It is well-known that in love resistance, instead of allaying, inflames the passions to a greater degree. This was the case with our successful pleader, for his presumption, had no sooner thrown his fellow-traveller wholly in his power than a large stone in the road upset his most devout intentions, and had he been on horseback, it might have been said that he was fairly tossed out of the saddle.
This sad discomfiture — attended with other little incidents, which we must omit describing, induced the barrister to make a speech on the inconveniences of stage coaches, in the conclusion of which he moved that the trial should be put off till their arrival in London.
(Continued on page 112)
THE DREAM
She lay all naked in her bed,
And I myself lay by;
No veil, but curtains there were spread,
No covering but I.
Her head upon her shoulder seeks
To lean in careless wise;
All full of blushes were her cheeks,
And wishes in her eyes.
The blood still flushing in her face,
As on a message came;
To show that in another place,
It meant another game.
Her cherry lips, soft, sweet, and fair,
Millions of kisses crown;
Which, ripe and uncrop't, dangled there,
And weigh'd the branches down.
Her breast that lay full swell'd and high,
Bred pleasant pain in me;
For all the world I did defy,
For that felicity.
Her thighs and belly white and neat,
To me were only shown;
To have seen such meat, and not to have eat,
Would've anger'd any stone.
Her thighs lay up, but gently bent.
And all was hollow under,
As if, on easy terms, they meant
To fall unforc'd asunder.
Just so the Cyprian queen did lie,
Expecting in her bow'r,
When too long time the boy did stay
Beyond his promis'd hour.
Dull clown, said she, dost thou delay
This proffer'd bliss to take;
Can'st thou not find some other way,
Similitude to make?
Mad with delight, I thundered in,
And threw my arms about her;
But pox take it, it prov'd a dream,
I wak'd and — without her.
ECCENTRICITIES
A countryman and his wife travelling met some gypsies on the road. The peasant, thinking to put a joke on those straggling persons, said to one of them, "You black devil, can you tell me my fortune?" "Yes, that I can," answered she. "Give me your hand." He did so. Having examined it a few minutes,
"It is not long ago," she said, "that your wife made you a cuckold." The wife hearing her say so said, "The devil take these gypsies, they know everything!"
In Scotland the women call the pillows of their beds "cods."
An Englishman on his travels there one night on going to bed the maid of the house came in to take away the candle, asked him, "how his 'cods' lay, whether they were easy?" He on hearing these words, thinking the girl to be a whore, called her all the bad names he could think of; and would not for a long time be persuaded to patience, or think her any other than a strumpet.
A certain friar, being taken in the fact of great familiarity with a man's wife, was much blamed for the same, and showed the danger of breaking the seventh commandment, to which the cunning friar answered, "It is not said that T shall not commit adultery, but that 'thou' shall not commit adultery."
A Papist and a Quaker travelling through a plain where a cross was erected, the Papist very devoutly bowed to it, which so inflamed the zeal of the honest Quaker, that he told the Papist with much indignation, "He might as well bow to the gallows, because they were both made of wood." To which the Papist replied, "Why, then, in way of salute, may not you as well kiss your wife's arse as well as her mouth, seeing that they are both made of the same material."
Two actors on the stage having in their comedy appointed a place of meeting, one asked the other "Where it should be?" The other being a little absent, and having forgot his part, looked round to the upper gallery, and seeing a young fellow groping a girl under the apron he said to his companion, pointing to the place, "Let it be at the 'Hand and Placket.'" The young man finding himself discovered, suddenly drew back his hand, to whom the player said,
"Nay, pray sir, do not take away your hand; for if you pull away the sign, you disappoint us of our meeting place,"
A lively female of about sixteen years of age being asked, whether her maidenhead was "within" her or "without" her, answered, "within her." "Then," said he, "you are 'without' your maidenhead."
A maidenhead, a thing I know not what,
Some say 'tis this, and others say 'tis that; 'Tis a noun, adjective! I'll make it good; 'Tis neither seen, felt, heard, nor understood.
Lady Bridget L- said the most difficult appointment at court was that of a "maid" of honour.
Mrs. Drummond, the famous preacher among the Quakers, being asked by a gentleman if the "spirit" had ever inspired her with the thoughts of marriage, "No, friend," says she, "but the 'flesh' often has."
CHOICE LETTERS FROM THE GREEK OF ARISTENETUS
Distracted between joy and grief I write the following lines to you: I was yesterday at my old recreation of fishing by the seaside, and as I was drawing a thundering fish out of the water, so very large that it made my rod crack again, behold, there comes up to me a pretty damsel, with a lovely mixture of roses and lilies in her cheeks, tall and straight as a cedar that likes the ground it grows in.
Thought I to myself, I am a lucky dog today; fortune favours me in both elements, and now I am like to get a better prize on land than I drew just now out of the water.
"Honest friend," cries she, "I conjure you by Neptune to look after my clothes a little, while I wash myself in the sea."
This request, you may imagine, was not unwelcome to me, because it would give me an opportunity to see something.
She had no sooner thrown off her rigging, but, good heavens! there was a sight enough to have spoiled the most virtuous resolutions of the severest philosopher; from between her hair, which was of a lovely black, and flowed down her shoulders in great quantity, I discovered a pair of rosy cheeks, and an ivory neck, that wholly possessed me with admiration and surprise; both these colours were in the highest perfection, but they derived no little agreement from the neighbourhood of the black.
To return to our nymph: She had no sooner undressed but she plunged foremost into the waves. The sea was as smooth as a bowling green, and when she appeared above the water, had I not seen her before, I durst have sworn she had been one of the Nereids of whom the poets tell us so many stories.
When she had washed as long as she thought fit, out she came, and from such a sight as this our painters, I suppose, were instructed how to draw Venus rising out of the sea. I immediately ran to my lovely damsel to deliver her her clothes, and when she was so near me could not forbear to touch her bubbles, amp;c. But to see what ill fate attends me. The young gypsy blushed and frowned at me; but even her very anger became her; it gave a fresh lustre to her beauty, and her eyes darted lightning at me. Then in her indignation she broke my rod, flung my fish into the sea, and ran away from me as fast as her legs could carry her. Imagine in what a confusion she left me. I lamented the loss of what I had taken with so much pain, but the loss of her, whom I had as it were in my hands, afflicted me infinitely more. This disappointment in short so mortifies me that I dare no longer trust myself with the cruel idea of it.