As we part, he high-fives me. “That’s the way they do it in America—I’ve seen it on TV.” He starts running down the lane, then turns around. “If you need help, just ask for Yusuf—everyone in Mahim knows me.”
THE MONSOONS ARRIVED, putting a serious crimp in our sex life. The beaches turned stormy, the library balcony wet and sludgy—so many pigeons sheltered in its eaves that droppings fell as profusely as rain. Even the Regal, perversely, got packed, showing hit after sold-out hit. One evening, we snuck into the deserted racecourse at Mahalaxmi but couldn’t get into the covered stands—we ended up so drenched and muddy trekking across the turf that no taxi would take us back.
June went by, and then July, each week getting wetter (but more parched in terms of sex). The fact that I spent so much of my leisure time within striking distance of Karun made this forced abstinence even harder to bear. “It’s the eternal tragedy of being gay in Bombay,” I lamented. “Never a place to yourself.” With city rents so high, most sons (the Jazter included) lived with their parents until marriage (the Jazter excluded)—and usually well after as well.
Rahim escaped this fate. His widower father passed away just as my cousin turned of legal age, leaving him the sprawling turn-of-the-century flat near Chowpatty where the two of them lived. I’d barely seen him since returning from the States, so I was surprised to get the invitation from him in the mail.
“He says it’s a wedding celebration. All men, lasting all night. Knowing Rahim, it’s probably going to get quite wild.” I slid Karun the card across the tea things on the table. “But we don’t have to worry about anyone—the important thing is we can do what we want, spend the night together.”
“You mean there’ll be other people around?”
“Who cares? We’ll wrap ourselves in a blanket and hide in a nook so that nobody can even see us.”
“I’m not ready for such openness.”
I’d been through this before with Karun—his extreme trepidation at the slightest hint of exposure. He’d used the same reason to veto disco nights organized sporadically at different clubs around the city by the local Gay Bombay group. “Don’t you think it’s time to loosen up a bit? Or are you still waiting for your report card from the experiments to come exonerate you in the mail?”
“It’s hardly like that. I just don’t want to blare out such a private matter to strangers at a party.”
“What you really don’t want to do is admit you’re just like them.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Which part? That your report card is stamped H for Homo or that it’s a label you just can’t accept?”
“If you feel that way, maybe you should go to Rahim’s yourself. I’m sure you’ll find someone more to your standards amongst all those other men.”
I stalked out of the tea shop, incredulous Karun would pass up such an opportunity in the middle of a drought. What was he, a camel, that he had used his hump to store up the sex we’d had? Why couldn’t he have a normal libido, be a slave to unseemly urges like everyone else? The Jazter jewels had turned so blue that they’d be a pair of twisted ice bonbons soon. I needed massive quantities of immediate action to restore them to their natural state.
Walking to the bus stop, I realized I’d become too fixated on Karun in the past few months. Release was release, with whomever one found it—that’s what the Jazter had always said. Hadn’t another wise man, the Buddha himself, warned about the evils of attachment?
So I spent the next few days frequenting old haunts again—the alleys near the Gateway, the facilities at Bandra, even the Oval in the rain. I rode the “gandu car,” the notorious last compartment named after all the backdoor action it saw, on late-night suburban trains. I got lucky with a cashier wearing a McDonald’s uniform in the sparkling tiled toilet of a newly opened shopping mall. But as I entered him, as my body heaved and strained, I found myself conjuring up Karun’s face. Guilt flooded in—as if I’d been unfaithful, as if I’d strayed.
It became an aversion therapy program, the way this guilt tainted every encounter. My favorite pastime lost its luster—the chase no longer thrilling, the prey too coarse, too anonymous, too un-Karun-like. How could this have happened? I felt like railing. Such crippling fallout from just a few innocent months of dating?
“You look completely lovelorn,” Rahim declared at his party, after admonishing me for not having kept in better touch. “Will I have to torture it out of you or will you tell me who he is?” He had developed a sashay to his walk—more matronly than nubile, and discovered mascara to somewhat alarming results. “Mum’s the word, I see—but that’s OK since I have a number of people here who’ll make my little Jazmine forget him.”
The “wedding” involved Rahim’s friend Akbar, who appeared in ceremonial drag—a red sari complete with ankle bracelets adorned with tiny bells. “She believes in married life, just to a different husband each month,” Rahim explained. “She’s tired of repeating the nikah, so tonight we’re going Hindu for a change.” Sure enough, the bride and groom (wearing the traditional headgear of jasmine buds) did their seven circles around a floor lamp representing the fire, after which Akbar swirled a platter with flowers and a lit oil lamp in ritual circles in front of his betrothed’s face. “Now kneel down and repeat them around the part that really counts,” Rahim instructed, and to hoots and claps, Akbar obeyed.
Afterwards, the crowd gave a collective yank on Akbar’s sari, unwinding it in a long swirl of fabric that sent him spinning across the room like a top. Watching Akbar prance around in his bikini briefs, I felt glad I hadn’t brought Karun—who by now would have probably stalked out. The game of musical laps that followed took forever to play because of all the poking it prompted, after which Rahim herded us into the study he had converted into a pitch-black back room. “This is the way to fight back the respectability drowning our poor deluded sisters in the West. Long live masti, long live mischievousness.”
Wisps of sunlight seeping around the papering on the windows woke me in the morning. I extricated myself from under the arm across my chest and got up from the floor—it took me a half hour to find my clothes. By the time I reached home, my mind pounded with the thought of Karun. I had not talked to him for days—what if I had let him slip away? I longed to coax out his smile again, yearned for his steadfastness—even his scientific prattle seemed so charming in retrospect. I had to see him despite the absence of fleshly prospects. Would I have to finally yield ground to his pontifications about life being more than sex?
Gathering up my courage, I dialed his number. “Where have you been? I’ve missed you,” he said.
BY SEPTEMBER, WITH THE RAIN still keeping us chaste, I wondered if the monsoons would ever end. Just as I prepared to splurge on a hotel room in desperation, my luck turned. My parents announced their departure for a week-long conference in Jakarta. I declined their invitation to come along, which puzzled them. “I suppose it should be OK with Nazir here to look after you.” I had to pay him the entire five hundred saved up for the hotel room to coax him into taking a vacation of his own.
I got down to the first order of business with Karun right away. I fucked him in every room of the flat, in my parents’ bed and on the kitchen floor. When he tired, I revived him with a bubble bath, then fucked him some more. He locked himself in the toilet, not emerging until I promised to stop. I made a good-faith effort to keep my hands (and other parts) off, but lasted only an hour. By the third day, though, even I was too sore.