‘And the others?’
The Abbess gave her a strange look. ‘There are no others.’
Four women alone in this wilderness! Helewise thought, aghast. Dear Lord, what a place! What did they do here?’
Abbess Madelina said, ‘We work our small patch of land, we tend our animals, we pray.’
Stunned, Helewise said, ‘How did you know what I was thinking?’
‘We receive few visitors, as you will readily understand. Those who do persevere through the marsh, the mists and the biting flies all say the same thing. How do we cope with living out here?’
‘I am sorry,’
‘No need to be. In answer to the question, we always say the same words. That God has called us to this lonely, desolate place in order that His precious light shall illuminate the darkness, and that when He calls, we obey.’ Abbess Madelina stood up. ‘Now, will you have more to drink?’
No longer the least disturbed at thoughts of grubby skirts and dirty fingernails, Helewise held up her cup. ‘Yes, please.’
‘A bite to eat? There’s a heel of bread and some salt pork.’
It would have been rude to reject the kind offer. Besides, Helewise was hungry, and her own provisions were out in the outhouse with the brothers and the horses. ‘Thank you.’
‘And now,’ Abbess Madelina said presently, sitting down again, ‘Alba. She is, I would guess, in some sort of trouble that affects you, or else you would not be here.’
‘She is.’ Quietly, Helewise told the Abbess of the struggle that the Hawkenlye nuns were having in trying to welcome Alba into their fold. She kept her account brief; there was a temptation to open her heart to this friendly stranger, but Helewise resisted it. She made no mention of Alba’s attack on her youngest sister, and alluded only briefly to the blow that Alba had tried to land on her Abbess. ‘So you see,’ she concluded, ‘I am in the difficult position of having been forced into doubting the vocation of a professed nun.’
‘Hmm.’ Abbess Madelina gave Helewise a look from clear blue eyes. Then: ‘I am sorry for your troubles, Abbess Helewise. Our experience of Alba, distressing though it was, did not in general disrupt our little community quite as badly as recent events appear to have disrupted yours.’
And I have not told you the half of it, Helewise thought.
The bright blue eyes were studying her with compassion. Helewise found herself warming to this forthright Abbess, who appeared to accept her dismal lot with such fortitude and serenity. On an impulse, she said, ‘How did you cope with Sister Alba?’
Abbess Madelina said, ‘Not Sister Alba.’
‘Not — but she told me she took the last of her final vows! Five years ago, she said!’
‘She lied to you, Abbess. She was with us for under a year and, although I permitted her to take her first vows and embark on her novitiate, it was an error of judgement. After only four months, I suggested to her that she should not proceed with us. I requested the archbishop to release her from her vows, and she left the convent.’
‘And made her way to us,’ Helewise breathed.
‘Not immediately.’ Abbess Madelina’s face was grim. ‘First she tried to destroy our chapel. With some determination, I might add.’ She held out her right arm, in which the inner bone of the forearm was strangely crooked. ‘I fear that is as good as it is going to get, she said, looking at the bent arm. ‘She — Alba — broke a candlestick over it, and the bones did not knit together quite right.’
Helewise put out a tentative hand, touching her fingertips against the distorted arm. ‘She must have hurt you.’
‘I mended. What about you?’
‘As I said, I managed to step out of the way.’
A silence fell between them. Helewise felt scant satisfaction in having been proved right about Alba; right or wrong, it didn’t remove the terrible dilemma of what to do about her.
Again following the train of her thoughts, Abbess Madelina said, ‘There is much I can tell you about Alba, Abbess, if you will hear me.’
‘Gladly,’ Helewise said. ‘I need your advice, Abbess Madelina.’
‘And you shall have it.’ The big nun got to her feet and, towering over Helewise, said, ‘But it is too long a tale for now. I will tell you in the morning.’
Within a short space of time Helewise — no longer hungry nor thirsty, and exhausted from the physical and mental efforts of the long day — was settling down on a hard-packed straw mattress, drifting off to sleep.
She was awakened by the sound of a nun’s voice, calling out with clearly audible joy, ‘Praise be to God, who in His goodness has awarded us the gift of this new day!’
From close beside her, Helewise heard the crackle of straw mattresses as the other nuns flumped out of bed and on to their knees on the cold, beaten-earth floor, raising their voices in the morning prayers. After a few moments, she joined in with the familiar words.
Then, still in almost total darkness, she did as she presumed the others were doing and put on wimple, coif and veil, draping her robe over her undergown and fastening her belt. Stepping out from behind the curtained-off section of the room, she found that the main living area was lit by a pearly, early morning glow.
One of the nuns was laying out chunks of bread on five wooden trenchers, placing them equidistant apart along a rickety-looking table. Five earthenware mugs stood ready beside a pot of water that was simmering over the hearth. The nun looked up and, noticing Helewise watching, gave her a very sweet smile and beckoned her to be seated.
The sparse breakfast was taken in silence. Then Abbess Madelina stood up, led Helewise and the sisters in a brief prayer and, with a nod, dismissed her nuns.
Helewise looked out through the door as they left. It appeared to be a lovely day.
‘They all have their allotted tasks,’ Abbess Madelina said. ‘And, Abbess, you will be pleased to hear that your two lay brothers are making themselves useful. One has already rounded up the pig — sensible fellow, he knew the animal would return as soon as she heard the rattle of the stick on the feed bucket — and the other is making good a damaged section of our enclosing fence.’
‘They are reliable men, both of them,’ Helewise replied.
‘And the elder quite devoted to you.’ Abbess Madelina gave her a smile. ‘He asked how you fared, and was clearly anxious lest you had taken chill.’
Oh, dear, Helewise thought, I do hope Saul was diplomatic.
‘Don’t concern yourself,’ Abbess Madelina added, ‘he was perfectly courteous. Now’ — she pressed on while Helewise was still reeling from yet again having had her thoughts read so accurately — ‘to poor Alba. I said I would tell you what I know, and indeed I shall. Although, in the light of experience of the woman, I do wonder how much will prove to be the truth. . However, that remains to be seen.’
She paused, gazing into the corner of the room as she seemed to decide how best to begin. The action gave Helewise a strong sense of affinity with her; she, too, had been trained during her novitiate to assemble her thoughts before she spoke, so as to ensure both clarity and economy of speech.
‘Alba came here early last summer — in May, I believe it was,’ Abbess Madelina began. ‘My first impression was that she sought admission with us because of some intolerable situation in the world, which is not, of course, the same thing as a vocation. However, I tried to maintain an open mind and, indeed, to begin with she did seem to adapt quite well to community life. One might almost say too well, for she was rigid in her self-discipline and also in her assessment of the discipline of others. For example, Sister Mary is elderly and deaf, and in addition suffers grievously from pains in her joints, and I turn a blind eye when she fails to hear a summons to prayer, or when she slips a piece of cloth between her aching knees and the cold, hard, damp floor of the chapel when she kneels to pray. Alba, in her single-mindedness, always brought these things publicly to my notice. And she would take our dear Sister Celestine to task over her absent-mindedness; she kept coming to me to report that Celestine was standing staring up into the sky when she should be working, or humming gently to herself when she should be engaged in silent prayer. Now, Abbess, I know Sister Celestine, and I understand that she is blessed with a rare and precious gift, that of communion with the Lord, whose voice she hears in the wind, in the beating of the rain, in birdsong, and in any number of other natural sounds. Who are we, her sisters, to interrupt when Our Blessed Lord chooses to speak? And, as I repeatedly told Alba — who just would not listen — Sister Celestine always makes up her share of the duties.’