“Husbands are sometimes found if the Pasha is no longer interested and knows he never will be again. A few have been returned to their families.”
“But does anyone ever run away?”
She shook her head.
“I do not think that would be possible.”
“Nicole,” I said, “I must. I must.”
“Yes,” she said slowly, ‘you must. If you do not, soon you will be sent to the Pasha. Your skin is becoming very white. You have put on flesh and no longer look like a skeleton. You are different from when you came. Rani is pleased with you. It will be soon . perhaps next time he sends. “
“He is away now.”
“Yes, but he will come back. When he comes back he always sends … Rani will say, ” Yes, the fair one, she is ready now. How pleased he will be with me for giving him such a prize . something he has not had before. ” He will like you, I dare say. He may keep you with him.
You will surely have a child. The Pasha will like you very much because you are different. He may like your child more than Feisal . more than Samir. Chief Eunuch says that Pasha is very interested in the West. in England particularly. He wants to know more of it. He wants to hear about the great Queen. “
“No … no,” I cried.
“I hate it. I won’t stay here. I’ll get away somehow. I don’t care what they do to me … but I won’t stay for that. I’ll do anything … anything. Nicole, can you help me?”
She looked steadily at me and a smile played about her lips.
She said slowly: “The Chief Eunuch is a friend of mine. He would not want me to be replaced as Chief Lady. He wants me to stay the mother of the next Pasha. Then we work together. We are friends, you see. I learn from him of outside and he learns from me of here … inside.
I know what goes on here. I can tell him. He pays me back with information from outside. Perhaps . “
“Perhaps?”
“Well, just perhaps … I might discover something.”
I took her arm and shook her.
“If you can help me, Nicole, if you know something …”
“I will help,” she said.
“No one must replace Samir. Besides, we are good friends.”
Hope. It was the last thing left to me and I was learning that it can mean everything to those in desperate straits.
The note and what I had heard from Nicole gave me that much-needed hope now.
I thought of all the dangers through which I had passed since that night when disaster had overtaken the Atlantic Star. I had had amazing good luck. Could it continue? Nicole would help if she could, I knew.
It was not only that we were friends but she thought I might be a threat to her position. Nicole was a realist. But the Chief Eunuch favoured her. No doubt he had his reasons. But did it matter what they were, as long as they worked in my favour?
I was desperate. I needed all the help I could get.
I had reason to hope. Two of the most important people in the seraglio were on my side. And Simon was not far off.
Indeed there was hope. For the first time since I had entered this place, escape did not seem a complete impossibility.
Rani was indicating pleasure in my appearance. She grunted with satisfaction when she massaged my person.
My heart sank. In the cold light of reason, escape seemed remote. I had allowed myself to be carried away on a wave of euphoria.
How could I escape?
That afternoon I went into the dormitory and lay on my divan. The blinds were drawn and the heavy drapes made the room cool and dark.
Someone crept into the room. Through half-closed eyes I saw Nicole.
“You are sick?” she whispered.
“Sick with fear,” I replied.
She sat down on the divan.
“I am afraid that nothing is going to save me,” I went on.
She said: “Rani plans … next time … she will send you.”
“I … I won’t go.”
She shrugged her shoulders, a habitual gesture with her.
“Chief Eunuch says that he will be away for a week. When he comes back he will send …”
“A week. Oh Nicole, what can I do?”
“We have a week,” she said.
“What can we do?”
She regarded me steadily.
“Chief Eunuch likes your man. He wants to help him. They have talked. Rani wants very much to show you to the Pasha. She wants him to know that when you came here you were not very good … apart from your hair and that was without lustre. Now it shines. She has made you fit for the Pasha and now that you are as you are, you should be sent to him. He will be thankful to the man who brought you, who was the Chief Eunuch, but it is Rani who has nursed you back to health. But… as I say … we have a week.”
“What could we do? Please tell me.”
“Your friend will have to take care.”
“What would they do to him if they knew he had written to me?”
“Most certainly make a eunuch of him. They may do that in any case.
That is the fate of a number of young men who are sold to the pashas.
They are put into the gardens and there for a while they are normal young men, but if they are needed to work in the harem . well, how could he trust a normal young man among so many women? Hence the eunuchs. It would very likely be the fate of your friend. He will not be in the gardens for ever. Eunuchs make good servants. They can go among the harem women without temptation. “
“I cannot see what can be done.”
“You will do what you are told to do. You must remember that if you start this … you may be discovered and if you are … anything would be better.”
“I wonder if Simon will be ready to take such risks. When I think what might happen to him …”
“If you are going to escape,” she said, ‘you must not dwell on failure. Soon Rani will send you to the Pasha. Remember that. “
I was silent, wondering how I could endure such a fate. Moreover, Nicole was talking in riddles. What plans could there be?
She was vague. Sometimes I thought she was talking so to comfort me.
As the days passed, my apprehension naturally grew greater. I told myself that I must in due course face the inevitable.
The Pasha was back. I noticed Rani’s eyes on me, speculatively. She rubbed her hands together with a certain satisfaction and I knew the time had come; and when the Chief Eunuch visited Rani that evening I knew my fate had been decided.
As was the custom, five others were selected with me, for it would not do for Rani to choose for the Pasha; he must make his own decision as to which one he would honour.
Among the five was a very pretty young girl whose name I discovered was Aida. She must have been about twelve years old slender but just budding into womanhood; she had long dark hair and big eyes which managed to combine an impression of virginal innocence and dawning knowledge which I imagined would be very attractive to a man whose senses might well be jaded by excess.
I was interested in Aida because I was pinning my hopes on her. I felt certain that she had a good chance of being selected. The girl was so excited; she danced round the gardens, making no secret of her glee.
Fatima grumbled that she was already giving herself airs.
I said to Nicole: “She is very pretty. Surely he will prefer her?”
Nicole shook her head.
“Pretty, yes … but so are hundreds of others … and very like her.
All the same hair . eyes . delight . eagerness. You will stand out among them. And the Chief Eunuch says the Pasha is very interested in England. He admires the English Queen. “
All of which depressed me and I felt sick with fear. What was the Pasha like? He must be fairly young. He had only recently become his father’s heir. He spoke a little English, so Nicole had learned from the Chief Eunuch. Perhaps I could talk to him . interest him in England, become a sort of Scheherazade, holding him off with my interesting tales of English life.