— Park?
— We’re not staying in the car, Pete.
He drove to a house a few down from hers. Several inches of snow had accumulated.
— Aren’t your folks home?
— Of course they are. It’s Christmas Eve. But it’s the one night a year my dad relaxes. He had three rye and Cokes after church and he was sound asleep by nine-thirty. My mom went to bed at ten. And anyways, she’s on my side. She sees what my dad doesn’t. Come on.
They entered her house quietly. The living room was dark except for the lights on the Christmas tree. They went down into Emily’s bedroom. The reading lamp was on. She had him sit down on the corner of the bed and she went out and closed the door behind her. He looked at a portrait of her grandmother she had on her desk. When she came back into the room, she was carrying two mugs of hot chocolate. She gave him one and she kissed him and she sat down in a rocking chair.
— I saw you play piano at your church tonight, said Pete. I wanted to stay and talk to you but I left before it was over.
— I know. Grandpa and my sister both said you were there. I had to see you, Peter. I had to talk to you. I’m sorry for how it all happened. But I can’t stop thinking about you.
Pete put the mug down between his knees. It was difficult to look her in the eye. He said, quietly: Do you know about me?
— I know now. My dad knows. He told my mother. He thinks he has to shelter me from these things. True things. But like I said, my mother understands.
Shame flowed through him. He closed his eyes, said: She told you …
— Yes. She said it’s why your mom moved to North Bay to have you, why you lived there for a few years. But, look … none of that is what makes you who you are now. It’s just where you came from. You’re a good person.
He took a deep breath and opened his eyes again. He said: Did you hear what happened at Nancy’s house?
— Ha, yes I did, said Emily. Nancy and I aren’t speaking much these days, but Samantha was there. She couldn’t wait to tell me about it, how you came in by yourself, walked straight into the back room, and beat the hell out of all of them.
— It didn’t exactly happen like that. I’m surprised I made it out of there in one piece.
— I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner. I hope you won’t think I’m terrible if I say Roger Amos might have finally got what he deserved.
— I guess so, said Pete. It was stupid. I wasn’t thinking straight. It was the same day … I found out about myself.
— You really never knew, did you.
— No.
She put her hot chocolate on the corner of the desk. She leaned forward and took his face in her hands. She kissed him again. Her mouth was soft and warm. She withdrew and sat back in the rocking chair.
— What went wrong with us? said Pete. Was it finding out about me?
— I don’t care about that, Pete. Look. For a long time I’ve felt like I was done with school and everybody here in town. It’s too small here. People are too small, you know? I fast-tracked this semester and I’m going to go to university in the fall. A year early. We looked at the university while we were in the city. We saw the music college and met the dean. It’s amazing there, Pete. It’s everything I want. That’s what the problem was. It reminded me I didn’t want to care about anybody. I wanted to be able to get up and leave. I thought if I got away from you it would make it easier. But I was wrong. I’ve been thinking about you the whole time.
— It’s strange that you say that. One time you asked me what my plan was. Do you remember?
— Yes. You wouldn’t tell me.
— Tonight I came to your church to do just that, to tell you. But I didn’t know how, so I left. Anyway, since I quit school I’ve been planning to go out west. As far as I can. Right out to the ocean, I guess. Because I know what it’s like to feel like it’s too small here. I’ve known that for a long time. I told them at work that I was going to leave after New Year’s. But, now, with you … I don’t know what to do. I don’t know anything.
— I don’t know either. But … let’s think about that later. It doesn’t matter for now. It’s just good to be with you again.
They were quiet for a little while. Then Emily asked him, gently, how, exactly, he’d found out about his past. She quickly added that he didn’t need to talk about it if he didn’t want to, but he realized that he did. He said: Well, I kind of dragged it out of my uncle last Friday. He was drunk. He probably wouldn’t have told me otherwise, and I think now that I put a lot on him when I got him to tell me. I’ve only seen him one time since, and it was earlier tonight. He told me to stay away. He’s drinking again, and he’s out of work, and he told me the truth about my life. So I know he’s on the outs with my mom and Saint Barry. I know how they are.
— Didn’t you tell me it was Barry who got him set up here? Got him a job and everything?
— That’s true, said Pete. But I think Barry sees angles in things like that. There’s an old drunk I see downtown sometimes. I think I saw him at your church tonight. He goes around with a shopping cart and picks up empty bottles to take back for the deposit. I think Barry is kind of like that. His old bottles are the Lees of the world.
— Barry seems to be doing more than most people, who barely ever give a shit in the first place. I love my dad, I do, but if he had his way, people like your uncle would never ever get out of jail.
— Well, I don’t know what I think about that, either. This is what makes it hard about Lee. I want to be on his side again, and I wish I could tell you that I am … But I don’t know. I just don’t know.
She leaned forward and said: You should give him another chance. And more importantly, you should give yourself a chance, Pete. No matter what, there are lots of people who love you.
— I’ll be alright, said Pete. Things can’t get much more fucked up than they are now. Maybe they’re already looking up.
They finished their hot chocolates. She stood up and took his mug and put it on the desk, and then she sat down on his lap and kissed him deeply. They broke apart. Pete touched her hair.
— I guess your dad would kill me if he knew I was here.
Emily grinned: You and me both, buddy.
— Well, maybe I should go.
— Do you want to?
— No, said Pete. Not at all.
— Good.
She kissed him again. She settled her hips against his. He hadn’t thought it possible to be rid of the shame and uneasiness, but as she moved on top of him, he started to forget everything. Even if it was just for now. He was trembling all over.
She got up and went over and stood beside her bed, looking him in the eye. She unbuttoned her blouse, and then she reached up under her skirt and drew down her nylons and panties and stepped out of them. She lay down across the bed and reached out to him.
They were back in town shortly after one o’clock in the morning. It had to be the National Trust they were hitting. Lee was sure of that. They drove past Woolworths and past the cheerless frontage of the Shamrock, where the tavern was still open. Speedy turned the van at the bottom of the street and then doubled back up a laneway behind the buildings. The parking lot behind the bank was closed in on one side by a line of poplars and on the other side by a loading dock. A windowless steel man-door was set in the back wall of the bank. Speedy parked the van against the poplar trees. Gilmore switched on the scanner. They waited, listening.
There was little talk on the scanner. Some cop reported he was returning to the detachment. The dispatcher acknowledged. The words were dense with static.
They’d been there about fifteen minutes when they saw Maurice coming up the laneway. Gilmore looked at his watch. Maurice crossed over to the van. He opened the passenger door. Gilmore nodded to him.
— What a shitbag dump that hotel is, said Maurice. I didn’t see nothing down here all night.
— Good. Let’s go.
They distributed the walkie-talkies and tested them. Speedy was sent down the alley where he could watch the street. They waited. Then Speedy’s voice rasped out of the walkie-talkies.