‘Can’t you hear me? That’s no place for kids. Come back here!’
The man wore a tatty old cloak woven out of rushes and carried a hoe. He was obviously dirt poor. I didn’t want to go back to a life like his, I wanted to go to heaven. And besides, what was it to do with him? I was just about to jump when he grabbed me. He dragged me away from the edge and told me to go back to the village. But as soon as I was out of his sight I ran further along the cliff and headed back up.
Blockhead and Iron Egg were there. What were they up to? I ducked down and turned to go, but they chased after me calling out ‘Come and play with us!’
I said I didn’t want to.
‘You’re still angry about the puppies, aren’t you’ said Blockhead.
Puppies? I looked at him blankly. Then I remembered that Blockhead’s big sandy dog had just given birth to a bunch of puppies. He hadn’t let me stroke them. He said I’d make them choke because my hands smelled of death. But he let Iron Egg sneak into the house and stroke them.
‘Don’t get angry,’ he said. ‘I’ll let you stroke them too.’
But his voice sounded fuzzy and his face was blurred, as if I was looking at him through a pane of glass. Those puppies seemed so long ago. And it was true, I really did smell of death. I was dead already. I didn’t care about any of that old stuff. That’s what happens when someone dies. You have nothing to do with anything any more.
‘Don’t worry about it,’ I said.
‘You’re not angry?’ asked Blockhead.
‘No.’
‘Then you’ll play with us?
‘No.’
‘Then you must be still angry!’ said Iron Egg.
‘I’m not,’ I said. ‘I’ve got something to do.’
That told them. That was the kind of thing grown-ups said. Blockhead and Iron Egg had always been mean to me. If they didn’t feel like playing, they didn’t. And if they wanted to play with me, then of course I had to. But now I could tell them to get lost because I didn’t need them any more.
‘What?’ they asked.
I didn’t want to tell them. I couldn’t.
‘Tell us. Please, please!’ they begged. Iron Egg looked really worried. He was jigging on the spot like he had to pee. He was pleading with me. This was great. I told them about the mobile phone.
‘Where is it?’ said Blockhead. ‘We can all play with it.’
I smelled a rat. If they came along, there’d be three of us trying to grab the phone. And they’d always been better at grabbing than me.
‘There’s no phone. I was just kidding.’ I said.
‘There is. You’re lying.’
‘I’m not.’
‘You are. You’re still angry about the puppies!’
Why did they keep going on about the puppies? Those tiny puppies weren’t going to stop me. I’d wasted too much time already. What if the priest worked out what I was up to and died before I did? And it was getting dark.
‘I’m not,’ I snapped.
‘Look! Look, you’re angry,’ said Blockhead. ‘I’ll go and get one of the puppies for you to stroke. I’ll bring it here.’
I really wasn’t bothered, but he insisted: ‘I’m going now. Wait here.’
Blockhead grabbed Iron Egg’s arm, but Iron Egg said he’d stay and keep an eye on me. They were such a pain. Blockhead disappeared into the undergrowth and Iron Egg made a face at his retreating back. I couldn’t believe it.
‘But Blockhead let you stroke the puppies,’ I said.
‘Actually I didn’t stroke them,’ said Iron Egg. ‘I only touched the very tip of the tip of the fur.’ He held out his hand, his fingers reaching out into thin air. ‘Blockhead’s the meanest, meanest, meanest, meanest, meanest, meanest, meanest, meanest meanie,’ he snarled.
I couldn’t believe he was talking about Blockhead like that. It was brilliant.
‘I’ve got something to show you,’ said Iron Egg. ‘A thirteen-colour toad.’
‘A thirteen-colour toad?’ I yelped.
‘I found one. I hid it in a cave on North Hill.’
That was impossible. How could Iron Egg have got hold of something from a fairy tale? He must have made a mistake.
‘Come this way,’ said Iron Egg, and pulled my hand. I didn’t care about the frog, I just wanted a friend. I forgot about dying. The only reason I wanted to die before was that I didn’t have a best friend. We headed off towards North Hill. It was pretty tough going, but I tried to stroll along as if it was nothing. I started to puff and pant, larking around like I was exhausted. He roared with laughter.
I’d never noticed how thin he was before. The soles of his shoes were worn right through.
‘Iron Egg, I’ll take you with me to heaven.’ He didn’t understand. ‘I’ll let you play with the mobile.’
‘Great!’ His eyes lit up. ‘But I’ll show you the frog first.’
‘Don’t worry about the frog,’ I said. ‘We’re running out of time.’
I started pulling him. His hand was hot and sweaty and kept slipping out of my grasp. I promised myself that I’d let him play with the phone. I’d give him the best things to play with. I’d give him everything, even if I had nothing. He could even play with the phone first.
I took him to the top, stood him at the edge and pointed far away into the misty distance.
‘Look,’ I said.
‘Where’s the phone? There’s nothing there,’ said Iron Egg.
‘If you fly over there, you’ll find it,’ I said. I didn’t explain how we had to drop into the river and then go up again. He wouldn’t get it.
‘I can’t fly, I’m scared,’ he said.
‘What are you scared of? Going to heaven?’
He looked at me and said it again: ‘I can’t fly…’
But Batman could fly. I’d seen him on TV at a funeral in the city.
‘Do it like Batman,’ I said.
He shook his head. He’d never seen Batman.
‘You open your wings, and you fly,’ I said.
It didn’t look like he believed me. I was starting to worry. It was getting late. Blockhead was heading back to the cliff with the puppy and when he didn’t find us there he’d start looking. And there was the priest. He might have set out for heaven already. And when my dad discovered I was gone, he would come looking too. Our village was so tiny you could piss from one end of it to the other. It wouldn’t take anyone long to find us on North Hill. Then it would all be over. The sun was setting, blood red now. We were standing on a rock hanging right over the edge of the drop. It was getting dark. Iron Egg was really annoying, he was such a loser. People like him, people who hadn’t seen the world just didn’t get it. You put something right in front of them and they just let it go.
‘Come on, let’s fly together,’ I said. But then I stopped. What if I took off and he decided not to? Better if I let him go first.
‘Fly!’ I said. ‘Stand on tip-toe, like this. Shut your eyes.’
I shut mine.
‘Jump!’ I shouted.
I opened my eyes but he was still standing there, swaying on the edge. I gave him a push. He went down.
Way below, a bird soared into the air with a squawk.
I leaned over but I couldn’t see him. He must have plunged into the depths of the river down below. Or maybe that bird was him, and he’d gone straight to heaven without needing to dive into the water. The priest had tricked me. Going straight to heaven was a much better idea than going there through the river. Just then I heard my mum calling me. Smoke curled from the chimneys of the village down below in the evening sunshine. She was calling me in for dinner. I could smell it. I was so hungry. Maybe I didn’t have to go to heaven on my own. I could go with my mum. She wouldn’t snatch the phone off me, she was always giving me things, even if she didn’t have anything much herself. I’d be good to her and take her with me. I’d go down the mountain to get her even though I might bump into my dad or anyone, even if they all wanted to come too. I definitely had to get my mum. I ran home as quickly as I could.