‘That’s true,’ he said. ‘When she wants me, she slips both arms under my armpits, and clamps her hands on my shoulder blades.’
I stared at him and laughed.
‘Where did you get your money?’ I asked.
‘Money? Huh! It’s all stolen,’ he said. I laughed again. ‘Really,’ he continued. ‘You don’t believe me? Well, you do what you do in this business — sometimes you use all the tricks of the trade and sometimes you don’t. Like when you’re starting something new, just put a toe in the water. If you do that the right way then you’re half way there. Put it in wrong and you’ll be sorry.’
What a big head. So this was why he wanted to spend the evening drinking with me. Some people have to boast all the time. They just love showing off how clever they are, making other people look dumb. They love giving you a shock. He wasn’t even looking at me. He was just listening to the sound of his own voice.
‘It’s not worth trying to get money out of old folks, nor your average housewife either, they only have enough to do the shopping. As for young girls, they’re jail bait. If you touch them and you slip up, you get arrested. You’re better off nicking a housewife’s purse and getting yourself a hooker … ’
I burst out laughing. It sounded like he’d given this some serious thought.
‘Banks, that’s where the money is,’ he went on.
‘Banks?’ I blurted out. ‘But they’re like Fort Knox.’
He looked at me sideways.
‘You don’t understand a thing, do you? Sure, security’s tight but that doesn’t matter. The cashiers are shut away behind reinforced glass, sure, and the trays are so small you have to scrabble around for the cash, but there’s always a way. Each little safe is packed tight with bank notes, packed tight as pancakes. Get it?’
He slapped me on the back. I jumped. I was day-dreaming like an idiot. I pulled myself together and jabbed my finger at him.
‘You’re going to rob a bank. That’s what you’re saying, isn’t it.’
He leaped to his feet and rushed to the door, straining to hear if there was anyone outside. He looked like a criminal on the run. Maybe I’d gone too far. He gripped the bottle in his hand so hard it looked like it was going to break.
‘Are you going to turn me in?’ he demanded.
‘Why would I do that?’ I said. ‘You’re hardly going to rob my house, there’s nothing here. And I’d get nothing as a reward.’ I carried on trying to humiliate myself, trying to make myself look dumb. I wanted to lay my heart bare. I wanted to shout ‘I’m no good! I haven’t even got a girlfriend. Why would she ever go for someone like me instead of you?’
Eventually he sat down again. He looked at me for a long time.
‘There’ll be a job in two days’ time,’ he said.
4
I started listening to the news. I’d never paid any attention before, certainly not the local news. But there I was, jumping to my feet every time they played the title sequence. I didn’t dare watch at home, or anywhere I might be recognised. I ran all the way to a shop a few streets away and sneaked into the middle of a crowd of migrant workers who used to peer at a black and white TV in the window.
I was waiting for news of a bank robbery.
But there was nothing. Nothing for days on end.
How stupid. What an arsehole. Why did I ever believe a man like that?
But a week later, the bastard turned up again. Still driving the Lexus, still jingling the keys. This time, he brought her along. I was so embarrassed when I saw her. I thought he’d brought her along to see what an arsehole I was. They must have been having a good laugh about me.
I gave her a wary smile, but she didn’t smile back.
‘Were you two doing business the other day?’
‘What?’ I yelped. ‘Business?’
He gave me a wink.
‘Yeah … sure,’ I said. I don’t know why I lied for him. It was as if I was mesmerised by his wink.
He exploded in giggles, as if someone had jabbed him in the ribs.
‘You’re trying to fool me too,’ she said. ‘You’re ganging up on me.’
I started laughing too.
‘No more deals!’ She was almost hysterical. ‘And don’t leave me behind!’
‘So where’s the money going to come from if I don’t do deals?’ he said, all serious now. But all I could think of was the way he had talked about stealing. I laughed even harder. ‘If we don’t have money, what are you going to eat, or wear? What about the car, damn it, or the wedding?’ The more he talked, the more he got worked up. Something had really got to him — he was losing it. I reached out and tried to calm him down, but it just seemed to wind him up even more. ‘What do you women know about anything?’ he shouted. ‘All you do is eat, get dressed and spend money. I’d give anything to be a woman and get taken around all day every day and have nothing to worry about. Did I ask to be a man? Did I?’
He flung the door open and stormed out. I followed, my heart in my mouth. I thought he was going to kill himself, I don’t know why. I caught up with him and grabbed his arm. He tried to pull away but I hung on. We weren’t just two guys after the same girl any more, it was like we were fellow sufferers.
‘Life’s such a bitch,’ he said. ‘It always ends up like this. Always.’
‘I know, I know.’ I nodded. ‘And it’s men who get the raw deal. We never asked to be a man.’ It was like I was going to kill myself.
‘You have no idea … I was putting together a huge deal last week and she screwed it all up.’
I jumped. Did he mean that bank job?
Just then she came out of the house. I was suddenly furious, as if she’d screwed up my deal, not his. They got into the car and he started the engine. I stuck my head through the window.
‘So … what’s going to happen about that business?’
He looked up.
‘It’ll have to wait until next week.’
She was giving me a strange look. I ignored it. I stood up straight and gave his shoulder a squeeze.
‘You be careful,’ I said.
5
They robbed a savings bank. They forced open the iron door to the cashiers’ counter and smashed up the security camera. It was chaos. How fucking audacious was that? The chairs were all tipped over, there was paper all over the floor and scuff marks as if they’d dragged out something heavy. Everyone in the crowd outside the shop window was riveted to the TV, standing there completely silent as the newsreader declared: ‘The Qiao Xi branch of the Construction Bank has achieved notable success in raising alertness and strengthened security measures have been put in place.’
That sounded pretty fishy.
I ran down to the bank. It was open for business as normal, the staff sitting calmly behind the counter. There were no customers, not a single scrap of paper on the floor. It was all spick and span. Unnaturally so, in fact. It looked like someone had just given it a coat of paint. Of course. On TV it was only good news, never bad news. So if something was reported as extremely good news, in reality things were pretty bad, and if they reported anything bad at all, it had to mean there had been a total disaster. They had a wonderful way of putting a positive spin on bad news: after a flood they’d report on disaster relief and flood prevention, after a bank robbery they’d report on tightening security … I smiled. Everybody loved watching a good disaster, their eyes glued to the TV. They’d stand on tired feet outside the shop, nowhere to sit down, slapping at the mosquitoes, watching something that could never happen that had actually happened. A bank job. How fucking audacious was that! They’d gasp in astonishment at the fistfuls of recovered bank notes the police displayed to the cameras, cursing and swearing because they couldn’t have any of it themselves. They’d rail at theft and robbery, bribery and corruption precisely because they weren’t thieving and taking bribes themselves. They’d picture themselves in the robbers’ shoes and get really pissed off.