Rin, Kyou and Bran were noticeably absent for the next few dances. I did take a turn with Carr, who was carefully correct, and thankfully saw he went on to ask Lania for the next foxtrot. I decided to sit this one out as well, perhaps because I spotted Kade heading in my direction, and decided I didn’t want to dance with him at all. That my turn had rubbed me the wrong way.
Taking the simplest way out, I went to the bathroom and lurked for a little while, fiddling with strands of hair in the mirror. Then I went and wandered along the path between Sports One and the library, sorting out my thoughts.
Enjoy where you are now. It had been my philosophy for as long as I could remember. Leaving people behind was a part of life, and I had never been so resistant to the idea before. But I would cope.
"Mika."
Kyou’s voice, so distinctive and rich. I turned and looked at him, his face hidden by the black cat mask, his body lean in his closely-tailored suit.
"The south lawn seems an excellent spot for dancing," he said. "Would you like to test it out?"
The south lawn wasn’t far away, but it was surrounded by hedges, and so I nodded immediately, and followed him through the trees.
"How did you know where I was?" I asked.
"Saw you leave the building. Had your fill of socialising?"
"I didn’t want to dance with your cousin."
"Who? Oh, do you mean Kade? Was he obnoxious? He doesn’t actually mean to be—he’s just so used to people falling at his feet that he can’t help but treat them as carpet."
Slipping off our shoes, we walked out onto the south lawn. The moon, not quite full, was more than bright enough to show our features, and I glanced back at the area’s entrance, wondering if I could make out the shape of someone watching.
"Rin and Bran, ready to fend off passers-by," Kyou said, noticing my gaze. "Speaking of which…" He slid a phone out of an inner pocket and made some quick adjustments. "They did something we could dance to recently."
A long, low cello note sounded. Kyou arranged his phone in his breast pocket, and took my hand as a sweet violin joined us beneath the cold moon. A light breeze played with my skirt as we took our first steps, and the stars were bright. Unfettered from my heels, I floated across the lawn.
"This music is so beautiful," I murmured. "Is it another piece for one of your games? Is there a dance scene?"
"For One Step More, and not exactly. It’s meant to bring to mind a waltz, and is one of the most important pieces in the game. Rin’s shed blood over it."
I half-closed my eyes, trying to guess what the scene would be like from sound cues alone. It made me think of flying. And, like all good things, it was over too soon. I dropped my hand from Kyou’s shoulder, and he automatically moved to shut off his phone.
"I couldn’t have planned a better setting for this dance," he said, softly. "If only freezing time were practical."
He took my hand in a grip that was a little too tight, and led me unhurriedly back to our shoes, and then to two other tall figures, waiting by the path.
"Serious talk time?" I asked, gauging what I could make out of their expressions in the shadow of the trees.
"Well, catching up on a thousand postponed conversations," Kyou said. "We decided—it seems a very long time ago now—that the one thing we had to do was get you through the exams before unloading any spare feelings on you."
"Shift location," Bran said, and led the way along the hedge-lined paths to a large gazebo surrounded by flower beds.
"Is this where the Rose Court has lunch?" I asked, looking around. "I can almost see why people want to join."
"No lunch spot is worth the hoops they put people through," Kyou said, sitting down.
I picked a seat just by the stair, Bran and Rin sat opposite me, and then there was a little silence. We’d wound about enough to be relatively close to Sports One again, and a lively orchestra piece made its way through the windows, very mismatched with the moment.
"I deleted all the scores on the app," Bran said, finally. "I don’t want to know."
"It wouldn’t have mattered," I said, after a brief hesitation. "I decided to fake them to make you all come out even."
Rin laughed, then leaned his head back and sighed. "Mika, you undo me. You—this whole situation—has spiralled so far out of expectation that we’re at a loss. None of us want to end this. But we don’t want to go on the way things have been, either."
"Sneaking about was all very fun until it really wasn’t," Kyou said.
"What are you proposing?" I asked, not allowing myself to get my hopes up. If there was an easy solution, I would have already thought of it. University wouldn’t have convenient private gardens, even if we wanted to go on clandestinely. And if we were seen heading to hotels, or each other’s houses, the intense interest in everything about the Three Kings would inevitably risk the kind of exposure that I, sanguine about everything except my career, could not afford.
"We asked you to be impartial. Now, well…" Kyou’s voice actually wavered, and I saw his hands curl into fists on his knees. "Now, we want to know if you have a preference."
I found myself flushing with anger, but then I only felt tired. Bran had dropped his head to glower at his feet, while Rin, without moving, had somehow lost all his poise. They, like me, had tried to think of a way out of this trap, and failed.
"I’m not sure I’ve met anyone as close as you three are to each other," I said slowly. "Lifelong friendship, and you came ready-made with a demonstration of what happens when someone tries to pull you apart. Even if I could pick one of you—an exercise that feels somewhat on par with deciding which of my limbs I could give up—I never will. I won’t do that to you."
There was a lot more I could say, but really nothing to add, so I simply stood up and walked away from them. No one stopped me.
I hadn’t expected them to make it so hard, to tempt me with at least not losing one of them, and force me to say no.
Seventy-Three
I spent the next two days mechanically going through the familiar process of preparing to leave. Because I wasn’t absolutely sure what city I’d end up in, I couldn’t start house-hunting yet, and hadn’t given notice on my apartment. Even so, I prepared everything for departure, emptying the fridge, cleaning enough to expect the bond to be returned, and packing all my belongings.
Ms Lezecki, the guidance counsellor, contacted me the day before I was due to fly out to notify me I was Dux of the School. Given I was heading out of the country, they wanted me to come in wearing my uniform for a medal presentation, some photographs, and to record a short message to be played at the graduation ceremony. Luckily my flight wasn’t until the afternoon, so I arranged a time the next morning. Then I called Millie and asked for makeup tips, since the last few days showed a little too clearly on my face.
Even with expert help, Ms Lezecki gave me a lecture after the photos were done.
"I know stern warnings about health don’t seem very relevant at your age," she said. "But these stresses build up on your body. Aim for a little moderation."
"No more two-day tabletop dancing sessions?" I asked, twirling my medal on its ribbon, and then laughed at her expression. "Just insomnia, Ms Lezecki. I’m very boring."