The Bullet Trick

'Do you want to get to the point?'

'I’ll take that for a no then.'

'No, I had a drink with the proprietor though.'

'Ah yes, young burglar Bill.'

'You know him well?'

'Knew his father.'

I filled the kettle and plugged it into the wall. Rich shouted, 'You’re breaking up.'

'Sorry.' I walked back into the small bed-sitting room and asked, 'What was he like?'

'A swine. Why’d you want to know?'

'Just showing a friendly interest.'

The envelope containing the money Bill had given me was on the coffee table. I poured it out; a thousand in twenties, not bad for a couple of hours’ work, but I had a feeling it was money I was yet to earn. Montgomery’s manila envelope lay under the cushion on the sofa.

I slid it out and looked at its seal. It wouldn’t be so difficult to break, but somehow I was happy to leave it alone.

Rich’s voice came loud down the wire.

'Listen, have you got a passport?'

I ruffled the notes through my fingers.

'Somewhere, why? Someone want to buy it?'

'I’ve got something for you — Berlin.'

'Berlin?'

'Yes, Berlin, capital of Germany, once divided city now happily reunited.'

'I know where it is. I’m just wondering what about it?'

'I’ve got a contact, who has a contact there, who knows a man who needs a conjurer for his club. Bijou little place, the Schall und Rauch, means Smoke and Noise, just up your street, William.'

'Maybe. How much are they offering?'

'A bit of enthusiasm would be nice. I said Berlin. It’s a top entertainment spot son. The home of cabaret. Remember what Germany did for the Beatles.'

'If I remember rightly one of them copped it there.'

'The money’s OK. I managed to squeeze them for 10 per cent over the usual to cover your subsistence, plus they’ll pay for your flight and fix you up with accommodation.'

It sounded like the best offer I’d had in months, but something made me hesitate.

'I don’t know, Richard. It’s a bit out of the blue.'

'Remember what they say about gift horses.'

'Don’t take one from a Trojan?'

'It’s up to you, but there’s nothing much on the cards for you over here right now.'

There was a short pause while we both silently mourned my early promise. 'I spoke to the boy in Berlin and it all seems kosher, they’ve got a website and all that jazz.'

'Your faith in modern technology is touching.'

'Got to move with the times, Will.' There was another pause while I took a sip of my coffee and Rich sparked up; I heard him draw the smoke deep down into his lungs and reached for my own pack of cigarettes. When he spoke again Rich’s voice was brisk. I imagined him sliding his next client’s folder, complete with mug shot, onto the desk in front of him. 'It’s up to you, old son. You’ve got an hour to decide. No skin off my nose either way.'

I looked at my one-room rented flat, the unmade bed, the scattering of books and CDs, the pile of unwashed laundry, the red demands propped on the window ledge. There was only one thing I had to ask.

'When do they want me?'

'That’s the attitude. They’re in a rush. Someone let them down. Get yourself there by tomorrow show time and the job’s yours.'

I agreed to let Mrs Pierce arrange my flight then sat for a while looking at Bill’s secret. I decided it was nothing to do with me. Then I did a very stupid thing. I wrote a short letter, went out to the post office, bought an envelope big enough to hold Bill’s, sealed it securely and got it weighed and stamped. Then I addressed it to the safest place in the world and put it in the postbox.

Back home I put the kettle on, smoked another fag and started to pack.

Berlin

THE MAN WHO ran the cabaret was a German called Ray. He was the opposite of Bill, a soft-bellied doughy-faced rectangle of a man. He had blond hair shot through with grey flecks that looked too artful to be natural. And a tense smile hedged beneath a shaggy moustache I was willing to accept as German fashion, but at home would have made me think he was a gay man on a retro kick.

I put out my hand and he took it hesitantly, giving it the briefest of shakes.

'How was your journey?'

'Fine.'

Ray nodded. 'Good.' He looked me up and down. 'I’d hoped you’d be able to perform in our opening number with the rest of the ensemble but …’ He shook his head sadly and smiled like a man who had faced enough disappointments to know that he would face many more. 'Never mind.'

'Try me.'

He shook his head.

'We will manage. So, I guess the first thing is to show you around the theatre.' I followed him from the tiny ticket office and out into the auditorium. 'This is our hall.'

Ray paused, waiting for my reaction at my first glimpse of his kingdom.

I’m used to the abandoned atmosphere empty theatres take on during the day.

Deserted by audiences they lose their sheen. When the house lights go up the grandest chandeliers can look cobwebbed, the finest gold-framed mirrors age-spotted and marred.

The red velvet seats where theatregoers dream themselves onto the stage night after night reveal frayed gold trim and balding nap. But I knew that, like the leading man who arrives grey-stubbled and sour-breathed, or the femme fatale who dares to bare her pockmarked face to afternoon rehearsals, come curtain-up great theatres are ready to wow them all the way to the gods.

Still, I had my doubts about the Schall und Rauch. When I’d called him back to accept the gig Rich had built the revue into something between the Royal Festival Hall and the Hot Club of France. I’d known he was exaggerating, but I hadn’t realised how much.

The auditorium smelt of mildew, tobacco and wet coats. Its dirty pine boards were still littered with the debris of last night’s performance. Small tables, spattered with red candle wax and equipped with bentwood chairs, were regimented across the hall in diagonal rows.

The formation was an optimistic attempt to create an unimpeded view of the stage, but it made me think of a desperate army making its final stand.

The safety curtain was up, the unoccupied stage littered with random props, a large ball, a tangle of hula-hoops, and, somewhere near the back, a trampoline. The stage was deep, its rake steep, but it was the ceiling that revealed this had once been a truly impressive building. High above our heads plaster cherubs toyed with lutes and angelic trumpets amongst bowers of awakening plaster blooms. Remnants of white paint still illuminated some of the chubby orchestra, but most of them had sunk into the same mouldering grey that covered the rest of the ceiling. In its centre, half hidden by the lighting rig, was a chipped but still elaborate ceiling rose marred by a half plastered hole where I guessed a massive chandelier had once hung. Cracks fractured out from the damaged rose and into the outskirts of the ceiling. Not all of them were linked, but they gave the impression of being connected, like irrepressible tributaries sinking underground when the earth turns to stone, but always resurfacing.

'Have a seat,' Ray pulled out a chair and lowered himself into it, 'see what it’s like to be one of the audience.'

I drew up a chair, turning at the hollow sound of footsteps on the wooden floor. A slim, dark-haired girl strode in and started to wipe the tables, putting debris of crumpled tissues, abandoned leaflets and empty fag packets into a tin bucket as she worked. I smiled but she looked past me to Ray, shooting him a sour look. Ray attempted a smile.

'So, what do you think? Maybe not as big as you’re used to, but it has a certain charm?'

The girl saved me from answering, calling something in German across the hall. Ray answered quick in a tone that might have been friendly or harsh. She turned away from him, reciting a few words in a singsong voice, then tucked the cloth into the back of her jeans and walked towards the exit. Ray shook his head, 'Women, the same across the world, impossible and irreplaceable.' He smoothed the grey moustache slowly, like he was calming himself. 'I know your agent negotiated a few days of freedom before you start…’ I could feel it coming, the not-quite-deal-breaker the management hits you with to soften you up for the rest of the betrayals. 'But in this business we have to be flexible.'