Alix blushed, for she could not help it. "My lord, there is no guarantee that the church will give you a dispensation for a marriage between us," she reminded him.
Sir Udolf smiled broadly. "Do not fret, my sweet lass," he told her. "Father Peter carries a generous gift with him for whoever can help me attain such an indulgence. The priest will know the proper person to choose. You are safe at Wulfborn, Alix. It will always be your home, and if God favors us, you will be with child, my child, by this time next year." And for the first time she saw a lustful look come into his eyes. "We should not have to wait," he murmured almost to himself. He squeezed her little hand.
"Should we not mourn Hayle a good year?" Alix said, pulling her hand away.
"Nay. When the dispensation is given, you and I will marry without delay. I am no stripling, my sweet, although I promise to be a vigorous lover to you," Sir Udolf told her. Leaning forward, he attempted to kiss her lips.
"Please, my lord," Alix responded, drawing back so that his mouth did not touch hers. "Your son is not even cold in his grave. Your tone is too intimate. Your manner even more so." Her tone had become scolding. Her look one of stern disapproval.
He was immediately contrite. "Forgive me, Alix," he said, genuinely remorseful.
Alix nodded graciously at him and arose from the high board. "I will go to my own chamber now, my lord," she told him.
"When we are alone together will you call me Udolf?" he asked her, rising too.
"If it would please you, my lord… Udolf," Alix answered him. Then she said, "You did not tell me when you plan to hunt, Udolf."
"Not tomorrow, but the day after. The weather is getting colder, but there are no signs of a storm on the horizon," he told her. "You will find I am a good provider."
"From the moment I entered this hall I have never wanted for anything, Udolf," Alix responded. Then she left him. This evening had helped her to make up her mind. She must leave Wulfborn, and she must go the moment he was gone hunting. She could not wed him, and she did not think he could keep his growing desire for her in check until a dispensation arrived. What if he got her with child? Then she would have no choice but to remain. She knew that many would consider her actions foolish, but she had to go. Sir Udolf was old enough to be her father. Had become her father's friend. The thought of being his wife, of being mounted by him, repelled her, made her nauseous.
The following day she prepared her chamber for prayer and fasting. She told Bab of her plans, saying, "I must not be disturbed while my lord is away. He has sent the priest to York, for a dispensation for he wishes to wed me himself and get an heir on me. Before I can be at peace with such a thing I must discharge a final duty to my husband. I will fast and pray for his soul while Sir Udolf is gone."
"Why, the wicked old devil," Bab said, grinning. "We all knew he needed a new wife. He should have taken one years ago, after the second one died. He has not even taken a mistress, although now and again I know he satisfies his naughty urges on one or two widows in the village. But they can't give him an heir. Only something young and juicy like you can give him what he wants. And you, being orphaned, are content, I suppose, to have him for a husband. Well, you're strong enough to manage him, lady. And old men always dote upon their young wives, especially them that gives them bairns."
"Of course I will do what is right," Alix said. "Now, do you understand that once I enter my chamber tonight I am not to be disturbed?"
Bab nodded. "Aye," she responded. "Say your prayers and clear your conscience, lady. I cannot fault you for that."
"No, you cannot," Alix replied sharply.
Bab cackled with laughter. "You look all soft and meek, but you are not," she noted. "I'll tell all to keep away. Shall I come to you when the master returns?"
Alix nodded. To do otherwise would have aroused Bab's suspicions. But where was she to go? She had had no family in England but her parents, who were now dead. The queen would-could-not take her back, and besides, Margaret of Anjou being a practical woman, would side with Sir Udolf. Perhaps if she could reach the coast she could take passage for France and then make her way to Anjou to find her father's family. It would not be an easy journey. Indeed, for a young woman traveling alone without even a servant it could be dangerous.
In the days before her father had died he had surprised her by giving her a pouch containing an amount just slightly in excess to the dower he had paid Sir Udolf. "A woman alone should always have her own wealth for emergencies," Alexander Givet had told his only child. "Sew these coins into the hems of your gowns and your cloak. And tell no one, my daughter."
Alix had followed his instructions, sewing at night in her chamber when she was alone. There had been eight gold coins and almost twenty of silver. She had put two gold and five silver pieces into each of her two jersey gowns. The remaining four gold coins, and ten silver she had hidden within her heavy wool clock, some in the hem, and others in a secret pocket she fashioned within the folds of the garment. She had put nothing in her silk damask gown, for it was too fine.
Alix had eaten the evening meal with Sir Udolf, who was now attempting a more intimate relationship with her. She managed to keep him at bay beneath a guise of shyness and propriety. It seemed to delight him and he praised her decorousness while attempting to kiss her now and again, chuckling when she fended him off with a scolding. Alix finally decided it was time to make her escape from the hall. She stood, but at the same time so did he. "I shall not come to table on the morrow, for I will at first light begin my prayers and fasting," Alix said, attempting to move away from him.
His arm reached out to clamp about her waist and he drew her to him. "Give me a little kiss for luck, sweet lass," he said to her. His other hand fumbled at her breast.
"My lord! Udolf!" Alix cried softly. "This behavior is most inappropriate. Let me go at once! Ohh, how can you shame me like this?" she protested to him.
"Forgive me, sweet lass," he said, but he did not release his hold upon her, and he could not resist giving her small round breast a little squeeze before he took his hand away. "From the moment I realized you were to be mine, I grew as eager as a lad with his first love," he admitted. "The thought that you will be my wife has made me alive again! My son was a fool, Alix. You are fair to gaze upon. You are sweet-natured. I am a man long grown, but I cannot seem to resist you. I do not know how I will wait the winter long to possess you." And then he kissed her mouth.
It was not an unpleasant kiss. More eager and excited. Indeed, almost boyish and sweet. Nothing at all like that first cruel kiss she had received from Hayle. Alix gasped, surprised, and pulled away from him. "Shame, my lord!"
"I will not apologize," he said almost defiantly, but he made no further move to touch her. "I will be a good husband to you. And I mean to kiss you and court you the winter through, sweet lass. You might as well know it now and be accepting."
Alix let a little smile touch her lips. She couldn't help it. Then she grew serious. "You must respect me, my lord," she told him sternly, "even as I respect you." Then she curtsied to him prettily. "Good hunting, Udolf."
He nodded. "Thank you, my lady love," he replied as politely. "I will see you upon my return, and prepare to be kissed then."
Alix hurried from the hall. Aye, it was time to go before the baron's newly discovered romantic nature aroused itself any further. Once a man's lust was engaged, he could not be stopped until he had attained his goal. She had seen that happen at court, and it seemed to be the same wherever men and women went. He was a good man, but she could not wed him. She did not want to ever wed again. But what would she do? She could not remain in England. The baron might come after her, and a man's word was always taken over a woman's. And as part of the queen's entourage her entire life until recently, she could be considered a traitor. She had overheard those who remained with King Henry until almost the end talking about how to save themselves and their families. Alix knew that association was often enough cause for guilt. No. She must leave England. She must go north, as the queen had done, into Scotland.