sorry, because she had baked the cookie. And Daddy wasn't sorry,
because he had gone to New Hampshire to get the 300 year-old
baked beans that went into the cookie.
Naomi and Joe? They just laughed and laughed, because they
knew that it wasn't a Wicked Cookie that Witch Hazel had just
eaten.
It was a Farting Cookie.
Witch Hazel felt something funny.
She felt it building in her tummy and her behind. It felt like a of
gas. It felt like an explosion looking for a place to happen.
"What have you done to me!" she shrieked. "Who are you?'"
"I am the Prince of New Hampshire.'" The Prince cried, raising his
face to she could see it clearly for the first time.
"And we are the Kings." Daddy said. "Shame on you for turning
my wife's hands into milk bottles! Double shame on you for
turning my nose into a banana. Triple shame on you for making
my Naomi and my Joe cry all day and all night. But we've fixed
you now, Wicked Witch Hazel!"
"You won't be casting anymore spells." said Naomi. "Because you
are going to the moon!"
"I'm not going to the moon!" Witch Hazel screeched so loudly that
the chimney fell on the lawn. "I'm going to turn you all into cheap
antiques that not even tourists will buy!"
"No you're not." said Joe, "because you ate the magic cookie. You
ate the magic farting cookie."
The wicked witch foamed and frothed. She tried to cast her spell.
But it was too late: the Farting Cookie had done its work. She felt a
big fart coming on. She squeezed her butt to keep it in until she
could cast her spell, but it was too late.
WHONK! Went the fart. It blew all the fur off her cat, Basta. lt
blew in the windows. And Witch Hazel went up in the air like a
rocket.
"Get me down!'' Witch Hazel screamed. Witch Hazel came down
all right. She came down on her fanny. And when the came down,
she let another fart.
DRRRRRRAPPP! Went the fart. lt was so windy it knocked down
the witch's home and the Bridgton Trading Post. You could see
Dom Cardozl sitting on the toilet where he had been pooping. It
was all that was left of the Trading Post except for one bureau that
had been made in Grand Rapids
The witch went flying up into the sky. She flew up and up until she
was as small as a speck of coal dust.
"Get me down. " Witch Hazel called, sounding very small and far
away.
"You'll come down all right." Naomi said.
Down came Witch Hazel.
"Yeeeaaahhhh'" she screamed falling out of the sky.
Just before the could hit the ground and be crushed (as maybe she
deserved), she cut another fart, the biggest one of all the smell was
like two million egg salad sandwiches. And the sound was KA-
HIONK!!!
Up she went again
"Goodbye, Witch Hazel " yelled Mommy waving. "Enjoy the
moon."
"Hope you stay a long time"' called Joe.
Up and up went Witch Hazel until she was out of sight. During the
news that night the Kings and the Prince of New Hampshire heard
Barbara Walters report that a UFW had been seen by a 74 7
airplane over Bridgton. Maine - an unidentified flying witch.
And that was the end of wicked Witch Hazel. She is on the moon
now, and probably still farting.
And the Kings are the happiest family in Bridgton again. They
often exchange visits with the Prince of New Hampshire, who is
now now King. Daddy writes books and never uses the word
banana. Mommy uses her hands more than ever. And Joe and
Naomi King hardly ever cry.
As for Witch Hazel, she was never seen again, and considering
those terrible farts she was letting when she left, that is probably a
good thing!
THE END
THE LITTLE
SISTERS OF
ELURIA
STEPHEN KING
From:
Legends: The Book Of Fantasy 1998
INTRODUCTION
The Gunslinger (1982)
The Drawing of the Three (1987)
The Waste Lands (1991)
Wizard and Glass (1997)
These novels, using thematic elements from Robert Browning's
poem 'Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came'. tell the saga of
Roland, last of the gunslingers, who embarks on a quest to find the
Dark Tower for reasons that the author has yet to reveal. Along the
way, Roland encounters the remains of what was once a thriving
society, feudal in nature but technologically quite advanced, that
now has fallen into decay and ruin. King combines elements of
fantasy with science fiction into a surreal blend of past and future.
The first book, The Gunslinger, introduces Roland, who is chasing
the Dark Man, an enigmatic sorcerer figure, across a vast desert.
Through flashbacks, the reader learns that Roland was a member
of a noble family in the Dark Tower world, and that that world
may or may not have been destroyed with help from the Dark Man.
Along the way, Roland encounters strange inhabitants of this
unnamed world, including Jake, a young boy who, even though he
is killed by the end of the first book, will figure prominently in
later volumes. Roland does catch up with the Dark Man, and learns
that he must seek out the Dark Tower to find the answers to the
questions of why he must embark on this quest and what is
contained in the Tower.
The next book, The Drawing of the Three, shows Roland recruiting
three people from present-day Earth to join him on his way to the
Dark Tower. They are Eddie, a junkie 'mule' working for the
Mafia; Suzannah, a paraplegic with multiple personalities; and
Jake, whose arrival is startling to Roland, who sacrificed Jake in
his own world during his pursuit of the Dark Man. Roland saves
Jake's life on Earth, but the resulting schism nearly drives him
insane. Roland must also help the other two battle their own
demons, Eddie's being his heroin addiction and guilt over not being
able to save his brother's life, and Suzannah's the war between her
different personalities, one a kind and gentle woman, the other a
racist psychopath. Each of the three deals with their problems with
the help of the others, and together the quartet set out on the
journey to the Tower.
The third book, The Waste Lands, chronicles the first leg of that
journey, examining the background of the three Earth-born
characters in detail. The book reaches its climax when Jake is
kidnapped by a cult thriving in the ruins of a crumbling city, led by
a man known only as Flagg (a character who has appeared in
several of King's other novels as the embodiment of pure evil).
Roland rescues Jake and the group escapes the city on a monorail
system whose artificial intelligence program has achieved
sentience at the cost of its sanity. The monorail challenges them to
a riddle-contest, with their lives as the prize if they can stump the
machine, who claims to know every riddle ever created.
Wizard and Glass, the fourth volume in the series, finds Roland,
Jake, Eddie and Suzannah continuing their journey towards the
Dark Tower, moving through a deserted part of Mid-World that is
eerily reminiscent of twentieth-century Earth. During their travels
they encounter a thinny, a dangerous weakening of the barrier
between different times and places. Roland recognizes it and
realizes that his world is breaking down faster than he had thought.
The thinny prompts him to recall the first time he encountered it,
many years before on a trip out west with his friends Cuthbert and
Alain, when Roland had just earned his gunslinger status. It is this
story - of the three boys uncovering a plot against the ruling
government and of Roland's first love, a girl named Susan Delgado