From these men, animated by selfishness, by jealousy, by greed for gain, by sentimentalism, or by hypocritical patriotism, Matius stands aloof, and stands perhaps alone. For him the death of Caesar means the loss of a friend, of a man in whom he believed. He can find no common point of sympathy either with those who rejoice in the death of the tyrant, as Cicero does, for he had not thought Caesar a tyrant, nor with those who use the name of Caesar to conjure with. We have said that he accepted no political office. He did accept an office, that of procurator, or superintendent, of the public games which Caesar had vowed on the field of Pharsalus, but which death had stepped in to prevent him from giving, and it was in the pious fulfilment of this duty which he took upon himself that he brought upon his head the anger of the "auctores libertatis," as he ironically calls them. He had grieved, too, at the death of Caesar, although "a man ought to rate the fatherland above a friend," as the liberators said. Matius took little heed of this talk. He had known of it from the outset, but it had not troubled him. Yet when it came to his ears that his friend Cicero, to whom he had been attached from boyhood, to whom he had proved his fidelity at critical moments, was among his accusers, he could not but complain bitterly of the injustice. Through a common friend, Trebatius, whose acquaintance he had made in Gaul, he expresses to Cicero the sorrow which he feels at his unkindness. What Cicero has to say in explanation of his position and in defence of himself, we can do no better than to give in his own words:
"Cicero to Matins, greeting:[145]
"I am not yet quite clear in my own mind whether our friend Trebatius,
who is as loyal as he is devoted to both of us, has brought me more
sorrow or pleasure: for I reached my Tusculan villa in the evening, and
the next day, early in the morning, he came to see me, though he had
not yet recovered his strength. When I reproved him for giving too
little heed to his health, he said that nothing was nearer his heart
than seeing me. 'There's nothing new,' say I? He told me of your
grievance against me, yet before I make any reply in regard to it, let
me state a few facts.
"As far back as I can recall the past I have no friend of longer
standing than you are; but long duration is a thing characteristic of
many friendships, while love is not. I loved you on the day I met you,
and I believed myself loved by you. Your subsequent departure, and that
too for a long time, my electoral canvass, and our different modes of
life did not allow our inclination toward one another to be
strengthened by intimacy; still I saw your feeling toward me many years
before the Civil War, while Caesar was in Gaul; for the result which you
thought would be of great advantage to me and not of disadvantage to
Caesar himself you accomplished: I mean in bringing him to love me, to
honor me, to regard me as one of his friends. Of the many confidential
communications which passed between us in those days, by word of mouth,
by letter, by message, I say nothing, for sterner times followed. At
the breaking out of the Civil War, when you were on your way toward
Brundisium to join Caesar, you came to me to my Formian villa. In the
first place, how much did that very fact mean, especially at those
times! Furthermore, do you think I have forgotten your counsel, your
words, the kindness you showed? I remember that Trebatius was there.
Nor indeed have I forgotten the letter which you sent to me after
meeting Caesar, in the district near Trebula, as I remember it. Next
came that ill-fated moment when either my regard for public opinion, or
my sense of duty, or chance, call it what you will, compelled me to go
to Pompey. What act of kindness or thoughtfulness either toward me in
my absence or toward my dear ones in Rome did you neglect? In fact,
whom have all my friends thought more devoted to me and to themselves
than you are? I came to Brundisium. Do you think I have forgotten in
what haste, as soon as you heard of it, you came hurrying to me from
Tarentum? How much your presence meant to me, your words of cheer to a
courage broken by the fear of universal disaster! Finally, our life at
Rome began. What element did our friendship lack? In most important
matters I followed your advice with reference to my relations toward
Caesar; in other matters I followed my own sense of duty. With whom but
myself, if Caesar be excepted, have you gone so far as to visit his
house again and again, and to spend there many hours, oftentimes in the
most delightful discourse? It was then too, if you remember, that you
persuaded me to write those philosophical essays of mine. After his
return, what purpose was more in your thoughts than to have me as good
a friend of Caesar as possible? This you accomplished at once.
"What is the point, then, of this discourse, which is longer than I had
intended it should be? This is the point, that I have been surprised
that you, who ought to see these things, have believed that I have
taken any step which is out of harmony with our friendly relations, for
beside these facts which I have mentioned, which are undisputed and
self-evident facts, there are many more intimate ties of friendship
which I can scarcely put in words. Everything about you charms me, but
most of all, on the one hand, your perfect loyalty in matters of
friendship, your wisdom, dignity, steadfastness; on the other hand,
your wit, refinement, and literary tastes.
"Wherefore-now I come back to the grievance-in the first place, I did
not think that you had voted for that law; in the second place, if I
had thought so, I should never have thought that you had done it
without some sufficient reason. Your position makes whatever you do
noticeable; furthermore, envy puts some of your acts in a worse light
than the facts warrant. If you do not hear these rumors I do not know
what to say. So far as I am concerned, if I ever hear them I defend you
as I know that I am always defended by you against my detractors.
And my defence follows two lines: there are some things which I always
deny in toto, as, for instance, the statement in regard to that very
vote; there are other acts of yours which I maintain were dictated by
considerations of affection and kindness, as, for instance, your action
with reference to the management of the games. But it does not escape
you, with all your wisdom, that, if Caesar was a king-which seems to me