VOINITSEV’S VOICE. Maman, where are you? Platonov!
PLATONOV. I guess I’ll go over there too, damn it . . . (Shouts.) Sergey Pavlovich, wait, don’t set them off without me! Send Yakov to me, pal, for the balloon! (Runs into the garden.)
ANNA PETROVNA (runs out of the house). Wait, all of you! Sergey, wait, not everybody’s here yet! Shoot off the cannon in the meantime! (To Sofya.) Come along, Sophie! Why so down in the mouth?
PLATONOV’S VOICE. Over here, my little lady! We’ll strike up the old song, and not start a new one!
ANNA PETROVNA. I’m coming, moan share!55 (Runs out.)
PLATONOV’S VOICE. Who’s coming with me in the boat? Sofya Yegorovna, don’t you want to come on the river with me?
SOFYA YEGOROVNA. To go or not to go? (Thinks.)
TRILETSKY (enters). Hey! Where are you? (Sings.) I’m coming, I’m coming! (He stares fixedly at Sofya Yegorovna.)
SOFYA YEGOROVNA. What do you want?
TRILETSKY. Nothing, ma’am . . .
SOFYA YEGOROVNA. Well, then get away from here! I’m not in the mood today to converse or listen . . .
TRILETSKY. I know, I know . . .
Pause.
For some reason I have this awful desire to run a finger down your forehead: what is it made of? A burning desire! . . . Not to insult you, but just . . . to put my mind at ease . . .
SOFYA YEGOROVNA. Clown! (Turns away.) You’re not a comedian, but a clown, a buffoon!
TRILETSKY. Yes . . . A clown . . . My clowning earns me my grub from the general’s lady . . . Yes indeed, ma’am . . . And pocket money . . . And when they’re fed up with me, they’ll kick me off the premises in disgrace. It’s the truth I’m telling, isn’t it, ma’am? However, I’m not the only one saying it . . . Even you said it, when you chose to call on Glagolyev, that freemason of our times . . .
SOFYA YEGOROVNA. All right, all right . . . I’m glad you’ve heard about it . . . Now, you see, it means I am able to tell the difference between clowns and true wits! If you were an actor, you would be the favorite of the gallery, but the expensive seats would hiss you . . . I hiss you.
TRILETSKY. The witticism is successful to a supernatural degree . . . Praiseworthy . . . I am honored to make my bow! (Bows.) Till our next pleasant meeting! I would go on bandying words with you, but . . . I’m tongue-tied, struck dumb! (Goes upstage to the garden.)
SOFYA YEGOROVNA (stamps her foot). The scoundrel! He has no idea of my opinion of him! Trivial little man!
PLATONOV’S VOICE. Who’ll come on the river with me?
SOFYA YEGOROVNA. Oh, well . . . Whatever will be will be! (Shouts.) I’m coming! (Runs off.)
SCENE XX
GLAGOLYEV SR. and GLAGOLYEV JR. enter from the house.
GLAGOLYEV SR. That’s a lie! That’s a lie, you vicious little brat!
GLAGOLYEV JR. Don’t be silly! What’s my motive for lying? Ask her yourself, if you don’t believe me! As soon as you left, on that very same bench I whispered a few words to her, put my arms around her, planted a juicy one on her . . . At first she asked for three thousand, well, uh, I got her to lower it to a thousand! So give me a thousand rubles!
GLAGOLYEV SR. Kirill, a woman’s honor is at stake! Don’t besmirch that honor, she is sacred! Keep quiet!
GLAGOLYEV JR. I swear on my honor! You don’t believe me? I swear by all that’s holy! Give me the thousand rubles! I’ll bring her the thousand right now . . .
GLAGOLYEV SR. This is horrible . . . You’re lying! She was joking with you, with a fool!
GLAGOLYEV JR. But . . . I put my arms around her, I tell you! What’s so surprising about that? All women are like that nowadays! Don’t believe in their innocence! I know them! And you wanted to get married again! (Roars with laughter.)
GLAGOLYEV SR. For God’s sake, Kirill! Do you know the meaning of slander?
GLAGOLYEV JR. Give me a thousand rubles! I’ll hand them over to her before your very eyes! On this very bench I held her in my arms, kissed her, and made her lower her price . . . I swear! What more do you need? That’s why I chased you away, so that I could bargain with her! He doesn’t believe that I’m able to win over a woman! Offer her two thousand, and she’s yours! I know women, pal!
GLAGOLYEV SR. (pulls his billfold out of his pocket and throws it on the ground). Take it!
GLAGOLYEV JR. picks up the billfold and counts the money.
VOINITSEV’S VOICE. I’m going to begin! Maman, fire! Triletsky, climb on to the gazebo! Who stepped on that box? You!
TRILETSKY’S VOICE. I’m climbing, damn it all! (Roars with laughter.) Who is that? Bugrov’s been squashed! I stepped on Bugrov’s head! Where’re the matches?
GLAGOLYEV JR. (aside). I am avenged! (Shouts.) Hoo-oo-ray! (Runs out.)
TRILETSKY. Who’s howling out there? Give it to him in the neck!
VOINITSEV’S VOICE. Shall we begin?
GLAGOLYEV SR. (clutches his head). My God! The depravity! The iniquity! I worshiped her! Forgive her, Lord! (Sits on a bench and hides his face in his hands.)
VOINITSEV’S VOICE. Who took the fuse? Maman, aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Where’s my fuse, the one that was lying here?
ANNA PETROVNA’S VOICE. Here it is, scatterbrain!
GLAGOLYEV SR. tumbles off the bench.
ANNA PETROVNA’S VOICE. You! Who are you! Don’t hang around here! (Shouts.) Hand it over! Hand it over!
SOFYA YEGOROVNA runs in.
SCENE XXI
SOFYA YEGOROVNA (alone).
SOFYA YEGOROVNA (pale, with her hair in disarray). I can’t! It’s too much, beyond my strength! (Clutches her breast.) My ruin or . . . happiness! It’s stifling here! . . . He will either ruin me, or . . . be the harbinger of a new life! I welcome, I bless . . . you . . . new life! I’ve come to a decision!
VOINITSEV’S VOICE (shouts). Watch out!
Fireworks.
TABLEAU TWO
A forest. A railroad cutting. At the start of the cutting, on the left side a schoolhouse. Alongside the cutting, which disappears into the distance, stretches a railroad track, which takes a right turn near the school. A row of telegraph poles. Night.
SCENE I
SASHA (sits in an open window) and OSIP (with a rifle on his back, stands in front of the window).
OSIP. How did it happen? Couldn’t be simpler . . . I’m walking along a ravine, not far from here, I see her standing in a little gully: she’s tucked up her dress and with a burdock leaf she’s scooping up water from a stream. Scoops and drinks, scoops and drinks, and then wets her head . . . I slide down, walk close up and stare at her . . . She pays me no mind: fool, it’s like, you’re a peasant, it’s like, why should I give you a second thought? “Ma’am,” says I, “your excellency, I figure you want a drink of nice cold water?” — “And what business is it of yours,” says she. “Go back where you came from!” That’s what she says and don’t look at me . . . I got bashful . . . Shame came all over me, and I was embarrassed that I’m of the peasant persuasion . . . “Why are you looking at me, nitwit? Never seen people before,” says she, “or what?” And she looked me through and through . . . “Or do you like what you see,” says she. — “I like it like crazy,” says I. “Someone like you, your excellency, a noble, refined critter, what a beauty . . . A woman more beautiful than you,” says I, “I never seen in all my born days . . . Our village beauty Manka, the constable’s daughter,” says I, “next to you looks like a horse, a camel . . . You got so much refinement! If I could kiss you,” says I, “I think I’d drop down dead.” She bursts out laughing . . . “Is that so,” says she. “Kiss me, if you feel like it!” When I heard them words a fire ran through me. I walked up to her, took her nice as you please by her pretty shoulder and kissed her hard as I could right here, on this here spot, on the cheek and neck in one go . . .