facilities young fellow
What you were saying there a wee minute ago. . The invalid was staring at Edward. About the facilities, mind. Just tell us about them.
There was something in the invalid’s gaze and he turned swiftly to see Deborah. Deborah and the old woman. Both standing there just in from the doorway.
Deborah smiled briefly.
Hiya. . Edward continued to sit, then he coughed and made to rise from the chair but didnt. For one split second he felt so comfortable and nervous at the selfsame moment he wanted to rush straight across and take her by the hand and drop to his knees and ask her to marry him right there and then but something was stopping him and he felt like bursting out crying again because he seemed to have failed he seemed to have failed and it was in so dramatically and so suddenly and in so unforeseen and unexpected a way it was just so amazing and so ultimately stupid, it was just stupid, there was just something so up with him, something so just
He was telling me about the facilities Catherine. Some funny rules they’ve got in this place! Eh young fellow?
Oh yeh, yeh. . He raised his head and looked directly at the old woman, and he tried to swallow saliva but his throat was as dry as a bone.
Tell us again, asked the invalid.
Yeh, said Edward.
They’re strict eh?
Yeh.
Tell her about what people do.
Edward nodded. You mean the other tenants or just me myself?
Just how you all get by for your meals and the rest of it.
Edward addressed the old woman: Some people I think just eat cold stuff; cheese and slices of cold meat, tins of beans unheated, that kind of thing. Bread and butter. Or chips or maybe kebabs or pakora from the carry-out shop.
She nodded.
Other people have got an electric kettle and what they do is boil eggs and cook things preserved in salted water, like these wee hot-dog sausages you can buy out Presto’s and sometimes I think some of them heat up these wee fish done in tomato sauce — pilchards.
He’s talking about himself, said Deborah, giving Edward a look, and then he makes a cup of tea without rinsing out the kettle so it’s all tomato sauce left inside — even vinegar sometimes.
Edward avoided looking back at her she sounded so honest and good, he felt so badly sick, so badly sick. And he had to say something they were waiting. She’s just saying that, he said, and smiled, she’s just saying that.
And he twisted a little bit on his seat as if he was trying to glance at her somehow like he was not able to the way he was at present and he saw her frowning and puzzled. And he cleared his throat at the invalid and he carried on speaking about maybe even soup could be done in your kettle, he said, especially if it was really clear and no full of vegetables. As long as the owners dont find out, what they dont know wont hurt them.
Mm. . The elderly woman grimaced from him to her husband: If he was fit and healthy we wouldnt be in this state. We would have a proper cooker with an oven and I could make proper meals. She was looking at Deborah now: You see he was on the injured pensioners’ income supplement but they took him off it because it’d become a condition, so that’s us now until he gets better, if he ever will. And he’s the only one that says he will, cause the doctor says he’ll no.
That’s bloody appalling, said Deborah. She glanced at Edward, shaking her head.
Edward stared at the carpet.
It’s bloody appalling.
He raised his head and peered at Deborah, his eyebrows sticking out in front of his eyes, the hairs, as if he was getting old before his time, bushy eyebrows. He said to the old woman: I’m sorry missis I’ll have to go back down the stair now because I’ve got my studies to attend to.
He’s got his test tomorrow morning, said the invalid.
Did you tell him about your cousin Jim?
No.
You should have.
Och he’s no wanting to hear about him.
It’s only because things are so rushed, said Edward, plus as well I was thinking of setting my alarm early, so’s I could get up and do an extra bit of studying the morrow morning.
You’ll pass young fellow so dont worry.
I hope so, Edward said, smiling but feeling hopeless. And he knew his forehead was falling, falling flat — how it would be flat and he would droop there to everybody, them knowing his state, and he stood up and stepped to the side of Deborah, speaking while he passed: Will we go then?
Alright.
I thought you would feel like something to eat. . Do you? he said to her.
Do you?
Well if you do.
Deborah sighed.
I’ll maybe pop down later then like we agreed, called the invalid.
Pardon?
Maybe the back of nine, when you’re knocking off for a coffee. Or else will you just come up here?
Eh
Well I’ll just pop down then?
Eh, what about I mean. .?
It’ll be alright. I just have to rest now and again. Have you got a chair?
Yeh
He’s a stubborn old besom, said his wife. You know you’re no supposed to be walking too much!
I’m only going up and down the one flight of stairs Catherine.
Aye well you’re no supposed to.
Edward grasped Deborah’s arm but released it at once.
That was a bit rough, she said.
Sorry.
The elderly woman had opened the door for them. He ushered Deborah out then followed. ‘Bye, he said.
The door closed.
It was a hard grip, said Deborah.
I didnt mean it, sorry.
She nodded.
So where did you meet Missis Parker?
On the pavement. Outside the front close.
Mm. .
Why?
Oh nothing I mean it was just, a bit strange.
What were you talking about when we came in? it seemed interesting. You just switched subjects; one minute you were talking about fate and big business and then you went to making tins of soup in your electric kettle.
We were having a conversation. Edward shrugged. That’s all — it wasnt really strange. Just me. It was just me.
How d’you mean?
He looked at her. Och, nothing. She was somebody he didnt know but knew as well as anybody in the whole world. There she was in front of him. How she had been a minute ago with the elderly couple. Then there she was with her family. He didnt know her at all. She was just the way she was, whatever that might be. Then her and her sister, how they would also be together, that kind of faith maybe or loyalty. Something. They would have it between them. And it was now broken. He had broken it, he had come between them. Before him it was fine. Now it wasnt. He wanted to lift her up and protect her from all the dangers and pitfalls. If ever she was to get a happy outcome to her life she needed some advice, guidance, she needed to have her faith restored as well, once the truth came out. He felt abased in front of her. Plus she had a certain look in her eye. He could easily push her in the back when she was going down the stairs.
Did you get a sleep? she said when they reached his landing.
No. Did you?
I did, yes, eventually. Did you see my sister?
Yeh.
Was it alright?
Yeh.
Can you help her?
I think so.
Edward that’s good.
Yeh.
It is, she’ll be so relieved.
Aye. . He grinned at her. If they went out for a meal it would be fine they would just be fine and the things to talk about, different things to do with different things. He gulped for air. He needed to open the door to the room because now she was waiting for it and he hadnt done it yet. I’m just worried about the test, he said.
Well you shouldnt be.
But it’s important.
I know it’s important but it’s not that important.