4. Government. They need us to govern the country. This is the most important task of all. The politicians have no training for it, no qualifications, no experience. And no interest in it either.
5. Pretence. Finally, they need us to keep up the pretence that they are making all the decisions and we are only carrying out their orders. This is why they take a lot of the work off our shoulders, such as:
a) ceremonial banquets;
b) unveilings;
c) launchings;
d) official openings;
3) foreign delegations, etc.
They do all of that work and leave us free for what we do best.
Therefore, politicians have no real wish to reform the Civil Service. Under our present political system we do precisely what the system requires of us. We do everything they need. And we do it, if I may say so, brilliantly.
So therefore it must follow as does night the day that if the prime Minister wants to reform the Civil Service he would have to start by reforming the political system.
But how can he? It is the system that has got him where he is. You do not kick away the ladder you climbed up on. Especially when youre still standing on it.
The fact that he proposed this when he was in Opposition all those years ago is completely understandable. Oppositions always want to change the system that is keeping them out of office. But once they are in office they want to keep it. For instance, no one in office has ever wanted to change our electoral system to proportional representation. And although every Opposition pledges itself to repeal the Official Secrets Act, no government has ever done so.
In conclusion, Bernard, it is our duty to ensure that the Prime Minister comes to see things this way. It is not for his own good. And we are not without allies: Professor Marriott himself, and Agnes Moorhouse, as you will see.
Yours ever,
Humphrey
[Bernard Woolley kept the letter safely, and it became one of his articles of faith as he strove in later years to help Ministers, and indeed Prime Ministers, understand their proper role.
While he puzzled long and hard over Sir Humphreys final paragraph, not understanding how Professor Marriott and Agnes Moorhouse -- of all people -- could be allies in this situation, Sir Humphrey had a second meeting with Ms Moorhouse. He made a brief note about it in his private diary Ed.]
Tuesday 13 November
I met Ms Moorhouse again today. I was determined to be courteous, no matter what. So when, after I thanked her for giving up her time, she replied, Wasting it, you mean? I did not rise to the bait.
On the contrary, I told her the plain truth: that the Prime Minister is so worried about her attitude to the police that he is proposing a wholesale reform of local government. Namely:
i) street representatives
ii) voting communities of 200 households (average)
iii) selection of local authority candidates by the whole electorate.
I gave her a paper to read which gave the plan in full detail. She was horrified, of course. It strikes at the very heart of our democratic social reforms, she told me.
By which you mean that the people do not want your policies, I said.
She denied it. Of course they would want our policies if they could understand all the implications. But ordinary voters are simple people, they dont see their needs, theyre not trained to analyse problems. How can they know whats good for them? They need proper leadership to guide them the way they ought to go.
Do you not think that the people might vote for such leadership?
She looked doubtful. The people dont always understand whats good for them.
I do so agree with you, I told her.
She was surprised. So I explained that the Civil Service has always given such unobtrusive leadership. That is how the Civil Service has survived the centuries. We have made the country what it is today. But no one would ever vote for us.
And so we found that we had much common ground. We are both confident, Agnes and I, that we know whats right for the country. The principal necessity is to have a small group in charge and just let the people have a mass vote every few years. Secondly, its not advisable for the voters actually to know the people theyre voting for, for if they were to talk to them they could fall for all sorts of silly conventional ideas.
At this moment Ms Moorhouse had what she took to be an original insight, although in truth I had been painstakingly leading her towards it.
Humphrey?
Yes, Agnes? We were quite cosy by now.
This would be a disaster for you too.
I explained that I had indeed realised that Community Councils would inevitably lead to regional government. And that was precisely why we had to stop the Prime Minister.
She was surprised. This was the first time that she realised that I too wanted to stop the Prime Minister. And that if I were to meet with success I would need her help.
I requested that she give me a written assurance that she would stop harassing the Houndsworth police force. She promised to write a letter guaranteeing that the police would not be made more democratically accountable [same thing Ed.].
Our meeting ended most amicably. She told me that I was a great loss to the militant revolution. I, in turn, expressed my true feeling that she was a great loss to the Civil Service. On this note of mutual respect and regret, we parted.
[Hackers diary continues Ed.]
November 14th
A meeting was scheduled this morning with Professor Marriott. Apparently Humphrey arranged it. I didnt know about it.
Bernard offered an explanation. I think he feels, Prime Minister, that if youre adopting his scheme it would help to talk to him.
Dorothy remarked that Humphrey must have an ulterior motive.
Why? I asked.
All Humphreys motives are ulterior, she replied simply.
I looked at Bernard. Are they? How does Sir Humphrey feel about these reforms?
Bernards answer was unclear. Well, I think, that is, Im sure, if, if its, er, if its what you want, then Sir Humphrey would, er, er
As hostile as that? I asked. Get him in here anyway.
When Humphrey appeared in the Cabinet Room Professor Marriott was conspicuous by his absence.
Wheres the Professor? I asked.
Hes just outside, replied Humphrey obligingly. Shall I bring him in now?
Just one thing, I said commandingly. Whats your view of this plan to reform local government?
I think its a brilliant way of bringing real democracy into the government of Britain.
What was he up to? I couldnt work it out. You mean youre in favour?
Thats not what he said, Dorothy remarked accurately.
He ignored her, as he always does. Prime Minister, if you genuinely want full democratic government, you will have my unquestioning support. Would you like to see Professor Marriott now?
Marriott was a tall, amiable fellow, nervously adjusting his bow tie, rightly overwhelmed at meeting me. We shook hands, exchanged a few pleasantries, and finally Humphrey came to the point.
Professor Marriott has a sequel to his original article, due to be published next month. Even more exciting than the first one.
I asked the Professor to tell me more.
Yes, encouraged Humphrey, tell the Prime Minister about the benefits to Parliament.
The Professor was only too delighted. Well, you see, under this scheme each borough would have its 500 street representatives and the local MP would be able to talk to them all in one hall.
So that theyd really be able to get to know each other, added Humphrey helpfully.
Exactly, said the Professor. And theyd be able to tell the people in their street all about him. Personal word-of-mouth recommendation for the MP.