"I understand you have four children now -"
"Actually three, plus a fourth on the way. Listen, that fourth, Doctor, is vital to me; according to Mendel's Law it's a full-blooded Terran and by God I'm doing everything in my power to get custody of it." He added, "Vivian – you remember her – is now back on Titan. Among her own people, where she belongs. And I'm putting some of the finest doctors I can get on my payroll to stabilize me; I'm tired of this constant reverting, night and day; I've got too much to do for such nonsense."
Dr. Jones said, "From your tone I can see you're an important, busy man, Mr. Munster. You've certainly risen in the world, since I saw you last."
"Get to the point," George said impatiently. "Why'd you call?"
"I, um, thought perhaps I could bring you and Vivian together again."
"Bah," George said contemptuously. "That woman? Never. Listen, Doctor, I have to ring off; we're in the process of finalizing on some basic business strategy, here at Munster, Incorporated."
"Mr. Munster," Dr. Jones asked, "is there another woman?"
"There's another Blobel," George said, "if that's what you mean." And he hung up the phone. Two Blobels are better than none, he said to himself. And now back to business… He pressed a button on his desk and at once Miss Nolan put her head into the office. "Miss Nolan," George said, "get me Hank Ramarau; I want to find out -"
"Mr. Ramarau is waiting on the other line," Miss Nolan said. "He says it's urgent."
Switching to the other line, George said, "Hi, Hank. What's up?"
"I've just discovered," his top legal advisor said, "that to operate your factory on Io you must be a citizen of Titan."
"We ought to be able to fix that up," George said.
"But to be a citizen of Titan -" Ramarau hesitated. "I'll break it to you easy as I can, George. You have to be a Blobel."
"Dammit, I am a Blobel," George said. "At least part of the time. Won't that do?"
"No," Ramarau said, "I checked into that, knowing of your affliction, and it's got to be one hundred percent of the time. Night and day."
"Hmmm," George said. "This is bad. But we'll overcome it, somehow. Listen, Hank, I've got an appointment with Eddy Fullbright, my medical coordinator; I'll talk to you after, okay?" He rang off and then sat scowling and rubbing his jaw. Well, he decided, if it has to be it has to be. Facts are facts, and we can't let them stand in our way.
Picking up the phone he dialed his doctor, Eddy Fullbright.
The twenty-dollar platinum coin rolled down the chute and tripped the circuit. Dr. Jones came on, glanced up and saw a stunning, sharp-breasted young woman whom it recognized – by means of a quick scan of its memory banks – as Mrs. George Munster, the former Vivian Arrasmith.
"Good day, Vivian," Dr. Jones said cordially. "But I understood you were on Titan." It rose to its feet, offering her a chair.
Dabbing at her large, dark eyes, Vivian sniffled, "Doctor, everything is collapsing around me. My husband is having an affair with another woman… all I know is that her name is Nina and all the boys down at VUW Headquarters are talking about it. Presumably she's a Terran. We're both filing for divorce. And we're having a dreadful legal battle over the children." She arranged her coat modestly. "I'm expecting. Our fourth."
"This I know," Dr. Jones said. "A full-blooded Terran this time, if Mendel's Law holds… although it only applied to litters."
Mrs. Munster said miserably, "I've been on Titan talking to legal and medical experts, gynecologists, and especially marital guidance counselors; I've had all sorts of advice during the past month. Now I'm back on Terra but I can't find George – he's gone!"
"I wish I could help you, Vivian," Dr. Jones said. "I talked to your husband briefly, the other day, but he spoke only in generalities… evidently he's such a big tycoon now that it's hard to approach him."
"And to think," Vivian sniffled, "that he achieved it all because of an idea I gave him. A Blobel idea."
"The ironies of fate," Dr. Jones said. "Now, if you want to keep your husband, Vivian -"
"I'm determined to keep him, Doctor Jones. Frankly I've undergone therapy on Titan, the latest and most expensive… it's because I love George so much, even more than I love my own people or my planet."
"Eh?" Dr. Jones said.
"Through the most modern developments in medical science in the Sol System," Vivian said, "I've been stabilized, Doctor Jones. Now I am in human form twenty-four hours a day instead of eighteen. I've renounced my natural form in order to keep my marriage with George."
"The supreme sacrifice," Dr. Jones said, touched.
"Now, if I can only find him, Doctor -"
At the ground-breaking ceremonies on Io, George Munster flowed gradually to the shovel, extended a pseudopodium, seized the shovel, and with it managed to dig a symbolic amount of soil. "This is a great day," he boomed hollowly, by means of the semblance of a vocal apparatus into which he had fashioned the slimy, plastic substance which made up his unicellular body.
"Right, George," Hank Ramarau agreed, standing nearby with the legal documents.
The Ionan official, like George a great transparent blob, oozed across to Ramarau, took the documents and boomed, "These will be transmitted to my government. I'm sure they're in order, Mr. Ramarau."
"I guarantee you," Ramarau said to the official, "Mr. Munster does not revert to human form at any time; he's made use of some of the most advanced techniques in medical science to achieve this stability at the unicellular phase of his former rotation. Munster would never cheat."
"This historic moment," the great blob that was George Munster thought-radiated to the throng of local Blobels attending the ceremonies, "means a higher standard of living for Ionans who will be employed; it will bring prosperity to this area, plus a proud sense of national achievement in the manufacture of what we recognize to be a native invention, the Munster Magic Magnetic Belt."
The throng of Blobels thought-radiated cheers.
"This is a proud day in my life," George Munster informed them, and began to ooze by degrees back to his car, where his chauffeur waited to drive him to his permanent hotel room at Io City.
Someday he would own the hotel. He was putting the profits from his business in local real estate; it was the patriotic – and the profitable – thing to do, other Ionans, other Blobels, had told him.
"I'm finally a successful man," George Munster thought-radiated to all close enough to pick up his emanations.
Amid frenzied cheers he oozed up the ramp and into his Titan-made car.
Notes
All notes in italics are by Philip K. Dick. The year when the note was written appears in parentheses following the note. Most of these notes were written as story notes for the collections THE BEST OF PHILIP K. DICK (published 1977) and THE GOLDEN MAN (published 1980). A few were written at the request of editors publishing or reprinting a PKD story in a book or magazine.
When there is a date following the name of a story, it is the date the manuscript of that story was first received by Dick's agent, per the records of the Scott Meredith Literary Agency. Absence of a date means no record is available. The name of a magazine followed by a month and year indicates the first published appearance of a story. An alternate name following a story indicates Dick's original name for the story, as shown in the agency records.
These five volumes include all of Philip K. Dick's short fiction, with the exception of short novels later published as or included in novels, childhood writings, and unpublished writings for which manuscripts have not been found. The stories are arranged as closely as possible in chronological order of composition; research for this chronology was done by Gregg Rickman and Paul Williams.