But why was she writing to him anyway? Just to say she was in Cairo? Keeping him posted of her movement, as it were?
He kept coming back to his original answer: she wanted someone to know. And was afraid.
He made up his mind, took his fez, and got up.
As he approached the hotel, he saw, striding along the street ahead of him, the tall form of the Pasha Ali Maher. He dropped back. He didn’t want to arrive there at the same time as the Pasha. In fact, he was having doubts now about going to the hotel at all. He held back uncertainly.
Suddenly he saw the Pasha’s lady come out of the hotel, clutching Karim firmly by the arm. Karim, overawed by the number of people, the bustle and the traffic, kept tight to her.
She saw the Pasha and stopped.
Ali Maher went up to her. ‘What are you doing?’ Mahmoud could hear him from way down the street. ‘Why have you brought that boy?’
‘Why shouldn’t I bring the boy? He is my son.’
‘But here? Here! I told you never to bring him to Cairo again!’
‘I didn’t want to leave him.’
‘It doesn’t matter what you want. Those were my orders. That was the agreement,’ he added more weakly.
‘You broke the arrangement yourself. You told me to stay down there. And then, suddenly, you tell me to come up!’
‘You, yes; but not the boy.’
‘I was afraid to leave him.’
‘Afraid?’
‘Of you. And what you might have done to him if I had left him on his own.’
‘Afraid of what I might do to him? He is my son!’
‘I am glad you remember that!’
‘Of course I remember that!’
‘Only sometimes, I think you forget it.’
‘I never forget it. It hangs on me like a great weight, all the time.’
‘A weight you might want to get rid of.’
‘Get rid of? Get rid of?’ he shouted. ‘He is my son! What are you saying? What are you saying, you terrible woman? What sort of a man do you think I am?’
‘I think you are a man who has abandoned his son. You have no natural feeling. You lost that a long time ago. If you ever had any.’
‘I did only what was best for him. You know that. If he had stayed in the city he would have been unhappy. You have seen him. He was not made for here. In the country he could be at ease with himself. There was nothing to bother him; there were no people who might trouble him. It was simpler for him. He could cope there. The city was too much for him.’
‘You make him sound like a natural.’
‘He is a natural! Treat him like one.’
‘He is your son; treat him like one.’
‘Why have you brought him here? Here, of all places?’
‘I did not want him to be harmed.’
‘Harmed?’ He laughed bitterly. ‘It is in the world that he is harmed. Out of it, when you were supposed to be keeping him safe, he would not be.’
She didn’t say anything for a moment. Then she said: ‘He is better. He is not what he was.’
‘You deceive yourself,’ he said.
‘He is growing up.’
‘But not as others do.’
‘As others do!’ she insisted. ‘You have not seen him lately. You do not know …’
‘I see him now.’
‘He is bigger. And not unlike what you yourself were.’
‘On the outside only.’
‘There is growth inside, too,’ she said softly. ‘Where only a mother sees it.’
He shook his head.
‘Take him home,’ he said, not unkindly. ‘He is better there.’
‘When he stands beside you,’ she said, ‘many would not know the difference.’
‘Would that were so!’
‘It is so!’ she insisted.
‘You do not understand,’ he said. ‘There are people now who look to me. And if they come to him, not knowing, and find … that he is what he is, what will they think? Of me and all our plans?’
‘You used to share those plans with me.’
‘I would now. But it cannot be. Your duty is to him.’
‘Is not your duty to him also?’
‘Yes. But I cannot discharge it. I have other duties too.’
‘Are they not less important?’
‘No. They are wider than just you and me. As you know.’
‘And so I have to bear those alone? By myself?’
‘Yes.’
‘It is hard.’
‘I would not have it thus.’
‘You used to speak to me gently.’
‘And would again. God knows I do not like it thus. I had great hopes. For him as well as of him. But … they cannot be fulfilled. We have to accept that. But other hopes remain, and these may yet be realized. But they cannot be realized if he is here with me, where all can see him, and talk behind their hands. There is too much at stake. He must stay where he cannot be seen. And where he is happy.’
She looked down. ‘He is less happy than he was.’
‘Is there something wrong?’ he said sharply.
‘No, there is something right. He is growing up.’
He made a gesture of impatience.
‘No,’ she said. ‘Hear me. He has needs. They are the needs of normal people, of every man …’
He was silent for a moment. Then he said: ‘Cannot they be met? Cannot you find him someone? Some ordinary girl who would be glad of the money? Even if she would not do it at her father’s command?’
‘I have tried that.’
‘There are always girls …’
‘There was one he liked. He liked especially. I thought I could manage it. I brought them together. And he was happy, and I thought she was content. But she was not. She wanted more.’
‘More?’
‘Marriage.’
‘Ridiculous!’
‘That’s what I said. And sent her away. But he pined. And in the end I had to bring her back. I still thought I could make it work, but … She was obstinate.’
‘She refused?’
‘Yes.’
‘But did you not …? She was deaf to your commands?’
‘Yes. But it cannot be quite like that these days …’
‘Can it not? We shall see. Let me speak to her.’
‘You will have her whipped.’
‘She deserves it!’
‘But still she may not be willing. And if you have her whipped, how will Karim take it?’
‘Does it matter how he takes it? As long as he has her in the end.’
‘It does matter,’ she said. ‘Although I do not quite know why it should. Things are different now. Or they are beginning to be different. Even in the village.’
‘Money is still money. Even in the village. Why have you not spoken to her father? Let him do the whipping.’
‘The father is weak. He will take the money, yes, and do the whipping. But still she will not obey.’
‘Not obey! Then whip her some more!’
‘It is not like that these days. And what will Karim say?’
‘That is what you said before!’
‘And I say it again: Karim has grown up. And, yes, it matters now.’
The Pasha was silent for a moment. Then he said: ‘You have really messed this up!’
He stood there for some time, thinking. Then he seemed to make his mind up.
‘We shall have to attend to this. But not now. I have other things to attend to. I wished to see you about something else.’
‘Not Karim?’
‘Not Karim. We had better go indoors.’
He led the way towards the hotel. The Pasha’s lady followed obediently, together with Karim.
The Pasha halted at the door. ‘Not Karim,’ he said.
‘What shall I do with him? I cannot leave him.’
‘Let him stay here.’
‘In the street? He will wander away.’
‘God sustain us!’ said the Pasha in exasperation.
‘I will have to stay here with him.’ The Pasha’s lady shrugged. She was about to say something to Karim when she stopped. ‘What am I to do with him?’ she asked. ‘I cannot let him wander about on his own. Not here, in Cairo, with the traffic.’
‘You shouldn’t have brought him,’ said the Pasha.
‘I thought you might want to see him.’