Suddenly, Max heard the sound of the front gate being opened. Dropping his newly found toy, he scampered quickly around the side of the house and crouched down in the shadow of the bushes next to the front porch. Yes, it was the lady with the hair.
Aunt Polly struggled to push the gate closed with her ample backside as she clung to the two overloaded sacks of groceries in her arms. The short, heavily bosomed woman wearing a floral dress was built almost squarely, nearly as wide as she was tall. She wore a large, floppy white hat with a yellow flower tucked into the band. Beneath the wide brim, chaotic curls of bright reddish-orange hair exploded in all directions. She had stubby legs and chubby ankles that seemed to strain the tan stockings she wore. Her feet were crammed into white high-heeled shoes a half size too small. The stiletto heels in back waged a valiant battle to keep her aloft. Aunt Polly teetered back and forth in the heels, struggling to balance her unwieldy load and navigate the treacherous walkway to the front steps.
Just wait for her, Max thought. Just a little farther, and she’s all yours. The Frenchie was small, but his predatory instincts passed down genetically from wolves and jackals burned like fire within him.
Aunt Polly breathed a sigh of relief as she reached the first of the front porch stairs. Then the bushes exploded. A quick succession of high-pitched barks and yaps filled her ears, causing her to lose her balance once again. Max tore through the bushes and launched himself into the air at the lady with the crazy hair. Barking wildly, Max landed on his hind legs and leaned his full weight into the woman with his muddy front paws planted squarely on her pretty dress.
Aunt Polly stumbled backward, this time completely losing her equilibrium on the towering heels. As she fell backward, she let out a terrified screech. Extending a pudgy hand to help break her fall, she landed with a thump squarely on her backside, spilling one of the grocery bags in the process.
Max, seeing the vulnerable prize on the ground, immediately stuck his head in the fallen sack, his nose sniffing wildly. Quickly sifting through oranges, a stalk of celery, and canned goods, Max found what he was after. The little raider pulled a paper-wrapped porterhouse steak out of the grocery bag. Suddenly, Max felt the strangest sensation. It was as if he was flying, Max thought before realizing it was just his master yanking him up and away from his treasure.
“Come here, you naughty little gremlin!” Bennett scolded as he tucked Max under one arm.
It’s my kill! Max thought as he struggled furiously in his master’s tight grasp.
Trying his best to subdue the wriggling beast, Bennett extended his long arm down to Aunt Polly and helped her to her feet.“I’m terribly sorry, Polly, but you fell right into his trap,” Bennett chuckled.
Aunt Polly brushed herself off and held the back of her wrist to her forehead. “Lord have mercy,” she exclaimed in her East Texas twang that was decidedly not from Austin. “I thought for sure I was being ambushed by a demonic white tiger. My life flashed before my eyes. I thought I was ready to meet the heavenly maker. That little beast will be the death of me yet!”
“Oh, settle down, Polly, he didn’t mean to startle you. Now, you okay?”
“I’m fine, but I’m most certain I nearly broke a heel during my fall, and my dress is a disgrace.”
“Don’t worry. We’ll straighten your dress right up.”
“Oh, I’m not worried about the dress, just my delicate nerves. I can feel my blood pressure escalating.” A look of panic crossed Polly’s face as she grasped Bennett’s arm. “Bennett, you’re a doctor. What should I do?”
“Come on, Polly, let’s get you and the tiger inside so I can clean up these groceries,” Bennett said as he helped Aunt Polly up the steps. “Come on in and see Kip. He’s in the parlor. I’ll bring you a glass of cold lemonade. You’ll be just fine.”
“Thank you, Bennett. You’ve always been such a decent gentleman,” Polly said as she took his arm and climbed the porch stairs.
Bennett walked to the back of the house and put Maximilian in the kitchen. He gave the mischievous dog a disapproving look as he closed the door behind him.
Max trotted over to his water dish and took a long, sloppy slurp. Sufficiently satisfied with the morning’s outcome, he curled up under the kitchen table and almost immediately began to snore.
Bennett went back outside to collect the spilled groceries, passing Aunt Polly in the foyer as she pulled herself together. Polly straightened her hat in the mirror on the wall and brushed the dirt from her dress with her pudgy hands before she crossed the foyer into the reading parlor. As she entered the room, Kip looked up from the book he was reading and a wide grin spread across his face.
“Praise Jesus, praise Jesus!” Polly exclaimed as she shuffled across the room to embrace Kip. Pulling his neck down with the crook of her arm, she planted a sloppy kiss on his cheek, leaving behind a circular smear of red lipstick on his face. “Honey child, my sweet honey child, it’s been so long since I’ve laid eyes on you.” Polly released his neck and held him by his shoulders. “How you been? How you been?” she asked, positively beaming. “Tell me all about it; I want to know everything about the big city.”
“Well,” began Kip.
“No, no, no,” Polly interrupted. “First, come sit down over here.”
They crossed the room and sat down on the red velvet love seat that was placed in front of the fireplace. Aunt Polly’s weight on the cushions pulled Kip closer to her than he would have liked.
“Okay, now tell me all about New York,” Polly begged. “I just love New York. Adore it. Adore it. Adore it,” she ranted in her startling fast-paced manner of speaking. “Now mind you, I’ve never been, but I was going to go with some of my bingo girlfriends last summer to spend a week seeing Broadway shows, but Esther, that would be Big Esther, she’s one of my bingo girls, not Little Esther, oh, she’s one of my bingo girls, too, they’re not related, but Big Esther is plumb near six and a half feet tall, so we call her Big Esther so there’s no confusion with Little Esther, who ain’t nothing but a whisper of a thing. Anyway, Big Esther says we shouldn’t go to New York until the city’s murder rate declines for three straight years in a row, because two is a coincidence, but three is a trend, at least that’s what Esther says, Big Esther, that is, and with a group of vulnerable Christian ladies, you can’t be too careful. I watch the cable and it’s shocking, just shocking what this country is coming to. An unescorted lady can’t hardly venture out past sundown without fearing for her safety.”
“Well, really, Aunt Polly,” Kip said, “the city, it’s really not that bad…”
“And tell me about your love life!” Polly interrupted as she grabbed his hand. “I don’t see a ring on this finger,” she said devilishly. “Oh, my goodness!” Polly clasped her hands to her face. “You should come to bingo with me tonight. I’ve told my girlfriends all about you. And I’ve told them how handsome my favorite nephew is.” Polly pinched Kip’s cheek.
“You just absolutely have to meet Big Esther and Little Esther, of course they’re not related, oh, yeah, I already told you about that. But anyway, Jolene and Miss Pearl, they’re my other bingo girlfriends; they’d love to meet you. And Jolene, she has this niece named Diane.” Polly grinned from ear to ear. “Diane works in a hair salon,” Polly smiled as she cupped the flaming orange curls of hair bursting from under her hat with her hands. “She does my hair, ain’t she fabulous? And she’s single,” Polly said with a sly grin on her face. “And what a sweet girl. As Jesus as my witness,” she placed her right hand over her heart, “I’ve never heard even one single swear word come out of her mouth, and working in a hair salon without even uttering one single, solitary G.D., you know that little angel is as pure as driven snow.”