"Good night, my freaky ones," she said, and the Baudelaires looked at this mysterious woman and wondered if she had really changed her motto, and would become a noble person once more. "I will be keeping of the promise," Madame Lulu said, but the Baudelaire orphans did not know if she was speaking the truth, or just telling them what they wanted to hear.
Chapter Eight
By the time the Baudelaire orphans found their way back to the freaks' caravan, Hugo, Colette, and Kevin were waiting for them. Colette and Kevin were just finishing a game of dominoes, and Hugo had cooked up a pot of tom ka gai, which is a delicious soup commonly eaten in Thailand. But as the Baudelaires sat at the table and ate their supper, they were not in the mood to digest the mixture of chicken, vegetables, fancy mushrooms, fresh ginger, coconut milk and water chestnuts that the hunchback had prepared. They were more concerned with digesting information, a phrase which here mean "thinking about everything that Madame Lulu had told them." Violet took a spoonful of hot broth, but she was thinking so hard about Lulu's archival library that she scarcely noticed the unusual, sweet taste. Klaus chewed on a water chestnut, but he was wondering so much about the headquarters in the Mortmain Mountains that he didn't appreciate its appealing, crunchy texture. And Sunny tipped the bowl forward to take a large sip, but she was so curious about the disguise kit that she wasn't aware that her beard was getting soaked. Each of the three children finished their soup to the last drop, but they were so eager to hear more from Lulu about the mystery of V.F.D. that they felt hungrier than when they sat down.
"Everyone sure is quiet tonight," Colette said, contorting her head underneath her armpit look around the table. "Hugo and Kevin, you haven't talked much, and I don't think I've heard a single growl from Chabo, or heard a word out of either of your heads."
"I guess we're not feeling much like making conversation," Violet said, remembering to speak as low as she could. "We have a lot to think about."
"We sure do," Hugo said. "I'm still not wild about the idea of being eaten by a lion."
"Me neither," Colette said, "but today's visitors were certainly excited about the carnival's new attraction. Everyone does seem to love violence."
"And sloppy eating," Hugo said, dabbing at his mouth with a napkin. "It's certainly an interesting dilemma."
"I don't think it's an interesting dilemma," Klaus said, squinting at his coworkers. "I think its a terrible one. Tomorrow afternoon, someone will jump to their deaths." He did not add that the Baudelaires planned to be far away from Caligari Carnival by then, heading out to the Mortmain Mountains in the invention Violet planned to construct early tomorrow morning.
"I don't know what we can do about it " Kevin said. "On one hand, I'd rather keep on performing at the House of Freaks instead of being fed to the lions. But on the other hand and in my case, both my hands are equally strong Madame Lulu's motto is 'give people what they want,' and apparently they want this carnival to be carnivorous."
"I think it's a terrible motto," Violet said, and Sunny growled in agreement. "There are better things to do with your life than doing something humiliating and dangerous, just to make total strangers happy."
"Like what?" Colette asked.
The Baudelaires looked at one another. They were afraid to reveal their plan to their coworkers, in case one of them would tell Count Olaf and ruin their escape. But they also couldn't stand resolute, knowing that something terrible would happen just because Hugo, Colette, and Kevin felt obliged to be freaks and live up to Madame Lulu's motto.
"You never know when you'll find something else to do," Violet said finally. "It could happen at any moment."
"Do you really think so?" Hugo asked hopefully.
"Yes," Klaus said. "You never know when opportunity will knock."
Kevin looked up from his soup and gazed at the Baudelaires with a look of hope in his eye. "Which hand will it knock with?"
"Opportunity can knock with any hand, Kevin," Klaus said, and at that moment there was a knock at the door.
"Open up, freaks." The impatient voice, coming from outside the caravan, made the children jump. As I'm sure you know, when Klaus used the expression "opportunity will knock," he meant that his coworkers might find something better to do with their time, instead of leaping into a pit of hungry lions just to give some people what they wanted. He did not mean that the girlfriend of a notorious villain would actually knock on the door and give them an idea that was possibly even worse, but I am sorry to say that it was Esm Squalor who was knocking, her long fingernails clattering against the door. "Open up. I want to talk to you."
"Just one moment, Ms. Squalor," Hugo called, and walked over to the door. "Let's all be on our best behavior," he said to his coworkers. "It's not often that a normal person wants to talk to us, and I think we should make the most of this opportunity."
"We'll be good," Colette promised. "I won't bend into a single strange position."
"And I'll use only my right hand," Kevin said. "Or maybe only my left hand."
"Good idea," Hugo said, and opened the door. Esm Squalor was leaning in the doorway with a wicked smile on her face.
"I am Esm Gigi Geniveve Squalor," she said which was often how she announced herself, even when everyone nearby knew who she was. She stepped inside the freaks' caravan, and the Baudelaires could see that she had dressed for the occasion, a phrase which here means "put on a specific outfit in an attempt to impress them." She was dressed in a long, white gown, so long that it passed her feet and lay around her as if she were standing in a large puddle of milk. Embroidered on the front of the gown in glittery thread were the words I LOVE FREAKS, except instead of the word "love" there was an enormous heart, a symbol sometimes used by people who have trouble figuring out the difference between words and shapes. On one of the shoulders of the gown, Esm had tied a large brown sack, and on her head she had an odd round hat, with black thread poking out of the top, and it had a large, angry face drawn on the front of it. The children knew that such an outfit must be very in, otherwise Esm would not be wearing it, but they couldn't imagine who in the world would admire such strange clothing "What a lovely outfit!" Hugo said.
"Thank you," Esm said. She poked Colette with one of her long fingernails, and the contortionist stood up so Esm could sit down in her chair. "As you can see from the front of my gown, I love freaks."
"You do?" Kevin said. "That's very nice of you."
"Yes, it is," Esm agreed. "I had this dress made especially to show how much I love them. Look, there's a cushion on the shoulder, to resemble a hunchback, and my hat makes me look as if I have two heads, like Beverly and Elliot."
"You certainly look very freakish," Colette said.
Esm frowned, as if this wasn't quite what she wanted to hear. "Of course, I'm not really a freak," she said. "I'm a normal person, but I wanted to show you all how much I admire you. Now, please bring me a carton of buttermilk. It's very in."
"We don't have any," Hugo said, "but I think we have some cranberry juice, or I could make you some hot chocolate. Chabo here taught me to add cinnamon to the hot chocolate, and it tastes quite delicious."
"Tom ka gai!" Sunny said.
"And we also have soup," Hugo said.
Esm looked down at Sunny and frowned. "No, thank you," she said, "although it's very kind of you to offer. In fact, you freaks are so kind that I consider you to be more than employees at a carnival I happen to be visiting. I consider you to be some of my closest friends."