Then we moved on to Cabinet Agenda, after we gloated over a few more of the newspaper stories. Wonderful quotes. Linda said: My vote goes to Mr Hacker. The BBC and 1TV reported a flood of phone calls approving my decision to rescue Benjy. And, according to The Times, the Leader of the Opposition was not available for comment. I bet he wasnt! He has to choose between supporting me or being in favour of leaving dogs to starve to death! I really got him there!
When we finally turned to the Agenda, Humphrey suggested that we postpone item 3 -- the defence cuts. He wanted to refer them to the OPD [Overseas Policy and Defence Committee of the Cabinet]. I couldnt see the sense of this -- I wanted a decision at Cabinet, not a sixty-page submission nine months from now.
But then the bombshell hit me. Humphrey revealed that saving Benjy had cost 310,000. It seemed impossible! And yet these were the MOD figures, on a true-cost basis.
My breath was taken away. Humphrey, I said, aghast, we must do something!
Put the dog back? suggested Bernard.
On balance, shocked though I was, I still felt it was the right decision -- it may have cost 310,000 but Id won a lot of public support. [It might have been more accurate for Hacker to say that he had bought a lot of public support. With public money Ed.]
But then the full horror dawned on me. At least, it didnt exactly dawn -- Humphrey explained it. You do not have to postpone the defence cuts, but that would be a very courageous decision.
My heart sank. Courageous? Why?
If there are defence cuts, the cost of rescuing the dog is bound to be leaked to the press.
Surely not, I said feebly, but I knew he was right.
He shook his head and smiled a rueful smile. Of course, Prime Minister, if you have complete faith in the defence staffs confidentiality and loyalty
What a ridiculous idea! How could I have? They leak like sieves.
Humphrey rubbed salt into the wound. I can see the headlines now. PRIME MINISTER SAVES DOG AT THE EXPENSE OF BRITAINS AIR DEFENCES. It would be quite a story.
A shaggy dog story, added Bernard facetiously. Sometimes Id like to kill Bernard.
I contemplated the situation miserably. For months Ive been struggling to make these defence cuts. And now, because of one impulsive, good-hearted decision, I was screwed.
Of course, murmured Humphrey, it would only come out if And he gazed at me.
I suddenly wondered if this had been a plot, if Humphrey could have persuaded me to rescue the dog to secure postponement of the defence cuts.
But I quickly realised that this was sheer paranoia. Humphrey is not clever enough for that, nor would he do that to me.
He was simply telling me that somebody in the MOD would inevitably leak the story unless I dropped the defence cuts. He was right. Someone would be sure to see the opportunity to blackmail me.
Im not going to be blackmailed, I told Humphrey firmly.
I should hope not, he said. And waited.
And as I thought it through, I realised I have no choice. So I put the best face on it that I could.
On the other hand, I began carefully, one cant cut defence too far back. Defence of the Realm, the first duty of government. And there are always unexpected emergencies: Korea, the Falklands, Benjy.
Benjy! echoed Bernard and Humphrey with approval.
Yes, I concluded, perhaps I have been a bit hasty. So I told Humphrey that in my considered opinion Item 3 -- the Defence Cuts -- possibly needs a little more thought. I instructed Humphrey to refer it to committee.
I could see from Humphreys respectful expression that he thought that I had made a right decision.
And tell them theres no particular hurry, would you?
Yes Prime Minister.
MAN OVERBOARD
July 2nd
The Employment Secretary has clearly been thinking hard during Wimbledon. Straight back from the Centre Court he came to me with a fascinating proposal.
In a nutshell, his plan is to relocate many of our armed forces to the north of England. He has come to the realisation that, although we have 420,000 service personnel, only 20,000 of them are stationed in the north. Almost everything and everyone is here in the south. The navy is in Portsmouth and Plymouth. The Royal Air Force is in Bedford and East Anglia, barely north of London. The army is in Aldershot. There are virtually no troops in Britain north of the Wash. And yet -- here's the rub -- virtually all our unemployment is in the north.
Dudley [Dudley Belling, the Secretary of State for Employment] is not concerned about the military personnel themselves. Many of them come from the north anyway. No, what he sees is that if we move two or three hundred thousand servicemen from the south to the north we will create masses of civilian jobs: clerks, suppliers, builders, vehicle maintenance the possibilities are immense, limitless. Three hundred thousand extra pay packets to be spent in the shops.
There is really no good argument against this proposal, and I defy the Civil Service to provide one. [A rash challenge Ed.] They should underestimate me no longer. Im getting wise to their tricks.
[Hacker, after eight months in Number Ten Downing Street, was clearly much more intelligently aware of the likely Civil Service response to any alteration in the status quo. Even so, he seems to suffer from overconfidence here, and left the door open for a good argument against this plan. New readers may interpret this attitude as reasonable, moderate and flexible. But those students who are familiar with Hackers earlier career will know that Sir Humphrey Appleby could conjure up very good arguments out of thin air. Hacker, unshakeably confident though he was that he was wise to Sir Humphreys tricks, apparently forgot that he was dealing with a master magician.
As soon as the Employment Secretarys relocation proposal was circulated, an emergency meeting was convened at the MOD. The minutes record total approval for the plan, with a note that minor reservations were expressed about the feasibility of certain peripheral details concerning the actual execution of the proposal. Sir Humphreys private notes, recently released under the Thirty Year rule, tell a rather different story Ed.]
Meeting today at the MOD with Alan [Sir Alan Guthrie, the Permanent Secretary, Ministry of Defence] and Geoffrey [Field Marshal Sir Geoffrey Howard, the chief of the Defence Staff].
Geoffrey was late. Not particularly soldierly, I thought, but Alan explained that this proposal by the Employment Secretary has put the whole of the Ministry of Defence into a state of turmoil.
Alan, whos new, was taking it very badly indeed. I tried to explain to him that this wretched proposal emanated from the Department of Employment, and defence was none of their bloody business. I corrected him: the plan emanated from the Secretary of State for Employment -- the Department itself had nothing to do with it.
Furthermore, as I could see civil war between the two Departments looming here, I indicated that all work on the proposal was done by the Employment Secretarys political advisors.
[Sir Humphrey, a circumspect man, probably did not say that the proposal came from the Secretary of States political advisors. He merely indicated it. He would have been most concerned not to tell lies, even if he was not telling the truth. His distinguished predecessor Sir Arnold Robinson described this process as being economical with the truth on one famous occasion, though he was in turn quoting Edmund Burke Ed.]
I pointed out to Alan that we should all stay quite calm, and that we were only dealing with a relocation proposal, not a Russian invasion. Alan said: Id be less worried if it were a Russian invasion -- the Ministry of Defence is prepared for that.