Wondering if Josse had already told Berthe of the visit to Meriel, Helewise quickened her steps. He should not have done that, she thought crossly, it was up to me to tell her. .
Josse looked up and greeted her with his usual smile. ‘Good afternoon, Abbess,’ he said. ‘Berthe and I were playing at riddles.’
Sorry! she said silently to him. What was it about her today, she wondered, that she insisted on misjudging her old friend?
‘Sir Josse, I have come to steal your young companion away, I am afraid,’ she said. She met his eyes. Would he guess what she was going to do? ‘I have a fancy for a stroll in the forest,’ she went on, keeping her gaze on his as she improvised, ‘and I wondered if Berthe would like to come with me?’
He gave a faint nod of understanding. ‘A good idea, Abbess. Berthe?’ He turned to the girl.
‘I would love to walk with you, Abbess Helewise.’ Berthe had shot to her feet. ‘Now?’
‘Now,’ said Helewise.
They fell into step, walking out through the Abbey’s main gates and off towards the fringes of the forest.
‘If we go that way,’ Berthe said after a moment, pointing along a path that circled the trees and that led in a completely different direction from the charcoal burners’ camp, ‘we shall stay in the sunshine.’
‘Indeed.’ Helewise was thinking. Taking Berthe’s arm and turning her firmly in the opposite direction, she said, ‘But that is not the way I wish to go.’
Holding the girl as she was, she felt the sudden tension. They walked in silence for a while, then Helewise said gently, ‘Berthe, as you have doubtless guessed, we are not merely going for a pleasant stroll.’
‘Aren’t we?’ Berthe sounded desolate.
‘Child, do not despair!’ Helewise gave her hand a squeeze. ‘You have borne a heavy burden these many days, and you have borne it long enough.’
‘But I can’t tell you! I can’t!’ Berthe was sobbing.
‘Berthe, there is no need for you to break a confidence, since I already know what you are trying so hard to keep from me.’ Helewise gave the girl a little shake. ‘Sir Josse and I came out here to find Meriel yesterday.’
‘You can’t have done! You didn’t know where they — where she was! Nobody did but me!’
Feeling distinctly sheepish, Helewise said, ‘I must confess that I asked Augustine to follow you. He told me where you had gone, and whom you met there.’
Berthe’s face had darkened. ‘Augustine?’
‘Yes.’
The girl said, with a catch in her voice, ‘I thought he was my friend.’
‘He is!’ Helewise insisted urgently. ‘Berthe, he realised that matters could not go on as they stood, purely because he is your friend! You are not a natural liar, child, and it was not right for you to be forced to go on bearing another’s secret.’
‘I didn’t mind! Meriel’s my sister, I’d do anything for her!’
‘Even lie to Sir Josse?’ Helewise asked shrewdly. ‘How did that feel, Berthe, to pretend to someone as fond of you as he is that you had no idea where Meriel was, pretend that you were worried sick about her?’
Berthe’s resistance collapsed. ‘I couldn’t lie to him,’ she said softly.
Helewise threw her arms round the slumped shoulders. ‘I’m very sorry, Berthe. This — setting Augustine to follow you and reveal your secret to me — was entirely my plan.’
Berthe disengaged herself and stared up into Helewise’s face. ‘But then you’re tougher than him,’ she said quietly.
‘I-’ Helewise found she couldn’t go on. What, indeed, was there to say?
‘Come on, then,’ Berthe said, leading the way off along the track. Stopping again and turning round, she added, ‘That is, if you really want to pay them a visit, and this wasn’t just a way of getting me on my own for a private talk?’
Such cynicism! Helewise thought. And the child still so young. ‘Indeed I do wish to visit Meriel and Jerome,’ she assured Berthe. ‘And in your company, too. Much has been going on that has been damaging to you both, and I wish to set matters right.’
Berthe did not reply. But the look she gave Helewise over her shoulder rather suggested she doubted whether setting these particular matters right was within any one person’s power.
Even if that person was the Abbess of Hawkenlye.
Berthe was still in the lead when they came to the clearing.
‘Meriel!’ she called out. ‘Jerome! It’s me, Berthe, and I’ve got the Abbess with me!’
There was no answer.
Berthe turned round to Helewise. ‘They’re probably off checking the snares,’ she said confidently. ‘Jerome’s getting very good at snaring; he got a hare the other day and Meriel cooked it beautifully! Meriel!’ she called again, more loudly. ‘Where are you?’
But Helewise had walked over to the little hearth. No fire burned; none was laid ready. She put her hand to one of the pieces of turf that had been neatly cut and placed where the fire had been, gently moving it aside to feel beneath.
Cold.
Hearing Berthe’s calls echo from the edge of the trees, she straightened up and went across to the shelter which Meriel and Jerome had been using.
It was empty.
Other than the edges of the scar left by the recent fire, the glade and the charcoal burners’ camp looked deserted. Looked, moreover, as if nobody had been there for weeks. Months.
Helewise called softly, ‘Berthe, come here.’
After some time, Berthe obeyed.
Helewise stared at her. ‘Child, they’ve gone. Meriel and Jerome have gone.’
Berthe was shaking her head, her eyes filling with tears. She said, ‘No!’
‘Now, Berthe, don’t cry!’ Helewise tried to hug her but she would not suffer herself to be hugged. ‘We’ll find them, I promise, and then you’ll-’
‘We won’t find them!’ Berthe shouted. ‘Don’t you understand? I only found them here because they told me where they were, and you only found them because you followed me! If they don’t want to be found, then nobody will find them.’
‘They don’t know the forest,’ Helewise said, trying to sound calm and in control, ‘whereas I-’ No. She could not say, whereas I do, even to reassure this poor child. It was a lie. And for some reason Helewise didn’t like to fathom, it felt as if it would be a dangerous lie. .
Berthe was looking at her. ‘The forest is vast,’ she said. ‘I know it is, Jerome said. Big enough for two people to disappear and never be found.’ Two fat tears rolled down her cheeks.
Helewise’s heart broke for her. ‘They won’t leave you behind, Berthe.’ She wished the girl would relent and let her approach. ‘Your sister won’t abandon you.’
‘She will if she has to,’ Berthe said. ‘And anyway I told her about the infirmary, how I really like working there and how Sister Euphemia says maybe one day I can be one of her proper nurses.’
‘So?’ Helewise didn’t immediately see the connection.
Berthe gave a faint sigh. ‘So she knows I’ll be happy. Even if she has to go.’ But the tears, momentarily halted, were flowing again. ‘Even if I never see her again as long as I live.’
Helewise could no longer resist the urge to comfort. Stepping forward, putting her hands on Berthe’s shoulders, she said, ‘Berthe, it will not come to that! I am quite sure it won’t!’
Berthe shook her off. ‘Abbess Helewise, I know you mean well, but you don’t understand!’ Her voice rising to near hysteria, she cried, ‘That’s been the trouble, all along! You’ve tried to help, but you can’t. You just don’t know what’s at stake!’
‘Then tell me!’ Helewise implored. ‘Let me help you, all of you!’
For a moment of stillness, she thought Berthe was going to relent. Waiting, she found she was holding her breath.
But then Berthe said, ‘No.’ With a resigned look, she straightened her shoulders, and the gesture almost undermined the Abbess. Managing a weak smile, Berthe went on, ‘Please don’t think I don’t long to tell you. But the secret isn’t mine to reveal.’