SCENE II
TRILETSKY and then VOINITSEV.
TRILETSKY (inspects the money). Smells of peasant . . . He’s been robbing people blind, the scum! What can I do with it? (to Vasily and Yakov.) Hey, you hired hands! Vasily, call Yakov over here. Yakov, call Vasily over here! Crawl over here! Step lively!
YAKOV and VASILY walk over to Triletsky.
They’re in tailcoats! Ah, what the hell! You’re the spittin’ image of your betters! (Gives Yakov a ruble.) Here’s a ruble for you! (To Vasily.) Here’s a ruble for you! That’s because you’ve got long noses.
YAKOV and VASILY (bow). Much obliged, Nikolay Ivanych!
TRILETSKY. What’s wrong with you, you Slav slaves, wobbly on your legs? Drunk? Drunk as owls, the pair of you? You’ll catch it from the General’s lady, if she finds out! She’ll smack your ugly kissers! (Gives them each another ruble.) Here’s another ruble for you! That’s because your name is Yakov and his is Vasily, and not the other way ‘round. Take a bow!
YAKOV and VASILY bow.
Very good! And here’s another ruble for each of you because my name is Nikolay Ivanych, and not Ivan Nikolaevich! (Gives them more.) Take a bow! That’s it! Make sure you don’t spend it on drink! Or I’ll prescribe you bitter medicine! You are the spittin’ image of your betters! Go and light the lanterns! March! I’ve had enough of you!
YAKOV and VASILY walk away. VOINITSEV crosses the stage.
(To Voinitsev.) Here’s three rubles for you!
VOINITSEV takes the money, automatically puts it in his pocket and walks far upstage.
You might say thank you!
IVAN IVANOVICH and SASHA enter from the house.
SCENE III
TRILETSKY, IVAN IVANOVICH, and SASHA.
SASHA (entering). My God! When will it all end? And why hast Thou punished me this way? This one’s drunk, Nikolay’s drunk, so is Misha . . . At least have some fear of God, you shameless creatures, even if you don’t care what people think! Everybody’s staring at you! How, how can I show my face, when everyone’s pointing a finger at you!
IVAN IVANOVICH. That’s wrong, that’s wrong! Hold on . . . You’ve got me confused . . . Hold on . . .
SASHA. It’s impossible to take you to a respectable house. You’ve barely walked in the door and you’re already drunk! Ooh, you’re a disgrace! And an old man at that! You ought to set an example for them, and not drink with them!
IVAN IVANOVICH. Hold on, hold on . . . You’ve got me confused . . . What was I on about? Oh yes! And I’m not lying, Sasha girl! Believe you me! If I’d served another five years, I would’ve been a general! So you don’t think I’d have been a general? Shame! . . . (Roars with laughter.) With my temperament and not be a general? With my upbringing? You haven’t got a clue in that case . . . It means you haven’t got a clue . . .
SASHA. Let’s go! Generals don’t drink like this.
IVAN IVANOVICH. When they’re high-spirited, everybody drinks!! I would have been a general! And you shut up, do me a favor! Take after your mother! Yap-yap-yap . . . Good Lord, honest to God! She never let up, day and night, night and day . . . This isn’t right, that isn’t right . . . Yap-yap-yap . . . what was I on about? Oh yes! And you take after your late mother every which way, my teeny-weeny! All over . . . All . . . Your little eyes, and your pretty hair . . . And she waddled the same way, like a gosling . . . (Kisses her.) My angel! You’re your late mother every which way . . . Awful how I loved that poor woman! I didn’t look after her, old Fool Ivanych Merrymaker!
SASHA. That’s enough out of you . . . Let’s go! Seriously, papa . . . It’s time you gave up drinking and making scenes. Leave it to those roughnecks . . . They’re young, and besides it’s out of keeping for an old man like you, honestly . . .
IVAN IVANOVICH. I obey, my dear! I understand! I won’t . . . I obey . . . Yes indeed, yes indeed . . . I understand . . . What was I on about?
TRILETSKY (to Ivan Ivanovich). For you, your honor, a hundred kopeks! (Gives him a ruble.)
IVAN IVANOVICH. All right, sir . . . I’ll take it, my son! Merci . . . I wouldn’t take it from a stranger, but I’ll always take from my son . . . I’ll take it and rejoice . . . I don’t like strangers’ bank accounts, my dear children. God help me, I really don’t like ‘em! Honest, children! Your father’s honest! Not once in my life have I robbed either the nation or my household! And all I had to do was stick the tip of a finger in a certain place, and I would have been rich and famous!
TRILETSKY. Praiseworthy, but there’s no need to boast, Father!
IVAN IVANOVICH. I’m not boasting, Nikolay! I’m teaching you, my children! I’m instructing . . . We’ve got to answer for you before the Lord!
TRILETSKY. Where are you off to?
IVAN IVANOVICH. Home. I’m driving this buzzing bee home . . . Take me home, take me home . . . She made me promise . . . So I’ll drive her home. She’s afraid on her own . . . I’ll drive her home, and come back again.
TRILETSKY. Naturally, come back. (To Sasha.) Should I give some to you too? This is for you, and this is for you! A three-spot! A three-spot for you!
SASHA. Add another two while you’re at it. I’ll buy Misha some summer trousers, otherwise he’ll only have one pair. And there’s nothing worse than having only one! When they’re in the wash, he has to wear the heavyweight ones . . .
TRILETSKY. I wouldn’t give him anything, summer or heavyweight, if it were up to me: he can walk around you-know-how! But what’s to be done with you? Here, take another two! (Gives her money.)
IVAN IVANOVICH. What was I on about? Oh yes . . . Now I remember . . . All right . . . I served on the general staff, my children . . . I fought the foe-man with my wits, spilled Turkish blood42 with my brains . . . Never had any use for cold steel, no, no use at all . . . All right . . .
SASHA. Why are we standing around? It’s high time. Good-bye, Kolya! Let’s go, papa!
IVAN IVANOVICH. Hold on! Shut up, for Christ’s sake! Cheep-cheep-cheep . . . It’s like an aviary! This is how you should live, my children! Honorably, nobly, irreproachably . . . All right, all right . . . I got the Vladimir third class . . .43
SASHA. That’s enough out of you, papa! Let’s go!
TRILETSKY. We know, without the speechifying, what sort of man you are . . . Go on, drive her home!
IVAN IVANOVICH. You are the cleverest fellow, Nikolay! A regular Pirogov!44
TRILETSKY. Go on, go on . . .
IVAN IVANOVICH. What was I on about? Oh yes . . . I met Pirogov . . . Once when I was in Kiev45. . . All right, all right . . . The cleverest fellow . . . Not standoffish . . . Now I’m going . . . Let’s go, Sashurka! I’ve got weak, children . . . Ready for the last rites . . . Ugh, Lord, forgive us sinners! We have sinned, we have sinned . . . All right, all right . . . I’m a sinner, dear children! Now I serve Mammon, and when I was young I didn’t pray to God. Nobody drove a harder bargain than me . . . Materialism! Stuff and Craft!46 Ah, Lord . . . All right . . . Pray, dear children, that I don’t die! Have you gone already, Sashurochka? Where are you? That’s where you are . . . Let’s go . . .