PLATONOV. Word of honor . . . Swear to God! . . . We’ll go!
SOFYA YEGOROVNA (laughs). I believe you, I do! Come even earlier . . . I’ll be ready before ten o’clock . . . And we’ll ride away tonight! We’ll start to live, Michel! You don’t understand your own happiness, you silly man! This really is our happiness, our life! . . . Tomorrow you will be another man, a fresh one, a new one! We shall breathe new air, new blood will flow in our veins . . . (Laughs out loud.) Off with you, decrepit man! Here’s my hand! Squeeze it hard! (Offers her hand.)
PLATONOV kisses her hand.
SOFYA YEGOROVNA. Be sure to come, you big clumsy oaf! I shall be waiting . . . Don’t brood . . . Good-bye for now! It won’t take long to pack! . . . (Kisses him.)
PLATONOV. Good-bye . . . Was that eleven or ten?
SOFYA YEGOROVNA. Ten . . . Come even earlier! Good-bye! Dress more respectably for the trip . . . (Laughs.) I’ve got a little money . . . We’ll have supper on the way . . . Good-bye! I’ll go and pack . . . Be happy! I’ll be waiting at ten o’clock! (Runs out.)
SCENE II
PLATONOV (alone).
PLATONOV (after a pause.) The same old tune . . . I’ve heard it a million times . . .
Pause.
I’ll write letters to him and Sasha . . . Let them have a good cry, forgive and forget! . . . Good-bye, Voinitsevka! Good-bye, all! Sasha and the General’s lady . . . (Opens the cupboard.) Tomorrow I’ll be a new man . . . Brand spanking new! What’ll I put my shirts in? I haven’t got a suitcase . . . (Pours wine.) Good-bye, schoolhouse! (Drinks.) Good-bye, my little brats! Your wicked, but soft-hearted Mikhail Vasilich is disappearing! Did I just have a drink? What for? I won’t drink any more . . . This is the last time . . . I’ll sit down and write to Sasha . . . (Lies down on the sofa.) Sofya sincerely believes . . . Blessed are the believers! . . . Laugh, General’s lady! And the General’s lady actually will have a good laugh! She’ll die laughing! . . . Yes! I think there was a letter from her . . . Where is it? (Gets a letter from the windowsill.) The hundredth letter, if not the two-hundredth since that crazy night . . . (Reads.) “Platonov, since you have not answered my letters, you are a tactless, cruel, stupid ignoramus! If you ignore this letter too, and do not pay me a visit, then, come what may, I shall pay you a visit, damn you! I have been waiting all day. It’s stupid, Platonov! Someone might think you were ashamed of that night. Let’s forget it, if that’s the case! Sergey and Sofya are behaving abominably—the honeymoon, sticky with wild honey, is over. And all because a certain silver-tongued little dunderhead doesn’t visit them. You are the little dunderhead. See you soon!”
Pause.
What handwriting! Precise, bold . . . Commas, periods, perfect spelling— everything in its place . . . A woman who can write correctly is a rare phenomenon . . .
Enter MARKO.
I’ll have to write her a letter, otherwise she’ll come here, heaven help us . . . (On seeing Marko.) A phenomenon . . .
SCENE III
PLATONOV and MARKO.
PLATONOV. Please come in! Who are you looking for? (Gets up.)
MARKO. Your honor . . . (Pulls a summons out of his satchel.) A little summons for your grace . . .
PLATONOV. Ah . . . How nice. What kind of summons? Who sent you?
MARKO. Ivan Andreich, the justice of the peace, sir . . .
PLATONOV. Hm . . . the justice? What does he want with me? Hand it over! (Takes the summons.) I don’t understand . . . An invitation to a christening or what? Fertile as a fruit fly, the old sinner! (Reads.) “In his status as defendant charged with an offense against Mariya Yefimovna, daughter of state councillor Grekov.” (Roars with laughter.) Why, I’ll be damned! Bravo! I’ll be damned! Bravo, essence of bedbug! When will the case come to trial? Day after tomorrow? I’ll be there, I’ll be there . . . Tell them I’ll be there, old-timer . . . A clever girl, honest to God, a clever girl! Attagirl! Should have done it a long time ago!
MARKO. Please affix your signature, sir!
PLATONOV. My signature? Happy to . . . Pal, you look an awful lot like a wounded duck!
MARKO. Not at all, sir . . .
PLATONOV (sits at the table). What do you look like then?
MARKO. I look like God’s image, sir . . .
PLATONOV. If you say so . . . Served under Tsar Nicholas?76
MARKO. Right you are . . . After the Sebastopol campaign77 I was retired. Active duty over, I spent four years in the infirmary . . . A non-com . . . I was in the artillery, sir . . .
PLATONOV. If you say so . . . Were the cannons any good?
MARKO. Nothin’ special . . . Round bore . . .
PLATONOV. Got a pencil?
MARKO. I do, sir . . . I received this summons there and there. Name and surname.
PLATONOV (rises). Take it. I signed five times. What’s your justice of the peace like? Gambles?
MARKO. Right you are.
PLATONOV. From five P.M. to five A.M.?
MARKO. Right you are.
PLATONOV. Gambled away his chain of office yet?
MARKO. Not yet, sir.
PLATONOV. Tell him . . . Actually, don’t tell him anything . . . Naturally, he doesn’t pay his card debts . . . He plays cards, the idiot, runs up debts, and has a whole litter of children . . . She really is a clever girl, honest to God! Never expected this, definitely never expected this! Who are the witnesses? Who else is getting a subpoena?
MARKO (riffles through the summonses and reads). “Doctor Nikolay Ivanych Triletsky, sir” . . .
PLATONOV. Triletsky? (Roars with laughter.) They’re putting on a comedy! Who else?
MARKO (reads). “Mister Kirill Porfirich Glagolyev, sir, Mister Alfons Ivanych Shrifter, his honor Retired Guards Cornet Maksim Yegorych Aleutov, sir, the son of Actual State Councilor High-school Student Mister Ivan Talié, Degree Candidate of St. Petersburg Neversity . . . .
PLATONOV. Is it written down “Neversity?”
MARKO. Not at all, sir . . .
PLATONOV. Then why did you read it that way?
MARKO. Out of ignorance, sir . . . (Reads.) “. . . uni . . . uni . . . neversity Mister Sergey Pavlych . . . Pavlovich Voinitsev, the wife of degree candidate of St. Petersburg uni . . . neversity Mrs. Sofya Yegorovna Voinitseva, Student of Kharkov University Mister Isak Abramych Vengerovich.” That’s all, sir!
PLATONOV. Hm . . . It’s the day after tomorrow, but tomorrow I have to go away . . . What a pity. I can imagine what the trial would be like . . . Hm . . . What a nuisance! I would have enjoyed it . . . (Walks around the stage.) A nuisance!
MARKO. How’s about a tip from your honor . . .
PLATONOV. Huh?