Avaro liv'd a private life,
And starv'd in bondage with his wife.
Did she too starve? To him, at least,
So matters seem'd; but she knew best:
For she was plump, historians say,
And look'd as blithesome as the day;
But that, Avaro understood,
Was from her temper, not her food.
One son they had, but never more,
Children, thought he, make people poor:
And virtue dwells in self-denial,
So I'll abstain from farther trial.
Whether the lady thought the same,
Or not, is nothing to my theme.
The marriage articles which said
Madam should always have her maid,
Were kept from Susan down to Nan,
Till Dick begun to grow a man.
Dick was the son we just now mention'd;
Who, grown a man, inform'd the wench on't;
The wench grew fond, as Dick grew bolder, And was convinc'd of what he told her.
A lucky girl may grant a favour,
Yet keep her character for ever;
But luck was little of Nan's side;
Her failing grew too big to hide.
She wept, she sobb'd was almost wild:
What shall we do about the child?
Poor youth! thy ruin it will be:
And I! what must become of me?
Caught in this sad dilemma, Dick (Whose faculties were sharp and quick)
Concluded thus to save their bacon,
In father's net it must be taken:
Nan, you can swear a lie for once;
You know, the 'Squire is but a dunce:
At worst, his Worship may be wrought on;
Leave that to me (quoth Nan), well thought on.
Dick whispers it about the parish;
God knows the cause, but Nan looks queerish;
I vow my father don't grow young;
This was enough, the story rung;
A country servant big with beam,
Is thought a popular concern:
So Nan was quickly apprehended,
Son, father, mother, all attended.
Before the Justice now we find her,
Dick prompting all the while behind her;
His Worship (influenced before)
Cries, hussy who made you a whore?
My master, says the quean, and took
The usual oath upon the book. hat swore the slut? Avaro cries
(And lifted up his hands and eyes),
My wife can prove my long unfitness! — Villain (quoth she), call me to witness!
Yes, lecher, I can answer this;
I've now and then a slabbering kiss;
That's all, these twenty years and more;
The rest, it seems, was for your whore.
Condemn'd on evidence so plain,
Avaro urg'd his age in vain:
A child not his, a jealous wife,
Were now the comforts of his life:
And may such comforts ever be
The fruit of such frugality!
ADVENTURES AND AMOURS OF A BARMAID A SERIES OF FACTS
(Continued from page 206)
About ten o'clock Lord Rodney was announced, and shown into the drawing room, where Polly, Bessie, and their landlady awaited his arrival.
"Strangers first," said his lordship, kissing Polly in the most amorous fashion, tipping the velvet tip of his lascivious tongue into her mouth as he did so.
"Look at the man, what a whoremonger he is, I can't have a modest girl in my house but he takes the most impudent liberties with her," exclaimed Mrs. Swipes. "How dare you, sir, thrust your wicked tongue into Miss Polly's mouth like that?"
"Mind your own business, you old b-h," retorted his lordship, a fine handsome young fellow of about eight and twenty, "or I won't lend Bessie my dildoe to f-k you with presently."
Supper was pleasant but soon over, and his lordship, who had sat beside Polly all the while, making her caress his p — k under the table, arose from his seat with a yawn.
"Who'll take the horn out of me?" he exclaimed, "or will you give way to Miss Polly," he asked Bessie.
"With the greatest of pleasure," she answered, "only I mean to touch you up with the rod, so as to make you gallop, and not tease her with one of your lazy f-ks."
All three helped to disrobe Polly, who was soon as naked as Eve when first presented to Adam, and they opened the folding doors into a bedroom, where she was laid down on the outside of the quilt, blushing and quivering with excitement as Lord Rodney, equally reduced to a state of nudity, got between her legs, and lay over her with his stiff machine throbbing against her belly.
"Look at his laziness," said Bessie, "he isn't even going to get into her when he knows she is dying for a good rogering — only wait a moment till I get my things off."
This was quickly done, and taking up a good thick bunch of birch, she let him have it hard on his brawny rump. It took a good many cuts ere he would begin to do his duty, but the effects were plainly visible on his pego, which stiffened and swelled immensely, till Polly, impatient for him to begin, took hold of it herself, and directing the fiery head to her burning slit, it very soon began to slip in, she was so well oiled by the anticipatory spendings she had not been able to restrain.
Miss Jones handled her bum-tickler with vigour, scientifically applying the twigs so that they not only cut well into his lordship's buttocks, but every now and then the tips of the twigs caught him well in between the tender inner surface of his thighs, touching up the rough hairy back part of his balls, and even inflicting little stinging touches on the lips of Polly's fanny, making her and his lordship writhe about and f-k away with a perfect abandon of amorousness, till the sheets were saturated under her bottom by the profusion of mingled spunk which oozed from her c — t at every thrust of his pego.
Now Bessie dropped the birch and, taking a huge dildoe from a drawer in the dressing table, fitted it onto herself, and proceeded to f-k Mrs. Swipes, who threw up her clothes and took in the big india-rubber instrument with the greatest of pleasure, as she reclined backwards on a sofa.
"Look, Rodney," exclaimed Bessie, "you can f-k me dog fashion, as I give the old bawd the pleasure she is so fond of!"
Thus challenged his lordship withdrew his still rampant and reeking p — k from Polly's quim, and told her to pay his backside for the insult; then, getting behind Bessie, he clasped his arms round her loins, till he could frig her in front by getting his fingers under the straps of the dildoe, his well oiled p — k slipping into her longing c-t from behind.
As for Polly this conjunction, and her still unsatisfied desires, made her so randy, that like a cow which wants the bull she clasped his arse in the same way he had Bessie, rubbing her spending c — t on his backside, and frigging his prick in front with her hands as it poked in and out of Bessie.
After this bout his lordship was fain to confess himself quite used up, but fortunately for our heroine, whom the scene had left in a state of raging unsatisfied desire, a late visitor to the house introduced as a friend, a real prince from the west coast of Africa, and they persuaded her to have him for a bed-fellow for the night. He was a real prince, and champion of love between the sheets, his tremendous pego was so untiring in its exertions that next morning at breakfast where they all met again, the landlady asked Polly, who looked a little blase, "if she still felt to want any more f-king."
"Good God, no!" ejaculated poor Polly, "his monster of? p-k hasn't left a drop of spend in me, and he was coming again and again all night, and even just now would have another put in to give an appetite for breakfast; besides, what do you think? his p — k is the blackest part about him, and it did make me love him so. White men are not in it with such a prince of f-kers as he is."
Mrs. Swipes expressing her desire to just for once feel such a champion in her, King Cuntaboo was only too glad to oblige her, and Bessie afterwards, when he saw how her eyes glistened at the sight of his coal-black battering ram.