I looked around the table. Nobody else spoke.
Anyone else have an opinion? I asked. Quickly. Brian [Brian Smithson, Secretary of State for the Environment], Eric [Eric Jeffries, the Chancellor of the Exchequer] and Neil [Neil Hitchcock, Secretary of State for Transport] all looked rather doubtful.
Brian said: Well, I dont really know much about it , but it sounds like a bit of an upheaval. Hes right on both counts.
Eric murmured: Rather expensive.
And Neil commented carefully that it was rather a big move.
Having had my little bit of fun, I gave my opinion. Im thoroughly in favour of the proposal, I said.
So am I, agreed Geoffrey [Geoffrey Pickles, Secretary of State for Trade and Industry] without hesitation.
Absolutely first-rate, said Eric, and Neil commented that it was a brilliant scheme. Sometimes being surrounded by yes-men is rather irritating, though it certainly has its compensations. And, after all, since Im usually right on matters of government strategy it does save a lot of time when they all agree with me right away.
I smiled at my colleagues. I think the Secretary of State for Defence is in a minority of one.
Max stood up for himself. He was grimly determined. I have to admire that, even though he cant win this one. Nonetheless, Prime Minister, he said, I am the responsible Minister and this cant be decided till Ive done my feasibility study. The defence of the realm is in question. We must have a further meeting about this, with time allotted for a full discussion.
A reasonable request. I agreed that we would have a full discussion of it at our next meeting, in two weeks time, after which we would put it to full Cabinet for approval.
The rest of the Committee agreed with me again. Hear hear! Hear hear! they all grunted vociferously.
Dudley added: May I request, Prime Minister, that it be noted in the minutes that the Cabinet Committee was in favour of my plan, save for one member?
I nodded at Humphrey and Bernard, who made notes. But Max refused to accept Dudleys request without comment. The one member, he remarked stubbornly, is the member whose department would have to be reorganised. Its quite a problem.
I began to feel impatient with Max. May I urge the Secretary of State for Defence to remember that every problem is also an opportunity?
Humphrey intervened. I think, Prime Minister, that the Secretary of State for Defence fears that this plan may create some insoluble opportunities.
We all laughed. Very droll, Humphrey, but not so. I dismissed them and, as they trooped out obediently, I remained behind to catch up on the details of Dudleys proposal. I hadnt had time to read much of it before the meeting.
Er Prime Minister. I looked up. To my surprise, Sir Humphrey had remained behind. I gave him my full attention.
SIR BERNARD WOOLLEY RECALLS [in conversation with the Editors]:
Not as I recall. And I do recall this conversation very well, as I dined out on it for some months. It went rather like this. Sir Humphrey did indeed say: Er Prime Minister. Thus far Hackers account is accurate but no further.
Oh, still here, Humphrey? said Hacker, reading.
Yes, said Humphrey. I wanted to have a word with you about the Employment Secretarys scheme.
Hacker was now engrossed in whatever he was reading. Terrific scheme, isnt it? he replied without looking up.
Humphrey did not think so. Well the Service Chiefs werent entirely happy with it, I gather.
Good, said Hacker cheerfully, then looked up. What? He hadnt heard a word.
Humphrey was getting pretty irritated. He never much cared for the proverbial brush-off unless he held the brush. Prime Minister, he said testily, do I have your full attention?
Of course you do, Humphrey. Im just reading these notes.
Prime Minister, theres been an earthquake in Haslemere, remarked Humphrey, by way of a small test.
Good, good, murmured Hacker. Then something must have penetrated, albeit slowly, because he looked up. Sir Humphrey, well aware that the Prime Minister had the attention span of a moth, confined himself to repeating with unusual clarity of speech that the Service Chiefs didnt like the plan.
[Hackers diary continues Ed.]
Humphrey kept batting on about how the Service Chiefs didnt like the plan. Of course they didnt! One could hardly expect them to appreciate the prospect of moving their wives away from Harrods and Wimbledon.
Sir Humphrey responded snootily to this suggestion. Prime Minister, that is unworthy. Their personal feelings do not enter into it. Their objections are entirely strategic.
Oh yes? I leaned back in my chair and smiled benevolently. He didnt fool me. Not any more. I spoke with heavy sarcasm. Strategic? The Admiralty Ships Division needs a deep-water port so it obviously needs to be in Bath -- thirty miles inland. The Marines job is to defend Norway so we station them in Plymouth. Armoured vehicle trials are conducted in Scotland so the military engineering establishment clearly needs to be in Surrey.
These are just isolated examples, replied Humphrey unconvincingly.
Quite, I agreed. And theres another seven hundred isolated examples in this paper. And I waved the report at him. He gazed back at me, unsmiling, cold, totally unshakeable, his piercing blue eyes fixed upon me as they stared down his patrician nose. I hesitated. [And we all know what happens to he who hesitates Ed.]
Why are you against it, Humphrey? I felt I had to understand.
I, Prime Minister? I assure you, I am not against it. Im simply trying to furnish you with the appropriate questions. Like the question of cost.
He has completely missed the point. But thats the whole beauty of it, Humphrey. It makes money! We sell all those expensive buildings in the south and move into cheap ones in the north. And there would be hundreds of thousands of acres of high-priced land in the Home Counties to sell too.
So you think the Employment Secretary has done well?
Yes, hes a good chap.
To my surprise Humphrey agreed wholeheartedly. Oh, I do agree with you there. Absolutely brilliant. Outstanding. A superb intellect. Excellent footwork. Strong elbows. A major figure, without doubt.
I didnt think he was that good. In fact, I was rather amazed that Humphrey went overboard for him lie that. I said as much.
But he is a good chap, insisted Humphrey. Wouldnt you say?
Yes, I said. Id already said it.
Yes indeed, mused Humphrey. Very popular, too.
This was news to me. Is he?
Oh yes, Humphrey told me.
I wanted to know more. Not that popular, is he?
Humphrey was nodding, eyebrows raised, as if slightly astonished by the extent of Dudleys popularity. Oh yes he is. In Whitehall. And with the parliamentary party, I understand.
I considered this. I suppose hes right. Dudley is very popular with the parliamentary party.
And with the grass roots, Im told, Humphrey added.
Are you?
He nodded. I wonder who tells him these things.
And he seems to have quite a following in the Cabinet too.
A following in the Cabinet? How is that possible? Im supposed to be the only one with a following in the Cabinet. Tell me more. I was curious. Sit down.
Humphrey sat opposite me, but seemed unwilling to say more. Theres nothing to tell, really. Its just that people are beginning to talk about him as the next Prime Minister.
I was startled. What? What do you mean?
I mean, said Humphrey carefully, when you decide to retire, of course.
But Im not planning to retire. I only just got here.
Exactly, he replied enigmatically.
I had a little think. Why, I asked eventually, should people be talking about a next Prime Minister?