ANNA PETROVNA looks out a window.
TRILETSKY. And won’t budge from the spot . . . Poor guy’s let his tongue run away with him . . . Well, go on! Don’t go by the mill, the dogs will nip at you.
SASHA. Kolya, you’ve got his cap on . . . Give it to him or he’ll catch cold . . .
TRILETSKY (takes off the cap and puts it on his father). Forward march, old fella! Left face . . . march!
IVAN IVANOVICH. Le-e-ft face! All right, all right . . . You’re right, Nikolay! God knows you’re right! And Mikhailo, my son-in-law, is right! A freethinker, but right! I’m going, I’m going . . . (They go.) Let’s go, Sasha . . . You going? Let me carry you!
SASHA. More of your nonsense!
IVAN IVANOVICH. Let me carry you! I always carried your mother . . . Used to carry her, though I’d be weaving back and forth . . . Once the two of us came tumbling down a hill . . . Only burst out laughing, the love, didn’t get angry at all . . . Let me carry you!
SASHA. Don’t make things up . . . Put your cap on straight. (Straightens his cap.) You’re still a splendid fellow to us!
IVAN IVANOVICH. All right, all right . . .
They exit. Enter PETRIN and SHCHERBUK.
SCENE IV
TRILETSKY, PETRIN, and SHCHERBUK.
PETRIN (comes out of the house arm in arm with Shcherbuk). Put down fifty thousand in front of me, and I’ll steal it . . . Word of honor, I’ll steal it . . . Just so long as nobody catches me . . . I’ll steal it . . . Put it down in front of you, and you’d steal it.
SHCHERBUK. I wouldn’t steal it, Gerasya! No!
PETRIN. Put down a ruble, and I’ll steal the ruble! Honest to goodness! Feh, feh! Who wants your honesty? An honest man is a stupid man . . .
SHCHERBUK. I’m a stupid man . . . Let me be a stupid man . . .
TRILETSKY. Here’s a ruble for each of you, elders of the tribe! (Gives each of them a ruble.)
PETRIN (takes the money). Let’s have it . . .
SHCHERBUK (roars with laughter and takes the money). Merci, Mister Doctor!
TRILETSKY. Bubbling over with the bubbly, respected gents?
PETRIN. A bit . . .
TRILETSKY. And here’s another ruble for each of you for a mass for your souls! You’re sinners, right? Take it! What you deserve is a turd apiece, but seeing it’s a party . . . I’m feeling generous, damn it all!
ANNA PETROVNA (out the window). Triletsky, give me a ruble too! (Hides.)
TRILETSKY. You get not one ruble, but five rubles, Major-General Widow! Right away! (Exits into the house.)
PETRIN (looks at the window). So the fairy is in hiding?
SHCHERBUK (looks at the window). She’s in hiding.
PETRIN. Can’t stand her! A bad woman! Too much pride . . . A woman ought to be modest, respectful . . . (Shakes his head.) Seen Glagolyev? There’s another tailor’s dummy! He sits in one spot, like a mushroom, keeps his mouth shut and bugs his eyes! Is that the way to woo the ladies?
SHCHERBUK. He’ll get married!
PETRIN. When will he get married? In a hundred years? Thank you kindly! In a hundred years I don’t need it.
SHCHERBUK. He doesn’t have to get married, Gerasya, he’s an old man . . . He should marry, if he absolutely has to, some little dimwit . . . And he’s not right for her . . . She’s young, high-spirited, a European lady, educated . . .
PETRIN. If only he would get married! I mean I want this so much I can’t find the words! After all, they got literally nothing from the death of the late General, may he rest in peace! She’s got the mines, but Vengerovich has been angling for them . . . How can I contend with Vengerovich? What can I get for their I.O.U.s now? If I call them in now, how much will I get?
SHCHERBUK. Nihil.47
PETRIN. But if she marries Glagolyev, then I know what I’ll get . . . I’ll call in the I.O.U.s right away, force the sale of their property . . . No chance she’ll let her stepson be ruined, she’ll pay up! Eh-yeh-ugh! Come true, my dreams! Sixteen thousand, Pavochka!
SHCHERBUK. Three thousand of them mine . . . My battle-axe demands that I get it back . . . How can I get it? I don’t know how to get it . . . They’re not peasants . . . They’re friends . . . Let her come here herself and get it . . . Let’s go, Gerasya, to the servants’ quarters!
PETRIN. What for?
SHCHERBUK. To whisper ballads to the lady’s polonaise . . .
PETRIN. Is Dunyasha in the servants’ quarters?
SHCHERBUK. She is. (They go.) It’s more fun there . . . (Sings.) “Ah, unhappy is my lot, for no more do I dwell there!”
PETRIN. Tick-tock, tick-tock . . . (Shouts.) Yes, sir! (Sings.) “The new year merrily we’ll greet in true friends’ company . . .”
They exit.
SCENE V
VOINITSEV and SOFYA YEGOROVNA enter from the garden upstage.
VOINITSEV. What are you thinking about?
SOFYA YEGOROVNA. I really don’t know . . .
VOINITSEV. You spurn my help . . . Aren’t I in a position to help you? What are these secrets, Sophie? Secrets from your husband . . . Hm . . .
They sit down.
SOFYA YEGOROVNA. What secrets? I don’t know myself what’s going on inside me . . . Don’t torture yourself for no reason, Sergey! Don’t pay any attention to my moods . . .
Pause.
Let’s get away from here, Sergey!
VOINITSEV. From here?
SOFYA YEGOROVNA. Yes.
VOINITSEV. What for?
SOFYA YEGOROVNA. I want to . . . Let’s go abroad. Shall we?
VOINITSEV. If you want to . . . But what for?
SOFYA YEGOROVNA. It’s nice here, healthy, fun, but I just can’t . . . Everything’s going along nicely, happily, only . . . we have to leave. You gave your word not to ask questions.
VOINITSEV. We’ll leave tomorrow . . . Tomorrow we won’t be here any more! (Kisses her hand.) You’re bored here! That’s understandable! I understand you! It’s a hell of an environment! Petrins, Shcherbuks . . .
SOFYA YEGOROVNA. It’s not their fault . . . Leave them out of it.
Pause.
VOINITSEV. Why is it you women always get so broody? What’s there to brood about? (Kisses his wife’s cheek.) Enough! Cheer up! Live as long as you’re alive! Why not give your brooding the brush-off, as Platonov would say? Aha! Platonov’s just the thing! Why don’t you talk to him more often? He’s not a shallow person, badly educated, or overly boring! Have a heart-to-heart with him, get it off your chest! He’ll soon cure you of your brooding! Talk to mama more often, and Triletsky . . . (Laughs.) Have a good talk, and don’t look down your nose at them! You still haven’t figured out these people . . . I commend them to you because these people are my kind of people. I love them. You’ll love them too when you get to know them better.