c. BREAK SOMETHING (5 POINTS)
d. PLOT THEIR DEATHS (10 POINTS)
______________
2. ARE PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK?
a. OF COURSE THEY ARE! (3 POINTS)
b. NO, THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT ME IN FRONT OF MY FACE (2 POINTS)
c. NOT SO MUCH TALKING BUT LOTS OF WHISPERING (6 POINTS)
d. WHO CAN HEAR THEM WITH ALL THE VOICES IN MY HEAD? (10 POINTS)
______________
3. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
a. LORD AND MASTER OF ALL I SEE (7 POINTS)
b. MAD SCIENTIST (5 POINTS)
c. WICKED STEPMOTHER (4 POINTS)
d. AMBASSADOR TO OUR ALIEN CONQUERORS (10 POINTS)
______________
4. WHAT DO YOU WEAR ON A TYPICAL DAY?
a. A MASK TO HIDE MY HORRIBLY DISFIGURED FACE (8 POINTS)
b. A CAPE, MONOCLE, AND WALKING STICK (4 POINTS)
c. A TINFOIL HAT TO BLOCK MIND READERS (10 POINTS)
d. A STRAITJACKET (10 POINTS)
______________
5. WHICH WOULD MAKE YOU THE MOST AFRAID?
a. A DARK ROOM (3 POINTS)
b. A CONFINED SPACE (3 POINTS)
c. HEIGHTS (2 POINTS)
d. FRIED CHICKEN (10 POINTS)
OK, NOW ADD UP THE POINTS AND WRITE DOWN THE TOTAL.
EGAD! THAT’S A HIGH NUMBER. OK, DON’T PANIC. LET’S JUST MOVE ON. KEEP READING THIS CASE FILE WHILE I CALL A DOCTOR, OR THE POLICE, OR A SWAT TEAM.
Gerdie carefully placed ten hot water bottles on her bed, then eased herself on top of them. She had never been so sore in her life and she knew why—the machine. She had been lugging it all over town for a week. Every time she turned it on, it sucked all the electricity out of the surrounding area, so she was constantly forced to find new locations to draw power. She guessed that the machine needed the energy to open the doorways to other worlds, but she couldn’t wrap her head around the math to fully understand. Once upon a time, her brain had been upgraded with nanobyte technology. Back then there was no mystery she couldn’t solve. Oh well. She was still smart enough to make herself beautiful.
“We’ve both been working hard, and it’s time for our reward,” she said to the machine, which was propped up next to her bed. “We’re both getting makeovers! I’m getting the works and you’re going to get smaller and lighter. I know that our real beauty is on the inside, but who can see it through all these layers of ugly?”
She gingerly sat up and scooped her phone off the nightstand. She tapped a few numbers into the keypad and waited for someone to answer.
“Hello, this is the medical office of Thompson and Chase, Plastic Surgeons. How can I help you?”
“I’d like to make an appointment,” Gerdie said.
“Very good,” the receptionist said. “And exactly what procedure are you interested in?”
Gerdie eyed herself in her mirror. “You name it.”
“OK,” the receptionist said. “And can you give me your insurance information?”
“No need,” Gerdie replied as she gazed around her room. It was filled with golden statues, great works of art, buckets of jewels, and exotic furs she had shoplifted during her trips to other worlds. “I’ll be paying in cash.”
Matilda’s eyes fluttered open.
“Gluestick! Is he alive? And what about the space station? Did I save it from the meteoroids?!”
“She’s gone crazy,” a voice said. “If we have to send her away, I get her room.”
Matilda looked around and found she was not in outer space but in her own bedroom, surrounded by her six older brothers: Marky, Max, Michael, Moses, Mickey, and Mobi.
“Who says?” Moses cried.
“I’m the biggest. I need the space,” Mickey shouted. “I should get the room.”
“I’m the oldest,” Marky declared. “I’ve suffered the longest.”
“No one is getting my room,” Matilda said, but they weren’t listening. As usual, the boys’ argument turned into a wrestling match, and six sets of legs and arms thumped around the room, carelessly jostling her prized possessions: her autographed photos of Muhammad Ali and Triple H, her authentic WWE World Heavyweight Championship Belt, a framed photograph of herself in the Ultimate Fighting octagon as her opponent tapped out. She leaped to her feet and stood over the boys with fists clenched. “If you losers break anything, I will deliver a world of hurt that you will never recover from.”
The boys stared at her for a moment, laughed, then went back to their battle royal. Enraged, she leaped into the crowd and joined the fight.
“ENOUGH!” a voice cried. Their mother had entered the room, and from her tone, she was angry. The fighting stopped and the seven Choi children lay on the floor, breathing hard and staring up at their mother like she was a four-star general.
Matilda’s mother’s real name was Mi-sun, but she went by Molly. She was small in stature, with long dark hair and murky brown eyes. When she smiled, she was like a flower opening for the first time, but when she was angry, she looked more like a dragon with smoke escaping from her nose.
“You’re lucky Mom showed up,” Mobi muttered.
“When I was finished with you guys, the tooth fairy would have had to file for bankruptcy!” Matilda whispered back.
“Boys, disappear,” Molly said. “I want to see how your sister is feeling and you are making her crazy.”
When her brothers were gone, Molly crossed the room and stopped at the window. Resting on the sill was a hareubang: a small stone creature shaped like a totem pole with a mushroom hat. It had bulging eyes and a kindly smile. Molly had given Matilda the statue for “protection.” It was supposed to ward off evil spirits. Unfortunately, it had no power over her brothers, unless, of course, she threw it at them.
“The lunch lady from school brought you home yesterday. You’ve been asleep ever since,” Molly said. “She is a very odd lady with a very deep voice. What were you doing at school? It’s summer vacation.”
Matilda gulped. What was she supposed to say? I live a double-life as a secret agent? I have superpowers? My school has a secret headquarters in the basement? The lunch lady isn’t really a lunch lady but a spy who flies a rocket hidden under the gym floor? And … he’s not really a lady?
“I’m taking summer classes,” Matilda lied. “If I want to get into a good college, I have to get ahead.”
“You are eleven!” Molly said. “College is a long way off.”
Matilda could see the doubt in her mother’s face. Molly’s suspicions were growing daily. Her mom knew nothing about Matilda’s secret life—only her explanations about “after-school sports” and “detentions”—but she wasn’t dumb. Too many times Matilda’s two worlds had collided, and it was just a matter of time before her second life as a secret agent would be revealed.
She watched her mom pick up the stone idol. “What do you think, old grandfather? Old grandfather sees everything, Matilda. He looks after you and grants wishes. Your grandmother gave him to me before I moved to America with your father. We wished for a baby. Clearly, it works. In fact, I may have to send old grandfather away. No more babies, old grandfather.