The joke got him to sit on the bed.
“You made a mistake out of anger, which means you’re a lot like me. You’re still young, but with a few years under your belt you’ll come to realize anger and love are the two strongest emotions, and they’ll make you do strange things.”
“I just got mad you didn’t tell me about Hannah.”
Cain nodded, trying to find the right words to proceed. “Were you shocked to find out you had a sister?”
Hayden cocked his head to the side a little, much like Cain did when someone asked her something she considered idiotic. “That’s not a serious question, is it?”
“Yes, it’s a serious question. One I want an answer to.”
“Of course I was shocked.” Hayden threw his hands in the air as if to accentuate his point.
“Then imagine how I felt.”
“But I thought—”
“You didn’t have to think anything, son, because this was something I had to come to terms with on my own. But you can’t think I knew all along and didn’t tell you?”
Cain watched as anger replaced the confusion in Hayden’s eyes. “She never told you?”
“My relationship with your mother is a little different from yours, so let’s not confuse the issue here. What we’re talking about is my relationship with you and the trust that entails. But just so you know, I’m not angry with your mom over what happened. True, she walked to the precipice of a major decision, but in the end someone pushed her off that cliff more than she chose to jump of her own free will. Punishment for those standing behind her will come in time.”
“You don’t blame her at all?”
Cain looked past Hayden to the door that had opened slightly. If her answer was totally honest, Emma would never have a chance in the boy’s life; she knew him well enough to know. “No, I don’t.” The lie was a gift to the woman standing there listening.
“Is everything all right?” asked Emma.
Hayden turned and stared at her but stayed silent. He was young, but he wasn’t a fool. Loyalty was as important to Cain as love. When his mother deserted them both, she had cut deep. Those types of wounds were hard to recover from, and he accepted Cain’s fib for what it was—an invitation for him to know the woman who had left him behind, but hadn’t forgotten him.
“We’re fine, but we’re not done,” said Cain to Emma. The door clicked closed. “You’re sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine, I promise. He just kept me locked in a room the whole time.” His eyes never wavered from hers. “I think he weighed actually having me to what you’d do to him if he hurt me. You won out.”
The laugh that rumbled up from Cain’s chest was cut short by the stabbing pain of the gunshot wound. “If you’ve already figured everything out, then what do you think I should do to you for landing in Bracato’s hands in the first place?”
“You should show some of that vast capacity for forgiveness you’ve shown Emma?” As extra incentive Hayden held up his crossed fingers and smiled.
“That’s one route, but I hope you figured out what the lesson here was?”
The boy opened his mouth to answer, but Cain lifted a couple of fingers in an effort to silence him.
“Anger, in and of itself, is a good thing, within reason, but it will be your greatest enemy if you don’t learn to control it. You let your anger for me and your mother control your actions, and it made you an easy target.” Cain was starting to get tired, and the pain in her chest was getting bad enough to make beads of sweat break out on her forehead, but this was important to her. “No matter what you do with your life, you’ll be my son and I’ll love you. You know that, right?”
“Yeah, I know and I’m sorry.”
“Again, what are you sorry for?”
“For disappointing you.”
Hayden looked at the person who was the one constant in his life. Cain had given him the one thing he treasured most—her attention. She talked to him as if what he thought and felt mattered to her, and always had, even when Emma was there.
How many afternoons could he remember running around the playground near their house and glancing toward the benches where the nannies would sit to oversee their charges. One minute he would notice only a sea of strange faces, and the next Cain would be there watching him.
She had taught him how to swing a bat, how to deal with bullies, and how important education was. Because she had taken the time and had taken such pleasure in teaching him, he had never hesitated about what he would do with his future. Some people said they loved their children; Cain had proved her love every day.
“Hayden, you found yourself in a dangerous situation and kept your head. That’s not a disappointment to me. You’re my kid and I love you, and when you leave my side and stand alone as your own man, you’ll be better than most because you’ll always think before you use your fists.”
The soft hum of hospital equipment was the only sound in the room after Cain finished. She didn’t have the heart to send Hayden away, but she was getting tired.
After considering what Cain had said, Hayden asked a very innocent question. In a way, though, it summed up what they had been through. “Is that what you’re afraid of for me?”
Emma peered through the window at Cain’s face and noticed how the tight mask that concealed pain relaxed for a moment in a different sort of pain. She felt compelled to go in and see what they were discussing.
“What do you mean?” Cain asked.
“That I’ll use my fists and lose the people I care about like you did? You hit Danny, and Emma left. Was that because you didn’t control your temper?”
“No, Hayden,” said Emma. “Cain didn’t fly into a rage without thought. Cain thought with her heart. Someone had hurt me, and she reacted out of love.” Emma gripped the rim of the door. More than once she had been in the position to listen in on a talk between Cain and Hayden, and again the tone and depth of Cain’s lessons awed her. However, today Cain was trying to eliminate from Hayden’s life the one thing that made her so unique. The uniqueness that had captured Emma’s heart from the beginning and would make her son a special man to someone someday—Cain’s passion.
“Emma, let’s not fill his head with foolish notions.” Cain’s voice was barely a whisper.
“I’m not. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but you’re trying too hard to erase those things you see as lacking in yourself.”
Hayden leaned back as Emma came closer and put her hand on Cain’s face.
“I know you. What makes you so special is the fact that you’re willing to fight for those you love.” Cain’s skin felt a little too warm, and Emma could only guess that the moisture was a result of the pain she saw in the blue eyes. “I was wrong, not you. I know what you want for Hayden, and I want the same things for him.”
The sharp reply was poised on Cain’s tongue, but she let it die away and gave in to the desire to close her eyes.
Emma had won another small victory. “Hayden, could you go out and keep an eye on your sister for me?” she asked.
A nurse met him at the door, pointing at the sign that read “Visiting Hours.”
He put his hands up and shook his head. The moment had turned into something he figured both of them needed to get through without interruption.
The caress of a cool hand towel made Cain stir from the light sleep she had given in to, but she didn’t open her eyes. As Emma ran a soft hand over Cain’s head, Cain recalled the time they were together and she had gotten the flu. The tender touch then had made her feel so loved, magnifying now the loss of what Emma meant to her. When Emma had walked out, the memory of her skin pressed against her would wake Cain in the night. Intellectually, Cain realized there was a simple solution if all she needed was a warm body lying next to her, but it was Emma her heart still craved.
“You don’t have to do that.”