I looked at the dusty and deceptively innocent-looking bottles crowded together at the back of the bar. “I thought you had some pretty dangerous stuff back there.”
Alex smiled. “Oh, I do, I do. It’s all carefully marked OFF LIMITS, along with a sign saying TRESPASSERS WILL BE TRANSMOGRIFIED. If anyone’s dumb enough to ignore the warning signs, they deserve everything that happens to them. I was sort of hoping Cathy would be free to help out, but it seems she’s organising Suzie’s hen do. Probably involving obscenely named cocktails and unsafe humping and grinding with improperly dressed Chippendales. The poor bastards. And no, before you ask, I don’t know where it’s being held, and we’re almost certainly better off not knowing. We can listen for the sound of excessive gunfire and explosions.”
He moved away, to put out small bowls of bar snacks that no-one in their right mind would touch, and I went back to looking over the crowded room. Dead Boy and Razor Eddie had turned up. Dead Boy was loudly talking up the murder case at the Ball of Forever and greatly exaggerating his own part in it. He already had his arms around two female ghouls dressed in rotting Playboy Bunny outfits. Razor Eddie stood a little to one side, sipping his designer water and nodding in agreement, now and again. The girl ghouls eyed him uncertainly, and manoeuvred Dead Boy to make sure they maintained a respectful distance. Because there are some smells even ghouls have trouble with.
Dead Boy swaggered over to the bar to order two Really Bloody Marys for his new ghoul-friends, and nodded easily to me. He reached inside his long greatcoat to scratch fitfully at his autopsy scar, his usual sign that he had something embarrassing he needed to discuss.
“There are rumours going around,” he said carefully. “Foul and vicious exaggerations, no doubt, that there’s a fight brewing between you and Razor Eddie. He won’t talk to me about it, but then he rarely talks to me about anything. Never was much of a one for the talking, our Razor Eddie. Tell me it’s not true, John. Tell me you have enough sense not to pick a fight with the legendarily dangerous Punk God of the Straight Razor.”
“It’s some prophecy,” I said. “A glimpse of a future that might or might not happen. Certainly I’ve no intention of letting things get that far.”
“You do know,” said Dead Boy, not quite looking in my direction, “if it does all kick off, you can always rely on me.”
I looked at him thoughtfully. “You’d take on the dreaded and justly feared Razor Eddie, for me?”
“Well,” he said. “Not necessarily for you, John, or at least, not just for you. But, come on; you must have wondered at some time or another whether you could take Razor Eddie. I know I have.”
“Testosterone is a terrible thing,” observed Alex.
Razor Eddie turned his head suddenly to look at us as he settled into his private booth at the back of the bar, with his usual calm and unconcerned face—as though he knew we were talking about him. Even though there was no way he could have heard us through the general bedlam of raised voices. Except . . . he was Razor Eddie. We all nodded to each other, as though our gazes had happened to meet, in a friendly enough way; and then he went back to staring at nothing, and Dead Boy and I looked at each other.
“He really is a spooky bugger,” said Dead Boy, nodding to Alex as he collected his two Really Bloody Marys with real blood, and a Valhalla Venom for himself. He gave me a sideways look. “I’ve never known what you see in him.”
“Lot of people say the same to me about you,” I said.
“Really?” said Dead Boy. “Can’t think why. Life and soul of the party, that’s me, even though I’m dead. You’ll have to excuse me now; my new ghoul-friends are waiting, and I don’t know how long they’ll last.”
He took his drinks away, and, after a moment’s thought, I made my way through the tightly packed crowd to join Razor Eddie in his private booth. I sat down opposite him, and he nodded to me gravely. There was plenty of room at the table; no-one else was going to sit with him. And not only because of the smell. I leaned forward and made a point of meeting his cold, cold gaze.
“It seems a lot of people have heard about this prophecy of yours, Eddie,” I said. “ How accurate is it likely to be?”
“You said it yourself, John,” murmured Razor Eddie. “There are any number of possible futures. And people will always talk.”
“They’re not only talking; they’re laying bets!”
“Well, of course they are.” The ghost of a smile passed briefly across his pale lips. “Do you want to know the latest odds?”
I sat back in my chair and looked at him thoughtfully. “Would you really kill me, after everything we’ve been through together?”
“Oh, I think so,” said Razor Eddie. “Perhaps because of all the things we’ve been through together. I will say this—it would have to be for a very good reason.” He considered me for a long moment. “You always were too soft-hearted for your own good. They should have made me Walker. I would have brought real justice to the Nightside.”
“Well, yes, possibly,” I said. “But I have to wonder how many would still be left alive after you’d finished. Besides, you’ve seen where that kind of single-minded self-righteousness leads. You remember the Walking Man.”
“Yes,” said Razor Eddie. “I remember the Walking Man. The Wrath of God in the world of Men, he said. And you faced him down when I couldn’t. I haven’t forgotten that, John.”
“Do you want to end up like him?” I said steadily.
Razor Eddie actually took some time to think about that one. “I admired his arrogance,” he said finally. “His cold certainty. But he turned out to be soft, too, in the end. I suppose I am . . . fond of you, John, in my way. But it would be a relief to know you wouldn’t be around any more. To get in my way, to stop me doing things that need doing. So be careful, John. Never give me a reason to go up against you. You know it makes sense, Walker.”
“Well,” I said, getting to my feet, “I’m glad we had this little chat. We really should do this less.”
On my way back to the bar, I nodded to Springheel Jack and the Bride. Even being dead, again, wasn’t enough to keep the Bride from a party. Jack was sitting on the Bride’s lap as they fed each other pieces of bread soaked in gooey stringy cheese, using the fondue set that had arrived as an early wedding present. From someone who didn’t really know Suzie and me all that well. I’d donated it to the party, in the hope someone would break it or steal it. Back at the bar, Alex had a large wormwood brandy waiting for me.
“Who did give you that fondue set, anyway?”
“Julien Advent,” I said. “He never really got over the seventies. I suppose we should be grateful he didn’t give us a Soda Stream.”
Alex winced. “Can you still get those things?”
“This is the Nightside,” I said. “You can get all kinds of abominations in the Nightside.”
“I haven’t seen the Lord of Thorns yet,” said Alex. “Imagine my relief.”
“I did ask him,” I said. “Because you sort of have to when he’s performing your wedding; but luckily, he’s busy preparing for the ceremony at St. Jude’s. Just as well. He didn’t strike me as a party animal.”
“I’ll tell you who is here, large as life and twice as stuck-up,” said Alex, not even bothering to lower his voice. “Two-thirds of everyone’s favourite disturbing brothers: Tommy and Larry Oblivion. At least Hadleigh isn’t with them. I don’t know if this place could stand being pushed that far up-market.”
I looked where he indicated. I’d sent invitations to all the Oblivion Brothers but never actually expected them to turn up. Larry was sitting perfectly upright at his table, a tall pale sight with flat yellow hair, dressed in the very best Armani. Larry was dead and looked it, but he had made a concession to the party atmosphere by loosening the knot on his tie. He wasn’t drinking or eating anything, (because he was very firm about being dead, and having no illusions about the state), but he did seem to be picking up something of a contact high from his surroundings.