The Bullet Trick

'William, you like her.'

I shook my head and started to put our props away, hiding my expression in the task.

'I’ve never gone for bossy women. Anyway, she’s taken. She’s with Kolja.' I tried to keep my voice light. 'A match made in heaven.'

Sylvie grinned.

'Then they’d better watch out. Those heavenly matches are notoriously vulnerable to temptation.'

Glasgow

IT DIDN’T TAKE Johnny long to get to the point.

'I’m organising a benefit and I’d like you to headline.'

I drew on my cigarette, wishing I hadn’t agreed to come back with him. I tipped some ash into the saucer, and smiled to sweeten my refusal.

'Sorry, John, I don’t do that anymore.'

The smile was a mistake. Johnny leant forward, enthusiasm for his new project shining on his face.

'So you said, but I thought you might be able to come out of retirement, just for one night.'

I wondered where he found the time for benefits between lecturing, exams, visits to the gym and a new baby.

'I’ll put up posters, take the tickets, shift props or act as bouncer, but don’t ask me to get up on stage. It’s just not possible.'

Johnny continued as if he hadn’t heard me.

'It’s in the Old Panopticon. It’s not normally open to the public so a lot of people might come along just to see the venue, but I’m finding it harder to get hold of halfway decent acts than I’d anticipated. You’re a godsend, William.'

I remembered this technique from our student days; Johnny’s water torture. It involved a relentless dripping at any objections until it became easier to do what Johnny wanted than to resist. I steeled my voice.

'I’m not a performer anymore.'

He shook his head, still smiling, sure that with the right persuasion I’d do it.

'I just don’t believe you, William.'

'You’ll have to because it’s true.'

Perhaps there was something in my voice or maybe Johnny had learnt that it wasn’t always possible to force the unwilling to his will. He leaned back in his chair and rubbed his hand through his hair.

'Well, at least give me a reason.'

I said, 'Maybe one day.' Knowing it was a lie.

Johnny’s face was incredulous, his dark curls stood up in angry little spikes.

'So that’s it? First time in years that I ask you to do me a favour and there’s no apology, no explanation, just no?'

Sunlight cut through the kitchen window, making a pattern of golden squares between us on the wooden table. I turned my head and looked out towards the backcourts where the tops of sycamores moved with the spring breeze. Sometime earlier in the year someone had planted bulbs in the window box; lilac hyacinths shivered in their pots, sending their perfume into the room. The kitchen would be perfect for socialising. The ideal place to share a meal with friends around the big table, knowing that if the baby woke she was only a few steps away.

I shook my head and kept my voice low.

'I’m not abandoning my career just to inconvenience you, and for the record I did apologise.'

We were interrupted by the sound of a key turning in the front door. There was a pause while the new arrival took off their coat, and then Eilidh put her head into the kitchen.

Her hair was pulled back into a roll, but it looked as if the wind had caught it and loose tendrils curled softly around her face.

'Hi.' She smiled at Johnny, then noticed me for the first time. 'Oh, William.'

I got to my feet, hoping my stubbed-out cigarette wouldn’t cause a row after I’d gone.

'It’s OK, I’ve got to head.'

Eilidh came into the room, glancing at the saucer, but not mentioning it.

'Are you sure?'

'Positive.'

She looked towards the other end of the table.

'John?'

'Let him go, Eilidh. William’s got things to do.'

The woman looked between us, sensing tension but unsure of its cause.

'How’s Grace?'

John took a drink from his bottle of beer.

'I just looked in on her, she’s sound.'

'Good. I’ll have a wee peek after I’ve walked William to the door.'

John shrugged his shoulders. I lifted my jacket from the back of my chair.

'I’ll be fine.'

But Eilidh accompanied me anyway. She turned to me in the hallway.

'What happened?'

'John wants me to do his gig, I told him I wasn’t able to.'

'Couldn’t or wouldn’t?'

'Can’t.'

She looked up at me then put her hand gently on my arm. Her voice was tender, as if she were seeing me for the first time.

'What happened to you, William?'

Something in her touch and her soft tone forced a pressure behind my eyes. I stepped free of her grip.

'Nothing, I just don’t perform any more.'

'It’s OK.' Eilidh smiled gently and I wondered if she’d always been able to switch between the hard professionalism she’d shown in the cells and this empathy that seemed able to sheer off my emotional armour with one look. 'I’ll speak to John. He’s under a lot of pressure and… well, you know how he is when he gets the bit between his teeth.' She shook her head. 'Every time you meet us there’s a display of bad manners.'

I returned her smile; grateful she’d changed the subject.

'Not the night I met you both in the pub.'

'It seemed to me you were a bit prickly then.'

'Possibly.'

'Anyway, I’m glad I saw you. I wanted to apologise for the other day. I should have been more sympathetic. You’d had a terrible experience and I was…'

'Sure I was guilty?'

'… not as sensitive as I should have been.'

'You’ve a lawyer’s way with words.'

'That’s good, I am a lawyer after all.'

'Will I have to go to court?'

'No, not unless one of them changes his guilty plea.'

'That’s something.' I put a hand in my pocket and took out my cigarettes, turning them over nervously in my hands, remembering that smoking was taboo. 'Eilidh, if…'

I hesitated, not wanting the mother of John’s child anywhere near my quest, but realising she was the only legal counsel I was liable to get. She smiled encouragingly.

'Go on.'

'… if a crime happened a long time ago would old evidence still be any good?'

Eilidh raised her head, her interest sparked, and I caught another glimpse of the sharp lawyer who had sat with me in the police station.

'It’s hard to generalise, it’d depend what the evidence was, but technology’s moved on remarkably. There are cases that were thought long dead being dusted down, reexamined and solved through DNA and the like.' She smiled. 'A lot of worried crims who thought they’d got clean away are dreading the knock at the door. Why?'

The urge to share was strong, but I resisted.

'Just something I was reading.'

Eilidh gave me a look that said she wasn’t sure she believed me. But it wasn’t an unfriendly look.

'Please think about John’s benefit.' She held my red-rimmed eyes in her violet gaze. 'He admires you. It would mean a lot to him if you were involved.'

'I’ll think about it. No promises though.'

'No promises.'

She leant over and gave me a kiss goodbye. Apart from the day when I’d met my mother it was the first time in a long while that a woman had kissed me. It felt better than it should.

I was halfway down the close stairs before I realised that I hadn’t asked Johnny what his benefit was in aid of.

Berlin

SYLVIE AND I spent the rest of the afternoon and much of a long sober post-show night trying to light on the super-sexy twist we’d promised Ulla. It was morning by the time we’d sorted it out. We went through a private rehearsal then headed to our respective beds with the warm worn-out feeling that comes from a good evening’s work.

Of course the cutting the lady in half trick was only a small part of the new act, but separating the woman’s torso from her legs was a private nod to myself that I was moving on from the kind of second-rate penetration effect I’d performed at Bill’s club. There was a dramatic death-defying illusion destined for our finale, something I doubted the crowd at Schall und Rauch had seen before.