“I can see why you’re a pacifist.”
“I have good reason to be.”
“I think it’s wrong how the government gets young stupid boys to join the military right after high school. Those kids are so dumb and naïve. It’s like the government is taking advantage of them.”
“I was once one of those young stupid boys. I was so dumb, I thought I was doing it for freedom; I wasn’t doing anything for freedom. I fought for rich people that I would never meet. I should have become a hippy and protested. But instead I beat up hippies; I didn’t know what the hell was going on. I was sure that what I was doing was right, but it was wrong, it was cruel and wrong.”
“I’m sorry you have to live with that.”
“Listen to me kid, never go into the military. Read your books, go to college, have sex, but never go into the military, they’ll brainwash you, and make you believe that fighting for America has meaning. It doesn’t. Personally I would only fight if a nation was directly attacking America. If they were bombing Yellowstone, or the Rocky Mountains, then I’d fight. But not for oil, fuck no!”
“You think this war all comes down to oil?”
“Listen, there are African and Latin American countries that have horrible tyrants just like Saddam and we aren’t fighting them. So why should we pick on Iraq. I feel that unless we take care of all the countries that have tyrants, we shouldn’t take care of any,” he says.
“Yeah, but those countries don’t have oil.”
“You’re right, they don’t have anything we need… Well I have to go.”
“See ya later.”
He gets up and pays and then walks out.
I go back to reading.
I don’t know what to make of what he said.
I guess an opinion on war would be most credible from someone who actually fought in a war.
I have no idea what war is.
All I know is that it doesn’t sound fun.
I drink my coffee and smoke cigarettes.
Half an hour till war.
I feel like I should be sitting next to a television watching the speculations and reports, but I don’t want to be home with my family listening to their speculations.
Everyone has an opinion, and I don’t want to hear any of them.
Jimmy comes in and sits down next to me.
“Here again?” Jimmy says.
“Of course,” I say.
“I sat in the park all day.”
“How was that?”
“Peacefully full of turmoil.”
“The war is going to start soon.”
“Soon we will all be dead,” Jimmy says.
“Are the terrorists coming.”
“Why wouldn’t they, if I were them I would.”
“Maybe they’ll bomb Denny’s.”
“They should, America revolves around this Denny’s,” I say.
“America hates Denny’s.”
“Of course they hate Denny’s, Denny’s is designed for poor people.”
“And poor people are expendable.”
“That’s why they got mad about September Eleventh, because so many rich people died.”
“And rich people shouldn’t die.”
“Should we become rich?” I say.
“Of course, it’s the American dream.”
“I’m the American dream.”
“You surely are.”
“I’m like Donald Trump.”
“I know, you’re a millionaire.”
“I have millions, that’s why I go to Denny’s.”
“Me too, I own oil wells in the Middle East,” Jimmy says.
“I don’t like this.”
“Don’t like what.”
“This war.”
“No one does.”
“But we’re saving a nation of people from a tyrant.”
“But that’s not our country,” Jimmy says.
“So they should save themselves.”
“Yes.”
“But why shouldn’t we save them?”
“I don’t see why we wouldn’t.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
“I thought you were against the war?” I say.
“I’m confused, I don’t see why we should, and why we shouldn’t.”
“I’m confused too.”
“We can be confused together.”
“As we sit here and drink coffee.”
“And smoke cigarettes.”
“We can be confused,” I say.
“Yes.”
“I don’t see any clear answers to any of my questions.”
“One will never get clear answers when it involves the actions of the government,” Jimmy says.
“The war is starting, it’s eight o’clock.”
“You’re right, it is.”
“Bombs have just been fired.”
“Soon people will die,” Jimmy says.
“And they will never get to live another day of life. They will never get to fuck again or get drunk with their friends.”
“They have to die, so we can drive our cars.”
“Maybe I would rather ride a bicycle than have people die.”
“No you wouldn’t, you’d rather have them die,” Jimmy says.
“You’re probably right.”
“Who knows, maybe you would ride a bike.”
“I can’t bear this.”
“It’s bearable.”
“I know, and that’s what is painful,” I say.
“There will be a lot of pain in upcoming weeks.”
“I feel so powerless and frustrated.”
“You are powerless.”
“Each man must learn he is powerless one day.”
“And a painful day that is,” Jimmy says.
“I’m a human, I should be able to do something.”
“There is nothing you can do, except be pissed.”
“What if I light myself on fire like the Buddhists did in Vietnam?”
“You’ll be on the news, but that’s about all.”
“The war will go on.”
“The machine has started, now it won’t end till it’s over.”
“The machine is unbreakable.”
“The machine has been working strong for thousands of years, it won’t end for you.”
“What if I pray for a really long time?”
“Prayer doesn’t help anyone, you know that.”
“I feel so powerless, so small, so worthless,” I say.
“You are powerless, small, and worthless.”
“Tonight I’m going to get drunk and hopefully forget that I’m human.”
“You should try that, it’ll be good for you.”
“I will, I’ll get drunk.”
“And what will you do then?”
“Go home and hang myself.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Because I no longer want to live in a world where bastards wage war on each other.”
“The bastards have to wage war, it’s what they do… See, kids who want to be soldiers do it because they are warlike beasts; they have to fight to feel human.”
“But civilians are getting killed.”
“They will go to Allah,” Jimmy says.
“What if there’s no God?”
“Then they go nowhere.”
“They disappear?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t want to die.”
“Personally I don’t think anyone does.”
“Why do we do it then?” I say.
“Because we have to.”
“I refuse.”
“You don’t have much choice.”
“I should have a choice, I’m a free individual.”
“We all die.”
“What if there’s no God?”
“Then nowhere.”
“All my memories gone.”
“Memories gone.”
“But my memories make me who I am.”