Im sure its just general speculation, he drawled casually.
Its all right for Humphrey to be sure. But Im not sure. Do you think he wants to be Prime Minister?
Suddenly Humphrey seemed to be on his guard. Even if he does, surely you have no reason to doubt his loyalty? Hes not trying to build up a personal following or anything, is he?
Isnt he?
Is he?
I thought about that for a few moments. He spends a hell of a lot of time going round the country making speeches.
Only as a loyal minister. Why was Humphrey so keen to defend him? Im sure he pays personal tributes to you in all of them.
We looked at each other. And wondered. Does he? I asked. Id never thought of checking. I told Bernard to get my copies of Dudleys last six speeches. At once.
We waited in silence. And it occurred to me, once I started thinking about it, that Dudley also spends a considerable amount of time chatting up our backbenchers in the House of Commons tea room.
I mentioned this to Humphrey. He tried to reassure me. But you asked ministers to take more trouble to communicate with the party in the House.
True enough. But he has them to dinner parties as well.
Oh. Humphrey looked glum. Does he?
Yes, he does, I replied grimly. This starts to get worrying.
There seemed no more to say. Bernard returned and said that Employment had phoned to let us know that we wouldnt be able to get copies of Dudleys speeches till later today or tomorrow. Ill read them as soon as I get them. Meanwhile, I wont worry about it. Its lucky Im not paranoid. And Im also fortunate to have someone like Humphrey as my Cabinet Secretary, someone who doesnt shrink from letting me know the truth, even if it is a little upsetting.
July 5th
I couldnt sleep. This business with Dudley is really worrying. I told Annie about it, and she said airily that shes sure theres nothing to worry about. What does she know?
Today, first thing, I went through copies of Dudleys six most recent speeches. As I suspected, and feared, there was nothing in them by way of a personal tribute to me. Well, virtually nothing.
I called Humphrey in for a confidential word. Like me, he could hardly believe that Dudley had said nothing suitable about me.
Surely, asked Humphrey, evidently puzzled, surely he must have talked about the new Prime Minister bringing a new hope to Britain? The Dawn of a New Age. You know, that leaflet you told party headquarters to issue to all MPs and constituencies?
I shook my head. Not a word.
That is odd.
Its more than odd, I remarked. Its suspicious. Very suspicious.
Even so, Prime Minsiter, he surely isnt actively plotting against you?
I wasnt so sure. Isnt he?
Is he?
How do I know hes not?
Thoughtfully, he stroked his chin. You could always find out.
Could I?
The Chief Whip would be bound to know.
Humphrey was right, of course. Why didnt I think of it? I told Bernard to send for the Chief Whip right away. And we were in luck. The Chief Whip was in his office at Number Twelve. [No. 12 Downing Street, two doors up from the Prime Minister. A half-minutes walk away Ed.] We told him to drop everything and come right over.
SIR BERNARD WOOLLEY RECALLS [in conversation with the Editors]:
It was my duty to meet the Chief Whip and show him into the Cabinet Room. So when Sir Humphrey left the Prime Minister, who by now was chewing the Bokhara -- figuratively, of course -- I hurried out after him. I was anxious for more details of this apparent plot.
I stopped Humphrey in the foyer outside the Cabinet Room, where I could also keep my eye on the front door of Number Ten.
Sir Humphrey, I said, Im very troubled by what Ive just learned.
He looked at me with detached amusement, and asked what that was. I explained that I felt that Id been walking around with my eyes shut. Id never realised that there was a Cabinet plot against the Prime Minister.
He raised his eyebrows. Is there? he asked. How interesting.
You said there was, I said.
He said: I said nothing, Bernard. Nothing at all.
Rapidly, I put my brain into rewind search, and realised that he had indeed said nothing. So what had he been saying? Something, certainly, even if it was nothing. But it couldnt have been nothing, or why was he not saying it?
I owed it to Hacker to get to the bottom of this. I decided to ask a straight question. After all, though rare, it was not entirely unknown for Humphrey to give a straight answer. So you mean do you know if there is a plot?
No.
This appeared to be a straight answer. But no. I sought elucidation.
No there is a plot or no there isnt?
Yes, replied Humphrey helpfully.
I decided to try a new tack. Sir Humphrey, I said carefully, what has the Employment Secretary actually done?
Nothing, as yet, Bernard. And we must keep it that way.
I could see that he was referring to the plan, not the plot. Or non-plot. Then, suddenly, the penny dropped. I had been bemused as to why Sir Humphrey had been so forthcoming about the Employment Secretarys popularity. I now saw that he was playing the man and not the ball.
So I played the ball. Isnt the Employment Secretarys plan actually a rather good one?
For whom?
For the country.
Maybe. But thats hardly the point.
Why not?
Humphrey stared at me, irritated. Bernard, when you move on from here, where do you plan to go?
I thought it was one of his threats. Cagey, I replied that I didnt really know.
How would you like to be Deputy Secretary in Charge of Defence Procurement?
This suggestion surprised me. Dep. Sec. Is pretty high. Ones K [knighthood] is guaranteed. De. Secs are top people, their names are in Whos Who and everything. Normally, if Humphrey were trying to threaten me, hed suggest the War Graves Commission or the Vehicle Licensing Centre in Swansea. So, if he wasnt threatening, what was he driving at? I waited.
You could find yourself doing that job in Sunderland. Or Berwick-on-Tweed. Or Lossiemouth.
He was threatening me. I instantly saw the major drawback to the Employment Secretarys plan. I certainly wouldnt want to leave London for Sunderland or Berwick-on-Tweed. Theyre up north somewhere!
And I didnt even understand the reference to Lossiemouth. Is that a place? I asked Humphrey.
What did you think it was?
A dogfood.
Humphrey smirked menacingly. If the Employment Secretary has his way you may have a three-year diet of Lossiemouth yourself. You see?
I saw.
I also saw that the plan cannot possibly be good for the country. It is not possible for a plan to be good for the country and bad for the civil Service -- it's a contradiction in terms. But I still didnt understand why Humphrey had suggested sending for the Chief Whip to confirm a plot that didnt exist.
We were still standing in the lobby of Number Ten, a fairly public place. Humphrey looked around cautiously, to check that we were not being overheard. Then he explained something that I have never before understood.
The Chief Whip, Bernard, is bound to hedge. He dare not categorically state that there is no plot against the Prime Minister, just in case there is one. Even if the Chief Whip has heard nothing, he must say that he has suspicions, to cover himself. He will also say that he has no solid evidence, and he will promise to make urgent enquiries.
At that moment the Chief Whip himself, Jeffrey Pearson, bustled through the front door like a ship in full sail and surged along the wide corridor towards us. My eyes indicated his presence to Humphrey, who swung around and gave him a warm greeting. Ah, good morning, Chief Whip.