pressed his lips together the way he did when he was determined but skeptical.
"That's why we're here, Kay. We're here to do something. " He had rented a dark red Maxima, and when we went outside, I realized that winter was not far off, especially here in the mountains. I was shivering by the time I got into the car, and I knew this was partially due to stress.
"How are your hand and leg, by the way?" I asked.
"Pretty much good as new."
"Well, that's rather miraculous, since they weren't new when you cut them." He laughed, more out of surprise than anything else. At the moment, Wesley wasn't expecting humor.
"I've got one piece of information about the duct tape," he then said.
"We've been looking into who from this area might have worked at Shuford Mills during the time the tape was manufactured."
"A very good idea," I said.
"There was a guy named Rob Kelsey who was a foreman there. He lived in the Hickory area during the time the tape was made, but he retired to Black Mountain five years ago."