The Knave examined it, looked Vesperus in the eye, contemplated for a long time, but said nothing. Vesperus assumed he was astonished at its size.
"It is only like this when limp," he said. "When full of vigor it is even more spectacular."
"If this is what it's like when limp," said the Knave, "I can well imagine what it's like when full of vigor. I've seen all I need to, thank you. Please put it away." Then, unable to contain himself any longer, he put his hand over his mouth and burst out laughing.
"How can you be so ignorant of your own limitations, worthy brother? Your endowment is less than a third the size of other people's, and yet you propose to go off and seduce their wives! Do you imagine the women's shoes are too big for the lasts they have at home and that they need your little peg wedged in alongside? When I saw you looking about everywhere for women, I assumed you had a mighty instrument on you, something to strike fear into the hearts of all who saw it. That's why I hesitated to ask you to show it to me. I never dreamed that it would turn out to be a flesh-and-blood hair clasp, good for titillating a woman inside her pubic hair, perhaps, but useless in the really important place!"
"It will serve at a pinch," protested Vesperus. "Perhaps yours is so massive that you tend to look down on everybody else's. I'll have you know that this unworthy instrument of mine has been much admired."
"Admired?" said the Knave. "A virgin with her maidenhead intact or else some boy who has yet to make his debut-people like that would admire it. But apart from them, I'm afraid everyone else would find it as hard as I do to flatter your honorable instrument."
"You mean to tell me that everybody's penis is bigger than mine?"
"I see them all the time-I must have inspected a thousand or two, at least-and I don't think I've ever seen one quite as delicate as yours."
"Let's leave other people's out of it. The husbands of those women-how do their members compare with mine?"
"Not much bigger-only two or three times the size and length."
Vesperus gave a laugh. "Now I know you're not telling me the truth!" he said. "This shows that you don't want the responsibility of helping me and are just looking for a way out. Let me ask you this: Perhaps you really did see the two men in that household as you robbed their houses at night, but as for the woman in the silk shop, you told me yourself that you visited her only once, in the daytime, and that you spoke only to her and never met the husband. How can you possibly be sure that his thing is two or three times as big as mine?"
"I saw the other two with my own eyes," said the Knave. "This one I only heard about. The first day I met her, I went and asked the neighbors about her husband, and they told me his name. Then I asked them: 'Such a beautiful woman-I wonder how she manages to get along with her stupid clod of a husband?' 'Although the husband may look coarse,' they told me, 'he is fortunate enough to have an impressive endowment and that is why the two of them rub along without any actual quarrels.' I then asked, 'How large is his endowment?' Their reply was, 'We've never measured it, but in summer, when he strips down, we've noticed it swinging about in his pants the size of a laundry beater, so we know it's impressive.' I made a mental note of that at the time, which is what led me to ask to see yours today. Why else, for no reason whatever, would I want to inspect someone's penis?"
At last it dawned on Vesperus that the Knave was telling him the truth, and he began to feel depressed. After pondering a while, he went on, "When a woman goes to bed with someone, it's not only from sexual desire, you know. It may also be because she admires his mind or is attracted by his looks. If neither his mind nor his looks amount to much, a man is forced to rely on his sexual prowess. Now I happen to be quite well endowed with looks and brains, and perhaps a woman will take that into account and be a little less demanding in the other department. I implore you to see this matter through for me. You mustn't ignore my many strong points because of a single shortcoming and abandon your idea of helping a friend."
"Talent and looks," said the Knave, "are sweeteners for the medicine of seduction. Like ginger and dates, their flavor helps get the medicine inside, but once it's in there, the medicine alone has to cure the disease; the ginger and dates are of no further use. If a man goes in for seduction and has neither looks nor talent, he'll not be able to get a foot in the door, but once he is inside, his true powers are in demand. What are you planning to do with her under the quilt, anyway, write poems on her pelvis? If someone with a very limited endowment and stamina manages to get in by virtue of his looks and talent and then gives a disappointing display the first few times, he will very quickly get the cold shoulder. A fellow takes his life in his hands when he goes in for adultery, and he therefore hopes for a love affair that will last a long time. Why go to such trouble if all you have in mind is two or three nights' fun? We thieves think we have to steal five hundred or a thousand taels' worth of valuables in a break-in, just to make up for the stigma we incur. For a couple of items we might as well stay home, rather than incur the stigma and have nothing to show for it. But let's ignore for the moment the man's desire for long-time pleasure. A woman who deceives her husband and has an affair must take endless precautions and suffer innumerable alarms, poor thing, in order to get some real pleasure. All well and good if she enjoys it a few hundred or even a few dozen times. But if she gets no pleasure out of the affair at all, she's no better off than a hen mounted by a rooster. The hen scarcely knows what's going on inside her before it's over. The woman's life has been wasted and her reputation lost, all for nothing! Not an easy thought to live with! Forgive me for what I'm going to say, worthy brother, but while endowment and stamina like yours are all right for keeping your wife on the straight and narrow, they are not enough to sustain any wild ideas about debauching other men's wives and daughters. Luckily I was shrewd enough to measure the customer before cutting the cloth. If I'd simply set to work without asking your measurements, the garments would have been far too big for you. What a waste of material! And apart altogether from the woman's resentment, I'm afraid you, too, would have blamed me in your heart for not acting in good faith but deliberately choosing someone too large for you so as to get myself off the hook. I'm a straightforward sort of fellow, and I put things crudely, but I hope you won't hold it against me. From now on if you need any money or clothing, I'm only too ready to provide it. But as to this other matter, I simply cannot do your bidding."
From the forcefulness with which the Knave spoke, Vesperus realized that the affair was a lost cause. He knew, too, that the money and clothing would be stolen goods, and he was afraid of the trouble they could land him in.
"I am in rather a difficult spot," he said, "but I haven't spent all my travel money yet, and I still have a few plain garments left. I would not want to put you to any expense."