The words had scarcely escaped her when I heard footsteps outside the door, and someone trying to open it. I rushed to it for the purpose of preventing their entrance, whoever it might be; but before I could do so it was opened, and a female attempted to come into the apartment. It was not Maria's aunt, but the lodger in the storey above. So plucking. up courage I forced her from the door; Maria crouching behind it so as not to be seen. At the same time I said — "You cannot come in, madame, a gentleman — a friend of mine — is here dressing."
"It's no gentleman you've in the room," she said, sharply,
"but a woman, and I know who it is."
The conversation had been in French, but I answered instantly in good English, "I'm damned if you do"; and before she could prevent me 1, laughing, seized her round the waist, carried her upstairs, and deposited her upon her own bed.v I was leaving the room when she called out- "If you go away in that manner I'll tell Maria's aunt all about the garters."
Here was a pretty go! What was I to do? For a few more sentences convinced me that Madame Dufour had been an eavesdropper, and knew all about the garters. As I looked at her the idea struck me that she would not have been very unwilling to receive such a present. She was a pretty black-eyed little French woman, apparently about thirty years of age, with a countenance that betokened her anything but one who tells tales out of school, or spoilt a bit of love.
"So you'll tell Maria's aunt?" I said, advancing towards her, and laughing.
"Yes," she replied, with a roguish leer, "unless you give me something that will keep me quiet."
"A pair of garters, for instance," I continued.
"A fig for your garters! Give them to your silly girls. A woman like me wants something better than garters," she answered.
"Perhaps," I replied, "I cannot satisfy you; for you must know I am only eighteen, and while I have been here I have been rather extravagant."
"I will not put you to much expense," she answered. "I should like something of genuine English manufacture. Something that I should be certain came from that country; and as you are an Englishman you might oblige me."
I told her I felt flattered by her respect for my country.
"I have taken a great interest in you," she continued; "and if you will stay here a short time I will give you some instructions that will be useful to you as long as you live. If you pursue the path I put you in, you can never miss the road to true happiness."
I found the widow as good as her word; and I believe, sincerely, that all she preached she practised, for a better instructress no man could wish for. She did not tell about the garters; but before I left Paris I was so pleased with Madame's tuition I thought it my duty to impart a portion of the information I had received to my landlady's niece, who, I trust, profited by-it.
v
THE DUKE OF QUEENSBURY, THE MERRY MILLINER, AND THE FRENCH LETTER
The Duke of Queensbury, celebrated in the latter part of his life by the cognomen of "Old Q.," and famed for his amatory propensities, when a very young man was in the habit of parading the streets of London, very plainly attired, in search of soft adventures.
One day, in passing through Cranbourn Alley, he was struck all of a heap by the budding beauty and modest demeanour of a young girl, apparently about sixteen, who sat over her work in a milliner's shop. After walking to and fro for near two hours, to his great joy, he saw her put on her bonnet with the intention of going out. His lordship followed, and at length succeeded in forcing her into a conversation; and if he was at first charmed with her beauty, he was now no less delighted with her witty though modest and reserved replies.
On arriving at her place of destination, he with much difficulty prevailed on her to grant him a meeting on the succeeding evening, at the same time declaring that he had long been enamoured of her, but had never till this moment had an opportunity of declaring his passion; he assured her that his family were of the first respectability, and that his designs were perfectly honourable.
The next meeting paved the way for another, and that for another, until at last she blushingly acknowledged that his attentions were not disagreeable; and finally, that his love was met with equal warmth; thus having gained her heart by cautious degrees, he began to solicit other favours, stating as a reason for not immediately making her his wife that he was entirely dependent on an old uncle, with whom he then resided, and would entirely withdraw his protection and support should he marry without his consent, which it would be useless to attempt, as money was his only deity, but being near ninety years of age, the period of his death should be the commencement of their happy union. But all his Grace's arguments were vain; the fair milliner's virtue was impregnable.
One evening, after much persuasion he prevailed on her to accompany him to the theatre, which being over, he urged her to take some refreshment at a neighbouring tavern; with much difficulty he conquered her repugnance, and she consented to take a glass of wine. Triumphing inwardly at his success, he immediately conducted her to a house of a peculiar nature, kept by a creature of his own, and by whom his Grace's views were perfectly understood; and being alone, and assisted by the soul-inspiring wine, of which he had prevailed on her to take a few glasses, he fell upon his knees, and begged her then and there to make him happy. But vain were his vows, sighs, tears, and protestations, the lady was inflexible.
"Light of my soul!" said he. "Why thus obstinate? You own that you love me, and you likewise know the barrier that keeps me from the heaven of your arms, which once removed, the church shall give its sanction to our loves. But shall I guess the reason of your obstinate resistance — that blush informs me that I am right — you dread the probable result — you fear a living witness may be the consequence to publish our raptures for the world."
He pressed her to his heart and whispered — "Speak, love; confess; have I rightly read your thoughts?"
At length, warmed with kisses, and overcome by his entreaties, she acknowledged that could she be convinced no danger would ensue, she might, in order to ensure his happiness, consent.
The delighted Duke immediately taking out his pocket book exclaimed — "Convinced you shall be and that without the shadow of a doubt."
Thus saying, he produced from his pocket book one of those very useful and ingenious inventions, well-known by the name of "French Letters," or as they are called by the vulgar in England, c — s, generally used by married gentlemen to escape infection when they go astray. He explained to her its use, and all objections over-ruled, his Grace was happy! The blissful struggle over, he arose from the sofa, the scene of his felicity, and to the great surprise of his fair partner, burst into an immoderate fit of laughter.
On demanding the cause of such untimely mirth, so immediately after the sacrifice she had just made, he exclaimed-"I cannot help it. See how the most cautious may be deceived."
He opened his hand, and she beheld crumpled within it the safe-guard, which she imagined to be in a very different part.
"I slipped it off, my love, ere I commenced; but do not grieve," seeing her eyes bedewed with tears, "you shall never regret your condescension."
"Alas! Your Grace; 'tis more for you than for myself I grieve."
"Indeed, Grace; what, am I then known to you?" cried the astonished Duke.
"You are, indeed. I would have made you happy long before, but that I feared my secret would be known."
"How mean you? To what secret do you allude?"
"Why, Sir, if you really did remove the safe-guard, on which alone I placed my whole dependence, your Grace will have the most inveterate p — x that ever tormented a venturous lover."
The tables were completely turned, and venting a curse upon his late loved fair one, his Grace, completely chopfallen, left the house.