Iris leaned her elbows on the table, let her head fall into her hands, too weary to fight anymore.
Jim looked over at her feet. She was still in her rain-boots. She never wore outdoor shoes in the house. Nothing was as it should be. Everything had changed.
“Jim,” she said, gently. “Your father told me before we got engaged all about his hatred for Wilfred Fisher. He told me all the bad things he did. He told me he had been consumed with hatred and it was a terrible thing. He wanted me to know that about him. And he wanted me to know that he was ashamed of it. Said he wanted to dedicate his life to loving what there was to love and turning the other cheek to what he could not love. Those were his words. We even said them in our wedding vows.”
Jim rubbed his eyes with his fingers. “I’m sorry,” he muttered.
“I accept your apology. That girl has made you crazy.”
A scratching noise at the outside door stopped them both. Jim was on his feet in an instant. The noise came again. Jim opened the door and Snoot dashed inside, sopping wet. She stopped and arched her back, then lifted a paw sticky with coagulated paint. Jim picked her up. Held onto her squirming wetness. Took a step, felt the soles of his shoes stick to the floor.
Iris stood up with a sigh. “Sleep,” she said. “Nothing more should be said and nothing can be done until we’ve both had a sleep.”
Jim swallowed hard, buried his head in the purring cat. It wasn’t true, of course — that nothing could be done before sleep. Before his mother went to sleep she had the livestock to feed. He wanted to help, but didn’t have the strength. He kicked off his shoes by the parlour door, submitted to a bone-crunching hug from his mother, then headed towards his room.
Thoroughly defeated, he noticed, passing through the parlour, that his binder was gone. The transcript from the Expositor, the photo — everything. And who had taken that?
20
The school bus came and went, its yellow sides and empty windows splattered with muck. Jim heard it pass from somewhere just under the surface of a sleep filled with running and Poochie barking and Fisher shouting and Ruth Rose’s eyes filled with hatred.
It was noon when he woke up, his head woozy, his body aching all over. He lay in bed startled by the grey daylight like water wrung from a sponge mop. He wondered where he was. Snoot, beside him, rolled over to have her tummy rubbed. Jim complied.
Before his waking eyes he saw again the look of loathing Ruth Rose had hurled at him when she left.
Betrayal. That’s what he had seen, though he had been too enraged to recognize it.
Betrayal? Surely she was the one who had betrayed him. Vandalized his home.
Or had she?
She had the motive. She had the time. But if she had done it, she had not given anything away at Billy Bones’ or on the walk home. Was that part of her illness? Could she do something like that and completely forget it had ever happened? Jim had heard of such things, but he couldn’t believe it.
So what if she really hadn’t done it? But then why didn’t she defend herself when he accused her? She had even flung it in his face. Hey, Jim, you gotta admit. This is a great idea. What else had she said? It’s just perfect. What did that mean?
His mind was working overtime as he pulled on his tatty robe and slippers. He peeked into the spare room. Ruth Rose’s bedclothes were all over the place. He picked up her pillow and held it close to his face, sniffing. The pillow was cold, with no lingering smell of roses. No wonder, the window had been wide open all night. The wind had blown her away. He closed it.
In the kitchen, his mother sat at the table, fixing the phone cable. Hub’s red toolbox lay open beside a plate of scarcely touched toast. She looked up, but there was only warmed-over comfort in her dark eyes. He wondered if she had slept at all. She looked back down at her work.
“When I’ve got this done, I’m calling the police, unless you’ve got a better idea,” she said.
“Maybe you could call Hec instead,” he said. She looked at him curiously, as if there were more secrets. “It’s just a suggestion.”
On the counter he found a paper bag from the bakery with three Danish pastries inside. The paper bag was smeared with red paint. There was red paint everywhere.
She reconnected the phone, then called the factory to let them know she wouldn’t be coming in that night.
“I’m going into town,” she said. “I don’t care if I have to spend our last cent, I’m not going to live in this house with this…” She couldn’t go on, didn’t need to. The kitchen spoke for itself, no less dreadful by noon-light.
Jim tried to keep his voice calm, sensible sounding. “Mom,” he said, “this is going to sound weird, but I’m not so sure Ruth Rose did this.”
His mother’s face screwed up in an expression of disgust.
“Are you out of your mind?”
Jim took a deep breath. “Maybe,” he said.
His mother slammed the tools back into the tool box. “So you are suggesting he did this?”
“Maybe.”
His mother stared at him. “What kind of a…a lunatic would accuse himself of murder in the house of the victim?”
As impossible as it seemed, Jim thought he knew exactly what kind of a lunatic.
“Don’t you see,” he said, urgently now. “He’s talked to you about her. He knows that you know that she thinks he murdered Dad. So this graffiti doesn’t tell you anything new.” Jim gave up. It sounded ridiculous.
“Jim,” said his mother. “Think of what you are saying.”
“I am.”
“No, you’re not. She’s completely bamboozled you. She’s…she’s kidnapped your mental faculties.”
“No, she hasn’t.”
“Stop!” said Iris, holding up her hand. Her face was flushed. She stood up, slammed shut the steel top of the tool kit. She glared at him. Then she reached for the phone again and punched a number.
“Hec, please,” she said, glancing Jim’s way.
Hec was out on a call. “It’s urgent, Dorothy,” said Iris. “Please tell him to call as soon as he gets back.” Jim watched as his mother hung up and started to punch in another set of numbers, then hesitated and hung up.
So. No police. Not yet. And he knew why. They’d had enough police a year ago to last them a lifetime.
Jim made to speak, but she held up her hand.
“Save it!” she said.
He took a seat across the table from her. He tried to compose himself for whatever was coming next. He watched her wipe her eyes with her hand, pinch the bridge of her nose. When she opened her eyes they were bloodshot but looked upon him gently nonetheless.
“Jim,” she said. “Remember at church when you came back after so long? Remember how people looked at you?” He remembered, all right. “Some of that, Jim, was sympathy for losing your father. But some of it was something else.”
Jim cast her a curious look.
“We…a lot of people…were worried about you,” she said. “You were not well for quite awhile there. You remember. We weren’t sure…what you might do.”
Jim bowed his head. “That’s all passed,” he said. “I told you.”
“I know, Jim. Or at least, I thought I did…”
Jim looked at her with dawning awareness. “You think I’m nuts,” he said.
His mother shook her head. “I don’t know what to think.”
“Yes, you do,” he said. “You think I’ve lost it. Like I’m having delusions. Hey, maybe I did this,” he shouted, holding out his hands to take in the defiled kitchen.
Iris looked distressed. “Talking like that is only making things worse.”