‘So what? You’re a night owl. You’ll be fine in the morning.’
‘And I told Kevin I’d give him a ring, and if he was up he might come over.’
‘So you have a date with Kevin tonight, that’s really the reason.’
‘It’s not a date, it’s a maybe kind of thing.’
‘I thought you were going to stay at my place tonight.’ Jo knew she sounded pathetic.
‘We didn’t organise anything, and I’m working tomorrow and we’ve been hanging out this afternoon and all night.’ Ash was forcing a smile. ‘And it’s been great, but… well, I’d like to see Kevin. You get it, don’t you?’
‘Yeah, sure. Great. Let’s go.’ Jo tried to keep the anger out of her voice.
‘Jo, are you okay?’ Ash asked.
‘I’m fine. Let’s go,’ she said.
‘I’ll go and find Laura and Mani. Meet you on the deck,’ Ash said.
While Ash went to look for their friends, Jo shook the sand out of her sandals and climbed up the steps to the deck. She leant against the banister. She would not cry, not here, not now. So what if she and Ash stopped being friends? So what if Ash preferred Kevin? What did it matter anyway? She had other friends, Laura and Mani — not best friends, but friends, and she was good at being alone. She could spend hours reading or watching films or lying in bed daydreaming; she didn’t need Ash. I don’t need you. Trouble was, she remembered not having friends, and the way other kids excluded her. All those lunchtimes sitting alone in the schoolyard, taking tiny, tiny bites of her peanut-butter sandwiches, of her apple — ‘eating at a snail’s pace’, Grandpa Tom called it when she ate like that at home. Purposely slow, making her lunch last the whole hour, so that when busybody Mr Marsh asked, ‘Why don’t you play with the other girls?’ she could shake her head: ‘I’m still eating my lunch.’ Hours watching other girls. Lucy Girello, with her high pigtail plaits, her skinny legs pumping as she won all the races. Lucy, who had once said to her, ‘You’re too fat to skip, you might burst a vein. My fat neighbour burst a vein. He blew up and up, his cheeks turned red and he died.’ Lucy had collapsed to the ground, shaking her legs in the air like a dying beetle. Embarrassed, Jo’s cheeks had burnt under the oppressive summer sun, the other girls sniggering, calling out, ‘Lucy, you’re awful,’ and ‘Look, she’s gone bright red.’ No one standing by her side. Alone. She didn’t want to go back to being alone, to being the one not sitting around in gossipy groups, not sharing secrets, not laughing. The last one picked for netball. For rounders. For volleyball. She remembered. How pathetic to be so grateful to the twins for letting her sit with them, for letting her walk home with them. Grateful and ashamed.
Most of the remaining guests were sitting at tables or had wandered out to the edges of the deck. Alone, she felt exposed. She wanted to leave. What if she left without them? They could make their own way home. Just as she was considering going, a waiter dipped in her direction and offered her more champagne. He was her age, a tall boy, tired-looking now, his white shirt stained around the cuffs. She grabbed a glass from the tray, drank it in a couple of gulps, and put it down on a nearby table.
‘Gee, you must’ve needed that,’ he said. Offering up the tray for another drink, she shook her head.
Finally the others appeared. ‘Great party!’ Mani said. ‘I could stay all night.’
‘We can stay longer,’ Jo said. ‘Ash’s in a rush. But if she wanted to stay, we’d be staying.’
‘What?’ Ash said. ‘What are you talking about, Jo?’
‘What’s up?’ Laura asked. She had her shoes in her hands and was covered in sand.
‘Nothing. You look like you’ve been rolling in it,’ Jo said, helping Laura brush the sand off her hair.
‘Sure have.’ Laura grinned. ‘The drummer was on a break.’
‘Fuck.’ Mani hit her on the arm. ‘That’s where you got to. He’s Rosie’s brother. What about Rob and marriage and he’s so so cute?’
‘What he doesn’t know…’ Laura said with a smile. Boys swarmed around Laura. It wasn’t just that she was pretty; lots of girls were pretty. Jo guessed it was her easy and joyful nature. Maybe boys were no different to girls, and everyone was drawn to happy people like Laura and Ash.
‘Jo, don’t you want to go?’ Ash said. ‘I’d call a taxi, but I’m broke.’
‘All set to go, at your command,’ Jo responded.
‘What is with you?’ Ash asked as they moved around other guests.
‘Nothing,’ Jo said. ‘Let’s find Rosie.’
Rosie was at the bar talking to an older couple. They waited until she noticed them, and then said their goodbyes. A waiter opened the door for them. Jo didn’t notice the step and tripped. The boy caught her arm and helped steady her.
‘Are you okay to drive? We could wait awhile. You could have a coffee,’ Mani said.
‘I’m fine. Really. See, I can find my nose,’ Jo said as they stepped out onto the footpath, touching the tip of her nose with her finger. But in truth, she felt drunk: not wasted, just a little tipsy. And angry. Only if we want to stay friends. Do you want to, Ash?
Once they were in the car and Jo pulled the seatbelt across her shoulder, she thought, I shouldn’t be driving.
‘Are you okay, Jo?’ Laura asked when she didn’t turn the key in the ignition.
‘I’m fine.’ Ten minutes, she thought. And we’ll all be in bed. Jo turned the key in the ignition. As she drove out of the parking space, she asked, ‘Mani, do you think you and Laura will be friends after you leave school?’
‘Of course,’ Mani said from the back seat, grabbing Laura and giving her a hug. ‘Tied at the hip. Friends forever. Even if she’s a slut.’
‘Better a slut than a virgin,’ Laura sang out. ‘Friends for life. Every slut has to have a Mani.’
‘I didn’t say we wouldn’t be friends,’ Ash whispered. ‘It’s just we don’t know, do we, where we’ll be or what we’ll be doing.’
‘But you hope we won’t be. You hope you can drop me, hang out with Kevin, and meet new, more interesting people.’
‘What’s with you two tonight?’ Mani asked.
‘Nothing,’ Jo said. ‘Not a fucking thing. Not us. Haven’t you heard? We’re like sisters.’
Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’ came on and Jo turned the volume up. Mani and Laura started singing.
‘This is our song, Jo. Ash and Laura are taken,’ Mani called out.
Jo snatched a look at them in the rearview mirror and tears slipped down her face — slow steady drops, falling silently. As they turned the corner, the West Gate Bridge came into view. Almost home, almost there. She wished the car was empty. She wished she had magic powers that could make them all vanish.
‘Please slow down,’ Ash said.
Jo’s heart throbbed; her hands shook. She was hot and agitated. She was sweating. As she rolled down the windows, the wind rushed in cool and loud, and Mani raised her voice, singing her own lyrics along with Beyoncé: ‘Cause if Rob likes it then he’ll have to put a ring on it. If Rob likes it he should put cuffs on it!’
Mani and Laura were singing and waving and swinging their arms in the air. The whole car was shaking. Jo was drunk, she knew it now. She couldn’t steady herself, she was shivering, her hands were shaking. She should stop the car, but the car was accelerating and she was singing too, and swaying from side to side. She had to keep pace with the beat; she had to go faster, faster, faster.
‘Jo, slow down!’ Ash yelled over the music and reached for the volume.
‘Fuck off,’ Jo yelled back, smacking Ash’s hand away. ‘Leave it on.’