I tried to get at my wallet; my shoulder muscles ached in their frozen sockets; my back seemed welded to the rock. Penny-it was she beside me, giving off a columbine hint of perfume-nuzzled my neck as she tried to reach my wallet for me. “Let it go, Penny,” I told her. “It’s not important. I need the money because we have to eat in town tonight because of the basketball game.”
“Why did you ever move into the country?” she asked. “It sets up all these inconveniences.”
“True,” I said. “But it also gives me a chance at you.”
“You never take advantage of it,” she said.
“I did once,” I said, blushing in defence.
“Oh, shit, Peter, here,” Johnny sighed. “Now don’t say I never did you a favor.” He ruffled through the deck and showed me the Jack of Hearts again. It seemed very beautiful, a circle completed, a symmetry found, a somber whirl pool of flesh, the faces hidden by the woman’s white thighs and the woman’s long loose hair. But the beauty of it, like a black pencil rubbed over paper to bring out the buried initials and inscriptions long ago carved on a desk-top, brought up again my sorrow and fear over my father. “What do you think the X-rays will show?” I asked, I hoped casually.
He shrugged and after a little hum of calculation said, “Fifty-fifty. It would go either way.”
“Oh my Lord,” Penny cried, her fingertips darting to her lips. “I forgot to pray for him!”
“That’s O.K.,” I said. “Forget it. Forget I ever asked you. Just gimme a bite of your hamburger. Just a little bite.” All the cigarette smoke was bothering my face; I felt as I opened my mouth I was taking sulphur into myself.
“Easy, easy,” Penny said. “This is all I have for lunch.”
“You’re kind to me,” I said. “Why?” It was not really a question, I was just trying to draw her out. “What do you have next period?” Kegerise asked in his ugly flat voice. He was the fourth.
“Latin. And I haven’t done any of the shit-eating work. How could I, I spent the whole screwed-up night gallivanting with my father up and down the streets of Alton.”
“Miss Appleton will love to hear that” Kegerise said. He envied my brains.
“Oh, I think she’ll forgive anything a Caldwell does,” Penny said. She had a mood of slyness which I detested; she was not very clever and it did not become her.
“That’s an odd thing to say,” I said. “Does it mean anything?”
“Haven’t you noticed?” Her green eyes went quite round. “The way your father and Hester stand around in the hall talking? She thinks he’s wonderful.”
“You’re mad,” I said. “You’re really sex-mad.”
Meant to be cute, to my surprise it miffed her. “You don’t notice anything, do you, Peter? You’re just so wrapped up in your own skin you have no idea what other people feel.”
“Skin” was a shock; but I was sure she knew nothing about my skin. My face and hands were clear and she had never seen anything else. This troubled me and made her love frightening; for if she loved me we would be driven to make love and there would come this very painful time when I must expose to her my flesh…Forgive me, my brain suddenly began murmuring, forgive me, forgive me.
Johnny Dedman, irritated at being left out of the conversation-after all, he was a senior and we were sophomores so his being with us was a considerable condescension-riffled through his dirty pack and ostentatiously chuckled. “The one that really kills me,” he said, “is the whore of farts. I mean the four of hearts. It’s a woman and a bull.”
Minor charged over to our booth. Anger flashed from his bald dome and steamed through his flared nostrils. “Here, hyaar,” he snorted. “Put those away. Don’t come in here again with anything like that.”
Dedman looked up at him with a benign flicker of the long curling eyelashes that gave his gaze a starry expectancy. He spoke with his lips hardly moving. “Go chop some horse-meat,” he said.
Miss Appleton seemed rather flustered and out of breath, probably from the long climb. “Peter, translate,” she said, and then she read aloud with her impeccable quantities,
“Dixit, et avertens rosea cervice refulsit,
ambrosiaeque comae divinum vertice odorem
spiravere, pedes vestis defluxit ad imos,
et vera incessu patuit dea”
As she made these words ring, she wore her Latin face: corners of the lips sternly downdrawn, eyebrows lifted rigidly, her cheeks gray with gravity. In French class, her face was quite different: cheeks like apples, eyebrows dancing, mouth puckered dryly, corners tense naughtily.
“She said,” I said.
“She spoke. Thus she spoke,” Miss Appleton said.
“She spoke, and…and…glowed.”
“What glowed? Not she glowed. Cervice glowed.”
“She spoke, and, turning, her, uh, rosy crevice-” Laughter from the others. I blushed.
“No! Cervice, cervice. Neck. You’ve heard of the cervix.
Surely you’ve heard of the cervical vertebrae.”
“She spoke, and, turning-”
“As she turned.”
“As she turned, her rosy neck blushed.”
“Very well.”
“And, and coma, coma-sleep?”
“Hair, Peter, hair. Surely you’ve heard of the derivative word comose? Think of comb, as a rooster’s comb.”
“And, uh, turning again-”
“Oh, no. Dear child, no. Vertice here is the noun, vertex, verticis. Vortex. A vortex, a whirl, a crown of hair, of what kind of hair? What agrees?”
“Ambrosial.”
“Yes, ambrosial meaning, properly, immortal. Applied most often to the food of the gods, and in that sense descending to us with the meaning of sweet, delicious, honey-like. But the gods also used ambrosia for anointment and perfume.” She spoke of the gods with a certain authority, Miss Appleton did.
“And her whirl, her tangle-”
“Crown, Peter. The hair of the gods is never tangled.”
“And her crown of ambrosial hair breathed out a divine odor.”
“Yes. Good. Fragrance, let’s say. Odor rather suggests plumbing.”
“… a divine fragrance, her vestment, her robe…”
“Yes, a flowing robe. All the goddesses save Diana wore a loose flowing robe. Diana, the heavenly huntress, wore of course a sensible tunic, perhaps with leggings, probably of a heavy green or brown cloth such as what I am wearing. Her robe flowed down-”
“I don’t understand ad imos.”
“Imus, a rather archaic word. The superlative of inferus, below, down below. Ad imos, to the lowest extremity. Here, literally, to the lowest extremity of her feet, which makes little sense in English. It is used as emphasis; the poet is astounded. Some rendering such as ‘her robe flowed down, ah, down to her very feet’ might be equivalent. The sense is of ‘all the way.’ She was totally naked. Please proceed, Peter. This is taking much too long.”
“Down, down to her feet, and in truth opened-”
“Was opened, was exposed, made manifest as vera. Vera dea.”
“As a true goddess.”
“Quite so. What does incessu have to do with the sentence?”
“I don’t know.”
“Really, Peter, this is disappointing. College material like yourself. Incessu, in stride, in gait. She was in gait a true goddess. Gait in the sense of carriage, of physical style; there is a style to divinity. These lines brim with a sense of that radiance, breaking in upon the unknowing Aeneas. Ille ubi matrem agnovit; he recognized his mother. Venus, Venus, with her ambrosial fragrance, her swirling hair, her flowing robe, her rosy skin. Yet he sees only as she is avertens, as she is turning away. The sense of the passage being that only as she turns to leave him, does he perceive her true glory, her actual worth and her relationship to him. So it is often in life. We love too late. In the next line he cries out to her, most movingly, as she fades away, ‘Oh why, why may we never join hand to hand, or hear and give back speech truly?”‘