Good morning, Cabinet Secretary. Good morning, Bernard.
I asked Pearson to wait in the Private Office. [The office of the Private Secretary, i.e. Bernard Woolleys office Ed.] I wanted to be sure that Sir Humphrey and I were now fully in tune.
Humphrey instructed me to go into the meeting with Jeffrey -- which, in any case, I would have done -- and inform Sir Humphrey of everything that was said -- which I may not have done.
Im not sure I can do that. It might be confidential.
Humphrey disagreed. The matter at issue concerns the defence of the realm and the stability of government.
But you only need to know things on a need to know basis.
Humphrey became impatient. Bernard, I need to know everything. How else can I judge whether or not I need to know it?
Id never have thought of that. Hitherto, Id thought that others might have been the judge of the Cabinet Secretarys need to know. I decided to get this straight.
So that means that you need to know things even when you dont need to know them. You need to know them not because you need to know them but because you need to know whether or not you need to know. And if you dont need to know you still need to know so that you know that there was no need to know.
Yes, said Sir Humphrey. A straight answer at last. And he thanked me for helping him clarify the situation.
[Hackers diary continues Ed.]
Jeffrey Pearson, the Chief Whip, was in the Cabinet Room within ten minutes. He was evasive but during the meeting he made it perfectly clear that there is indeed some sort of leadership challenge, either led by Dudley or using Dudley as the figurehead. His problem is a lack of concrete evidence. So he cant make a move to stamp it out.
I was magnanimous. After all, one wants ambitious men in the Cabinet, one needs them. Just as long as they dont get too ambitious
Im grateful to Humphrey for drawing my attention to it. He really is a good man and a loyal servant.
[Jeffrey Pearsons account of this is somewhat different. We reprint this extract from his stylish memoirs Suck It And See Ed.]
I had a sudden urgent call from Number Ten. Hacker wanted to see me right away. Bernard Woolley, his Private Secretary, refused to give me a reason.
Naturally I thought Id done something to upset him. So it was with some caution that I entered the Cabinet Room, with Woolley in attendance. The morning sun shone brightly through the windows, creating patterns of intense light and deep shade.
Hacker sat in the shadows. How are things going, Chief Whip?
Naturally I was cautious, though I had nothing to hide. I told him things were going quite well really, and asked why.
You mean, you noticed nothing?
So I was supposed to have noticed something. What, I wondered, had I missed? I couldnt think of anything in particular, though it was a slightly difficult time with a little unrest on the back benches. But then its always a slightly difficult time with a little unrest on the back benches. Unless, that is, its a very difficult time with lots of unrest on the back benches.
[A slightly difficult time with a little unrest on the back benches was what fortune-tellers call a cold reading: something that is always true and always safe to say. A fortune-tellers cold reading might be: You went through a slightly difficult time round the age of thirteen. A doctors cold reading, if he cannot diagnose an illness would be: I think it might be a good idea for you to give up smoking and lose a little weight Ed.]
Is there anything you havent told me? asked the Prime Minister.
I racked my brains furiously. He prompted me. A plot? A leadership challenge?
I hadnt heard a thing. But I couldnt say so, because Hacker obviously had suspicions. Perhaps he even had evidence. I played safe, avoided giving a direct answer, and told him that I had no real evidence of anything.
But you have suspicions?
I couldnt say I hadnt and anyway, I always have suspicions of one sort or another. Its my job to have suspicions, I replied carefully.
Well, what are they?
This was tricky. Jim, I replied with my frankest manner, it wouldnt be right for me to tell you all my suspicions, not unless or until theres something solid to go on.
But you know who Im talking about?
I had no idea. I think I can guess, I said.
Hacker remained in the shadows. I couldnt quite see his eyes. He heaved a sigh. How far has it got? he asked finally.
I was still searching for a clue as to the identity of the pretender. One thing I knew for sure -- it hadnt got very far or I would certainly have known about it. At least, I think I certainly would.
He was waiting for reassurance. I gave it. Only to a very early stage. So far as I can tell. I was still being strictly honest.
Do you think you ought to have a word with him? the Prime Minister wanted to know. Tell him I know whats going on? I dont want to lose him from the Cabinet. I just want him under control.
I didnt see how I could possibly have a word with him until I knew who he was. Perhaps you should have a word with him yourself, I replied carefully.
He shook his head. No. Not at this stage.
I waited.
Who else is involved?
I saw my chance. Apart from ?
The Prime Minister was getting irritable. Apart from Dudley, obviously.
Dudley! Dudley? Incredible! Dudley!!
Oh, apart from Dudley, its a bit early to say. After all, Prime Minister, there may not be anything to it.
The Prime Minister stood up. He stared at me over his reading glasses. He looked thin, tired and drawn. This job is taking a toll on him, and hes only been at it less than a year. Jeffrey, Im not taking any risks, he said quietly.
I could see that he meant business. I left the Cabinet Room, and assigned all the Whips to make some enquiries. Top priority. After all, if there is a plot I need to know its full potential.
[Jeffrey Pearson certainly wanted and needed to reassure himself that the plot, if plot there was, could be nipped in the bud. If it could not, he would have wanted to reassure himself that it was not too late to change sides. Ed.]
[Two days later Sir Arnold Robinson, Applebys predecessor as Secretary of the Cabinet, received a note from Sir Humphrey. It has been found in the archive of the Campaign for Freedom of Information, of which Sir Arnold was the President. Naturally the letter was confidential and has been kept under wraps, but the archive of the Campaign for Freedom of Information was recently made available to historians under the Thirty Year Rule Ed.]
Cabinet Office
July 6th
Dear Arnold,
You will have heard on the grapevine about the Employment Secretarys plan to move many of our armed forces establishments to the north. There are three reasons why the PM is in favour of this plan:
1. It will reduce unemployment.
2. Alternatively, it will look as though he is reducing unemployment.
3. At the very least, it will look as though he is trying to reduce unemployment.
The reality is that he is only trying to look as if he is trying to reduce unemployment. This is because he is worried that it does not look as if he is trying to look as if he is trying to reduce unemployment.
Curiously, the P.M. has come to suspect that the plan may be the start of a leadership bid by the Employment Secretary.
This is, of course, a ridiculous notion. But the higher the office, the higher the level of political paranoia. Nonetheless, it is undoubtedly in the national interest that this plan does not proceed, and the Prime Ministers paranoia would undoubtedly be fed (and the Employment Secretarys chances of survival in high office much reduced) if a leak occurred in the press which suggested that this brilliantly imaginative plan by the Employment Secretary was being blocked by the Prime Minister.