Garth frowned. "Have you been ill?"
My brother now existed, almost literally, in another world. And there were more of "them" than there were of "us." The Lessons of Siegmund Loge.
"No, I haven't been ill. Did it ever occur to you that I might have been worried about you?"
My brother thought about it, then slowly shook his head. "No. That didn't occur to Garth."
"At the very least, you should have called Mom and Dad. They've been worried sick about you. We thought you might be dead."
"Garth has been all right."
"You should have called and told them that."
"Garth will call them if you think it's a good idea."
"Garth, don't Mom and Dad even mean anything to you anymore?"
"Yes. Of course."
"Then why didn't you think of them-or me-during the past four months? I'm trying to understand."
"But Garth did think of you," my brother replied evenly. He paused and studied my face, may have noticed the beginning of tears. "Garth is sorry for the pain he has caused you,
Mongo. He just didn't. . you, Mom and Dad. . Garth knows who you all are, but you don't really have anything to do with him, the way he is now. It's as if Garth's parents and brother belonged to some other person's life."
"But you do remember things from the other person's life?"
"Yes. But it's as if they happened to someone else."
"Do you feel any different now-physically or mentally-from the way you did the last time I talked to you, at the clinic?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Garth is sure. Why do you ask?"
"The last time the doctors ran tests on you, you were still passing NPPD in your urine. The drug was still metabolizing in your system."
"So what?"
"So, maybe the damn stuff is still in your system, and that's why you don't feel any different; so maybe when it all breaks down and is pissed away, you will feel different-like you. Will you let me take you to a medical lab for a urinalysis?"
"Garth thinks not."
I sighed. "Why does Garth think not?"
"Garth is the way he is. The idea that he will one day change back to the way he was before is a hope of yours-a false one. Garth does not want you to be hurt anymore."
"You let me worry about that. How about it? One little pee in one little bottle is all I'm asking. How can that hurt?"
"Garth's time is better spent doing other things. He thinks not."
"Do you believe you're some kind of messiah?"
Garth abruptly laughed. It was the first time I had heard him laugh in what seemed like years, but was only months; it was a rich sound, and it made me feel very good.
"You still think Garth is crazy, don't you, Mongo? There can't be any messiahs when there is no God. The reason Garth is doing what he's doing is because there is no one else to look to for help outside ourselves."
Garth and I studied each other for a few moments, and then I pointed toward the door. "Some of the people out there think you're the Messiah. Braxton and Carling do, and I'll bet there are a lot of others."
"That's not Garth's problem, is it?"
"But do you ever tell them you're not the Messiah?"
"If the subject comes up, yes. Otherwise, it's not something Garth gives any thought to. Garth tries not to concern himself with silly things. What Garth thinks about is telling the truth, even if no one listens, and helping those who need it and who will allow Garth to help them. Is Garth doing wrong?"
"No, Garth," I said quietly, "you're not doing anything wrong. As a matter of fact, you're doing an enormous amount of good, and I'm terribly proud of you."
"Are the people working with Garth doing wrong?"
"Not intentionally. But I think they may be harming you, even if they don't mean to."
"No one is harming Garth, Mongo."
"What do Braxton and Carling say when you tell them you're not the Messiah?"
"They don't believe Garth." My brother paused, smiled wryly. "Siegmund Loge would have found all of this very amusing, wouldn't he? He'd have laughed and said, 'I told you so.' "
The words momentarily stunned and disoriented me. "Jesus, Garth," I finally managed to say. "You understand that?"
"Of course Garth understands that. Loge may have been mad as a hatter-like you think I am-but he understood exactly what he was doing when he manipulated all those people."
"Aren't you manipulating people?"
"Garth is manipulating no one. All of the people who work with Garth are volunteers. They came here of their own accord, and they can leave any time they like. It makes no difference to Garth what they do. These people aren't anything like the Children of Father."
"Aren't they? One of the things Loge was demonstrating was how easy it is to manipulate people who want or need something supernatural, occult, to believe in. They're always looking for humans to set up as gods to replace the heavenly gods who are never around when you really need them. Loge maintained that this flaw existed on a very deep, genetic level, and he predicted that it would be the ultimate cause of our extinction. How nice your followers are isn't the point; they're exactly like the Children of Father."
"Garth does not set himself up as a god."
"But others are-just as Loge predicted would always happen."
"Garth can only be responsible for his own actions. Do you disagree?"
"No, Garth; you know I don't disagree with that."
"Then where do you find fault with me?"
"I'm not finding fault with you. I'm just worried that you've become a part of something that can eventually prove very dangerous and destructive. I can't tell you how it's going to become dangerous and destructive, because it's just a feeling I have. But history is on my side."
"Garth will never be a part of anything that is dangerous and destructive."
"I'm talking about the whole movement that has grown up around you."
"Garth is not part of any movement. Garth goes where he must go, and does what he must do. He will not allow what others think or believe to stop him from doing the things that must be done."
"Garth, what do you say to all those people out on the streets?"
"Why don't you come out with Garth sometime and find out for yourself?"
"Maybe I will," I said, knowing I wouldn't. I wanted nothing to do with Garth's People.
"Garth tells them that their confusion is his; their pain is his pain, as is their cold and hunger. Garth tells them about his experiences with Siegmund Loge, and Valhalla. Garth asks them to help ease his pain; he says that the way they can help him is to allow themselves to be helped, and then perhaps go out and help others. To a woman who keeps all her belongings in a bag, Garth says that he knows what it is like to have virtually nothing, and not have anyone to share even that with. Garth tells them how he hurts, and then begs them to come with him to seek food, clothing, shelter, and comfort. Some do. They know Garth is telling the truth."